Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to the secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks, "What?" ....and he replies "SEX"

Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know," Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."

"Well, I can oblige, "says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Howard's manhood.

Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Howard and make sure he was O.K.

She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethyl, who was holding Howard's manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethyl have that I don't have?"

My name is Elizabeth and my "good-friend," TIM WEBLEY, is a huge fan! You may remember signing his Steve Vai custom at the Tower Records here in Hoffman Estates... ...I even found him an autographed pic of you for him for christmas... ...I have bought tickets for us to see you OCT 22, at the House of Blues in Chicago...

Our relationship is a little undetermined at this time, and I was hoping if you could say a word or two about how "Once you find love, you shouldn't let it go " or something to that effect with his name -- it would show him how much I care and what I'm willing to go through for him -- which is needless to say, BEGGING you for a little help.

I'm sorry this message will be written everyday 'til the 22, since I'm not sure when or if you will even see this. Sorry for the annoyance.

My name is Elizabeth and my "good-friend," TIM WEBLEY, is a huge fan! You may remember signing his Steve Vai custom at the Tower Records here in Hoffman Estates... ...I even found him an autographed pic of you for him for christmas... ...I have bought tickets for us to see you OCT 22, at the House of Blues in Chicago...

Our relationship is a little undetermined at this time, and I was hoping if you could say a word or two about how "Once you find love, you shouldn't let it go " or something to that effect with his name -- it would show him how much I care and what I'm willing to go through for him -- which is needless to say, BEGGING you for a little help.

I'm sorry this message will be written everyday 'til the 22, since I'm not sure when or if you will even see this. Sorry for the annoyance.

Ethn Hayabusa - The Janitors of Chaos? I like it. :-)

I just want to say..........JOE.. THank you for coming down and touring through FORT MYERS, FLorida.

I just moved here from Atlanta back in November 03 and figured I wouldn't catch any great concerts..unless I drive to Tampa,Ft. Lauderdale, or Miami. (all of which are over 2 hours away), I wouldn't see any good shows here in town. BUT you changed all that! The concert hall in Ft. Myers looks like a nice place to play. I am looking forward to Thursday nights show!

Am I a fan? ..When I was in Atlanta, I drove over 1000 miles in 3 days and saw 3 G3 shows back to back. Nashville, Winston-Salem NC, and then Atlanta! What a treat! ..and damn..I was tired.. I can't imagine what you must go through on 10 nights in a row!

oh..and THANK YOU For the AFTERshow passes!

OpticalStudio: check out their website at: http://www.thevioletburning.com/

Click on Media and there are links to hear some of their music under "audio." Check out the song, "There is No Where."

I think you'll love it! No RAP! I wouldn't do that to you man! Just pure awesome love!

Jazzy, turned out I had a Godsmacky day instead. lol! The last cd I played was the Black album though. I had Godsmack cranked so loud - holy shit man! lmao! That surround sound sub rolls that bass through every nook and cranny in the house (and rattles yer kidneys too). A few times I stopped in my tracks and I was like "whoa!" It was awesome. lol! I had a good day and cleared some cobwebs out of my brain (and my house.) lol! It felt good after being sick last week. I say YES, get some Crue! I remember walking up to the DJ at my wedding in '87 and requesting some Crue. He was an older guy, a co-workers dad. He had to dig, but he played WILD SIDE. Damn near blew the blue hairs outta their seats. LOL! A shining moment indeed :) I'll have to check out Colma and Electric Tears. I was listening to clips on cduniverse last night, but they don't tell you much with only about 30 seconds.

Jblaze, I'd like to decline your offer at the moment. lol! I just need a little tweaking, not a total rearrangement. lol!

Delfino, I'll check that one out too. Thanks :)

Yoda, be sure to wear a ripped off half shirt with those pants. Some studded belts wrapped oddly around limbs and whatnot too, and hairspray. Lots and lots of hairspray. LOL!

Austin, I wrote practically the same thing this morning, but deleted it. lmao! I'll let you be the bitch, but I stand behind you 100%. I guess that makes me co-bitch :) lol!

So...is anyone going to the show this Wednesday?

My name is Elizabeth and my "good-friend," TIM WEBLEY, is a huge fan! You may remember signing his Steve Vai custom at the Tower Records here in Hoffman Estates... ...I even found him an autographed pic of you for him for christmas... ...I have bought tickets for us to see you OCT 22, at the House of Blues in Chicago...

Our relationship is a little undetermined at this time, and I was hoping if you could say a word or two about how "Once you find love, you shouldn't let it go " or something to that effect with his name -- it would show him how much I care and what I'm willing to go through for him -- which is needless to say, BEGGING you for a little help.

I'm sorry this message will be written everyday 'til the 22, since I'm not sure when or if you will even see this. Sorry for the annoyance.

My name is Elizabeth and my "good-friend," TIM WEBLEY, is a huge fan! You may remember signing his Steve Vai custom at the Tower Records here in Hoffman Estates... ...I even found him an autographed pic of you for him for christmas... ...I have bought tickets for us to see you OCT 22, at the House of Blues in Chicago...

Our relationship is a little undetermined at this time, and I was hoping if you could say a word or two about how "Once you find love, you shouldn't let it go " or something to that effect with his name -- it would show him how much I care and what I'm willing to go through for him -- which is needless to say, BEGGING you for a little help.

I'm sorry this message will be written everyday 'til the 22, since I'm not sure when or if you will even see this. Sorry for the annoyance.

Zinc Master: thanks for putting the jokes up all the time. I cancelled all my joke subscriptions few years ago when I'd seen them all again, and you've been posting some I've never seen.

Poop I missed the bootleg opportunity.

Optical Studio: Rebecca St James came from Australia. (Just some trivia for you!) Also, I was glad to see you mention Superchick. I quite like them too. They have a new CD coming soon.

re that email worm thing: people in the UK are getting dodgy emails from my hotmail address too.

Austin: thanks, but I've sorted that Lego thing out. I found a guy in Melbourne who helped me out.

PhryDom: the lego porn is pretty funny.

Delfino: is "Farm Fiddlin'" that one where he plays in three different styles and has all the animal noises in the middle there? If so, I thought that was a cool song.

V287: "What brand of beanie does Joe wear on the new album? Does anyone know?" I assume you mean on the cover of the album, and not when the music is recorded? The answer to both questions is "I don't know" but thanks for asking an unusual question, it makes a nice change.

Bubbles: congratulations on your non-smoking milestone. Please remind me of that band name you mentioned to Steven so I can check it out tomorrow or whenever I get the time.

Later all, I'm totally knackered (busy week, busy weekend, busy Monday, busy Monday night, still tired) band practice in 20 minutes. BEN