Michelle...you're right...Yasser Arafat is dead. What next?

Anyone need something to have nightmares about? Minelli kicked his ass and made him have sex with her. LMAO!!! I think she's my new hero. LOL!!

NEW YORK (AP) -- Liza Minnelli's bodyguard claims the Oscar-winning actress made him have sex with her in order to keep his job, according to recently unsealed court documents.

The allegations are detailed in M'Hammed Soumayah's $100 million lawsuit against the entertainer. Minnelli's lawyers did not return calls for comment Wednesday. But in a court document, one of her lawyers said Soumayah had "commenced this action in a quick sand of untruths and misstatements" and accused him of a "shakedown" of her client.

In the lawsuit, Soumayah, 56, accused Minnelli of assault and battery, breach of contract, withholding payment for services rendered and sexual harassment.

Although the suit was filed Sept. 30 in Manhattan's state Supreme Court and sealed by Justice Barbara Kapnick, she unsealed it late Tuesday over the objections of Minnelli's lawyers.

Also Tuesday, Minnelli, 58, sued Soumayah for $250,000, alleging breach of contract and breach of fiduciary duty. The two-page filing contained no details.

In the newly unsealed court papers, Soumayah, married and the father of two, says he began working for Minnelli in 1994 and was paid $238,000 a year.

While working for her, Soumayah was coerced by Minnelli to have sex, his court papers say. "After many repeated attempts by Minnelli to compel (Soumayah) to have sex with her, (he) eventually succumbed," the papers say.

He also alleges she beat him "repeatedly."

"Fearing loss of his lucrative job, plaintiff tolerated Minnelli's violent outbursts and did not complain about them to her or anyone else," the suit says.

Soumayah's court papers say he signed a confidentiality agreement in 2003 because he was threatened with firing if he refused. He said it was to be in effect only while he worked for the star.

In an affidavit explaining that agreement, Minnelli says: "I am not ungrateful for my celebrity status. But I think I deserve, as does everyone, some right to privacy."

The affidavit, filed in an effort to persuade the judge to keep the bodyguard's suit sealed, asks the judge to enforce the agreement and "protect me from scandal, which is clearly being used to completely embarrass me."

Minnelli's estranged husband, David Gest, has also accused Minnelli of assault in a $10 million lawsuit against her. Minnelli is suing Gest for allegedly stealing $2 million from her, and both are suing each other for divorce.

© 2004 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed, but can be copied and pasted for your viewing pleasure.

C'mon bitch, back that ass up! ROTF!!!

MIKEY, happy birthday yesterday for today! You're the best!

Mari, metalgod or metaldog?

Alex, hello my friend. All is well.

I forget who else wrote to me. I'm 15 pages behind and to tired to check. I'll try harder tomorrow...or the next day...

Miss Cheeky - Wassup!! Long time. How's things? I've missed your tactlessness. :0 Stay in touch and post a link to video of the routine.

Mr Nick - I have a tape with Dark Side on one side and Wish You Were Here on the other. VERY COOL!! And I don't even smoke the ya-ya anymore.

Happy B-Day Ovation!! Now you can drink legally.

Michelle - That whole story is funny. Who da thunk ole L. Minelli would so into getting her swerve on.

Cuthbert How's Oregon land use treating you?

Mowle: That's great aboutthe T2J cd man! I hope we get a good review.

Woohoo... I just bought myself a $15 ticket to see the best Led Zeppelin tribute band I've ever heard (Led Zepagain) and the only Pink Floyd tribute band I've ever heard (Which One's Pink?). ;-) Both bands will play full sets (including all of IV and all of The Wall)...it's gonna be awesome.

If any Los Angeles-area T2Jers are reading this (Yeah, right...I'm the only LA-area regular here...), the show will be at The Vault 350 in downtown Long Beach on 11/20.

"but can be copied and pasted for your viewing pleasure."

Did you add that bit yourself, or is the AP including that now? ;-)

alexandrecaetano I'm good thanks, hows things going with you? You sill busy writing music?

Thank-you sooooooo much guys and gals!! :-) :-) alexandre and michelle gave me a heads-up on the birthday wishes, and I would just like to say that You guys ROCK more than JOE SATRIANI!!!!.... We'll.... Almost, hehe ;-)

My family and my JEM are doing just fine.... So much so, that I have'nt touched my PGM in a loooooong time, lol!!.... ;-)

....And now, everyone must go buy the Crossroads (Eric Clapton) dvd that has been released just recently!!!!.... Mr. Eric Johnson is in there, WEARING AN AWESOME PURPLE SHIRT, I might add (lol, you know it michelle!! ;-) ), Dr. VAI, Buddy Guy, and many other greats are in there, and I'm sure JOE would have been, but he was busy with his show....

....And btw.... the great alexandre just called me, lol, your ROCK man, thanks for the call!!!!.... It was great to hear from you!!!! :-) :-)

....It really is amazing what the power of music can do.... It brings us together here to make lifelong friends, and to help each other in lifes trials and tribulations.... And it's all because of JOE!!!!.... Thank-you JOE, you dont know how much your music has connected the masses of the world.... Physically, and spiritually.... Amen to JOE!! :-)

....Later peeps, I'll check in again when I can.... Unless I hear there is some blue in da house!! ;-)

happy birthday ovation

Hey Joe,

HoiGuy79, Keep playin' that Rock n' Roll. Nice Tune...keep up the good work!

Hell yeah michelle!!!! :-) Salute!!

Me being a former Air Force member, I appreciate that!!....

Hello from Spain. Joe you are the beast!! (eres la polla)

Thank's for your music!! ;=)

Bumper Stickers 16

"All generalizations are false."

"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."

Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."

"Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death"

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"

"Work is for people who don't know how to fish"

"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"

Sending Old Men To War

(received from an older person)

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington DC.

But! , I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.

You can't be older than 35 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.

You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission.

"My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them.

In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real inteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.

We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and I didn! 't see a single 20-foot wall wi th rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one ."

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.

He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation,and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out.

He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.

All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.

HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY !! !!

Remember to:

- Thank a veteran today