24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator...

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!"

11. Meow occasionally.

12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Understanding Marketing

You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a fabulous girl/guy. You have one of your friends approach them, point at you and say, "She's/He's fantastic in bed."

That's Advertising.

You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them to get their telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. You get up, straighten your clothes, walk up and pour them a drink. You open the door, pick up their bag after it drops, offer them a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. They walk up to you and say, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."

Off to the Dominican Republic for a week of R&R. After that, a lot more guitar playing in my future... My company (or at least the American parent company) is folding up shop and packaging off the veterans here in Toronto LOL.. Oh well, all for the best, in the last coupla years the company was not successful in landing any major projects commensurate with my management skills (self-pat on the back)...

I'll be ok (sniffles!!!) Seriously, I was due for a change anyway!! Now I can get my music database up to date !! Approximately 4000 pieces, CD's, DVD's and LP's plus a load of guitar instructional videos... That'll take me a day or two when I get back from down south...

NJ Beast........happy birthday bro' !!!

Zinc Master...no need to apologize, I was just being a smart-ass ;) Laughter is always the best medicine....

as its now saturday here in uk, here are the lyrics of today -

from star one, song called "the intergalactic laxative"

Oh the intergalactic laxative will get you from here to there, For cosmic constipation theres none that can compare, If shitting is your problem when you're out there in the stars, Oh the intergalactic laxative, the intergalactic laxative, the intergalactic laxative will get you from here to mars.

Nick, Mr Donovan I presume....... You english pig-dog!!!!

Hi,

thanks to all for checking out my JEMFESTradio show with Joe!!

I am looking into buying the Dunlop 535Q wah pedal sometime soon (once I get some more $). I've been looking around on websites for some specs and information on the pedal. I went onto the official Dunlop website to look at the 535Q wah pedal, and who do I find in the backround picture on the page with the 535Q wah?...... The man himself....Joe Satriani. He's the main man credited for using the pedal. Check it out right here. 535Q wah I use the GCB-95 crybaby wah right now, but I want/need the versatility of the 535Q, so I am buying that once I get some money. Anyone here use the 535Q wah? If so, let me in on how good it is? I haven't used it yet, I am going to the guitar store down the road from me tomorrow to use it. The music store by my house is great, it's usually empty, I know the guys who work there, I play guitar a lot over there, I get to use the JSX head whenever I want, and JS guitars whenever I want also, it's kinda like I own the JS gear, but not.

civgeek, unemployment is a big part of the crime - always. You can go to http://www.readingberkspa.com/home.asp and check out all we have to offer...besides crime. LOL! The railroad was Conrail when I was growing up. Not sure what's going on with it now, but many trains still roll by every day.

SupaaDave, The Extremist is one of my favorite Satch cd's.

pp0 - I don't really think EVH was a major influence on Joe Satriani. You are correct about Alan Holdsworth, though...he influenced Joe's legato style.

Okay, but that's also probably true with people all throughout the world as well.

"I disagree on Jazzzzy being insensitive and intolerant"

Saying 98% of the 51% of people who voted for Bush (Where did he come up with that number?) are "white trash nascar worshipping trailer park douchebags." is not being insensitive or intolerant?

I know you don't like Bush, but you haven't called Bush supporters names like that. Other Kerry supporters here haven't called people names like that. 99% of the country didn't vote for the candidate I voted for, and I haven't called people names like that.

It's completely unnecessary to do that to try to prove a point. Making mass assumptions based on absolutely nothing leads to ugliness. People get pissed off and start calling other people names and it escalates. It makes this a miserable message board to read.

"but just doesn't like it when some people...tell him that he is wrong."

I would like to know when he visted the 58,270,569 people that he referred to in his statement in order to find out that they are in fact "white trash nascar worshipping trailer park douchebags".

"but opinion is "abstract"."

His statement was not an opinion, it was an attack / insult directed towards half of the country. He has done this countless times concering a wide variety of topics since he's been here. Opinions are fine, but this stuff isn't needed... It's completely unnecessary, and it causes a ton of crap on this message board that just shouldn't be here.

You are very wrong.

Your verbal attacks on people are not sarcasm.

"where the hell was your post to DammMissNamm when he popped up and started almost teasing that Bush won."

Link me to the post you're talking about. I searched through his posts and didn't see stuff nearly as bad as the thing you said (that I mentioned above).

"If you dont like my posts, kindly skip it unless its something thats very very offensive."

It was offensive. I didn't skip it.

"When Suppadave talked about pissing on the Koran, you lips were shut."

Show me that post. I don't remember reading it. I just did a search and I didn't find it.

"I know you have a grudge on me"

I have told you several times in the past on this very site that I do not have a grudge against you.

I do wonder why you find it necessary again and again to constantly throw insults around on this website. Many people here don't do that, and those that do don't do it nearly as often as you do.

I would like to know why you find it necessary to insult other people instead of just disagreeing with their ideas. I have asked you this more than once in the past, and you have never answered me.

My younger brother has that pedal. He bought it with Christmas money about two or three years ago. He got it for a clearance price that was, IIRC, close to the price of the "normal" Dunlop wah.

I've messed around with it a few times...it's a very cool pedal. I have a lot of fun with it...I can get a few cool Satch tones (the wah solo from You Saved My Life, for example) out of it with ease, and I'm not really even a guitarist.

Do the stu: Here is the post which has been edited by SuppaDave

Why does'nt Osama Bin Laden come out of hiding and take his lumps like a man? Does the Koran instruct Muslims to be cowards too?

OpticalStudio-

Hi, I know how stressful moving can be- in England buying even a flat can turn into your worst nightmare! We bought one a year ago, and straight after we moved in so did this DIY freak of a guy above us, and he spent 9 months hammering, sawing... it made our lives hell! Anyway we decided in the end the place wasn't for us, and put it up for sale, found a new place... then right at the last minute the person who was going to buy our flat pulled out- and there's nothing we could do. So now we've got another buyer and just have to pray this one goes through ok!! Sorry to ramble on but I think I'm still half-asleep... Good luck with it all!!

Optical studio: hang in there bro!

This is a picture of me...couldnt find a newer one...

Clarky:No probs bro,mail m your add & i,ll post a Cd & minidisk.Good t hear y like it,enjoy