Zinc Master
Zinc Master Crown Point, IN USA
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WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I
pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You
did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the
boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes
later....... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can
you bring a drink of water?"
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally
asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan,
come in or stay out!'"
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Fri Oct 29 '04 8:54:44 am
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Zinc Master
Zinc Master Crown Point, IN USA
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Why We Love Kids - Part II
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
little voice: "The big sissy."
It was time during the Sunday morning service for the children's sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Whenever anyone asked Jane her name, she would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her that was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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Fri Oct 29 '04 8:57:45 am
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Zinc Master
Zinc Master Crown Point, IN USA
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Zenfish
I am sorry that you have some difficulty with some of my posts. I try to post the jokes that I think most of us here enjoy. If I come across any jokes/stories in French, even though I will not understand it - I will dedicate it to you.
I learned some spanish back in the day - can barely speak a word of it now. I can imagine how difficult it can be to read some of my jokes/stories - since some of the humor (humour) may not come across when translating.
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Fri Oct 29 '04 8:59:54 am
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ILoveThailand
Plays: Other
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i was supposed to leave an hour ago but the bloody car will not start. I guess it got too cold? I tried to jump it but the that didnt work...so i called my GIRLFRIEND and asked if i could borrow her car...SHE SAID YES!!!
so I can finally fuck around in chicago till tomorrow evening at my girlfriends expense and ask her to pamper my ass when it starts freezing.
Zen "hollywood stink" Fish: What the fuck is Bariole? and why do you keep calling me Bariole? Do you speak English in French or French in English? Maybe next time, dear Zen fish, use this website to translate what u have to say (evil laughter)
www.freetranslations.com
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Fri Oct 29 '04 9:05:25 am
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couros
couros sheibani bournemouth, dorset england Plays: Guitar (23 years)
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hi joe, i went to the G3 2004 concert in the BIC bournemouth and i was just wounderin why Rob fripp didnt have a set list and was hardly to be seen on stage??
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Fri Oct 29 '04 9:18:31 am
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Steven Wilde
ShredZone, CaliFunia USA Plays: Guitar (21 years)
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Jazzzzy- You'll Read this late, But have a good drive (subspace message) Stay safe!.......................EVERYONE: there is A growing organazation, it's for the help of Childern With advanced aging sybdrome, There's a name I can't think of it right now. You May have heard of the org. http://www.guitarsforlife.com....I have alrady talked to them there interested in what were doing and Visa Versa!...they hold concert's and benefet show's all over! http://www.nicksterling.com...thats the link for Nick sterling, If You don't know him, Then You Will...He is AWESOME!!!!!!An amazing Guitar player, Hes also only 14 And great role model! He e-mailed Me! and He really is a Very cool! Guy! and play's many Joe Song's at concerts!...Check it out if You can!...Cheer's for guitars! and Music!.............JOE- It would be great if You could somehow be part of this! They really are nice and wonderful People!, And they put their effort's through! THE GUITAR!!!...YAY! so that great for all!Steven
Edited Fri Oct 29 '04 11:04 am
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Fri Oct 29 '04 10:58:11 am
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Zinc Master
Zinc Master Crown Point, IN USA
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The Top 5 Differences If the President Were an Animal
5> North Korean peace talks break down when Kim Jong Il pulls the old fake stick toss.
4> Find the weapons of mass destruction? Nope. Find the cheese in the maze? Every time!
3> By order of the Tabby Administration, the lower third of
the Washington Monument is covered with carpet.
2> Big contributors would get to spend a night in the Lincoln Cage.
and the Number 1 Difference If the President Were an Animal...
1> Second-term scandal involves forfeiture of White House
cleaning deposit.
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Fri Oct 29 '04 11:17:10 am
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Strangebeing
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I loved the show at Ryman Auditorium. I don't play guitar, but I own 9 of your CDs and love them all. Thanks for sharing your beautiful creations. You are simply awesome. Hope to see you again! Good luck in South America.
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Fri Oct 29 '04 11:18:11 am
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Do The Stu
Austin Lewis, III Costa Mesa, CA United States Plays: Bass (25 years)
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Zinc Master - You're welcome... :-) Let me know what you think of KWS once you buy an album or two...
...Austin...
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Fri Oct 29 '04 11:39:27 am
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iced_dt
miguel hernandez villahermosa, tabasco mexico Plays: Guitar (22 years)
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joe:
i'm 16 and i'm also a guitar player, but i would like to say "like you", anyway, i just wanted to say that your the "MAN" and your my ildo along with steve vai, yngwie, petrucci, friedman, neal morse, jonhson and other, that's why i wanna ask you:
why didn't you release the G32001???
i'll be waiting for your answer.
YOU ROCK!!!!!.
later.
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Fri Oct 29 '04 11:56:10 am
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wolf2
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Hey Zinc Master nice joke man.I wonder how arafat is doing you will need him for your U.S. election already familliar with george good thing to have.It seems like only yeterday saddam was on television for interviews now a prisoner with games . hey joe later wolf.
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Fri Oct 29 '04 12:19:38 pm
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tack51
RYAN DEUSENBERRY CARSON CITY, NEVADA U.S.A Plays: Guitar (35 years)
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Hey Joe, When are we going to see another live dvd from you like the San Fran dvd? Keep up the great work and see you next time around in Reno.
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Fri Oct 29 '04 12:51:53 pm
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slanshroom
roy marchbank Scotland, Barcelona Spain Plays: Guitar (51 years)
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Clarky:Maybe it should it be 16 bars in Pheonix Street,indeed,is there a Pheonix Steet?and does it have good ale?lol,Rons goin t phone me this Sunday,i,ll organize it t be on site pronto & dont hold back from the jazz police in your head when y hear it.I wont be,give it loads Paul
Zenfish:I,m living in Barcelona & will be for who knows how long,I,ve had people from home telling me i shouldnt be doing the work i,m doing,people from all over the planet....this time for me is...time out,its time t re-evaluate just me & put me on the rails i need t run on.I,ve watched so many in famous bands & not so famous stumble & fall...i guess from being there,i,m almost afraid of going back,although i will...next time i,ll do it better,i,ll be me from now on & no bull about it.How are you doin anyway,nuff about me,lol
T all in T2J...If i,ve missed anyone over the last 2 months,y know what life is like...peace t y all
Edited Fri Oct 29 '04 1:40 pm
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Fri Oct 29 '04 1:35:37 pm
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achoo
Tobias Barnes Chicago, Illinois United States Plays: Guitar (33 years)
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Hey all! Okay, 1 hour of work left. Just got (under)paid. Question: I want to buy a dvd Which should I buyJoe Live in San, Megadeth Rude Awakenig, DT(saw Petrucci live but dont know shit about them otherwise), or some Led Zeplin?
How does that Joe LIS sound? Is it anyhting like an EWJS? The improv, etc?
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Fri Oct 29 '04 2:08:44 pm
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962
Simon Granada, Andalucia Spain Plays: Guitar (24 years)
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Clarky, excellent, that's the way it should be when you're dropped the task of having to make an arrogant, self-absorbed wanker look stupid, and realise that they aren't the best thing on the planet.
If it had of been sophisticated, the untrained ear and eye would have seen you both as equals and would have thought you'd put on a jolly good show! That's not the way it's meant to be when you're showing someone up for the complete twat they really are.
Zinc Master, you're welcome dude, let us know if you decide to get some of Kenny's stuff!
Jazzzzzy, hope you're havin a safe trip man! Have a cool weekend!
achoo, get Joe Live In SanFran. It's long, the image quality is razor-sharp, the sound is full and consistent throughout, and there's some really great jams, especially on Cool # 9 and Summer Song. It's a kick-ass show, and the special feature is ace too!
http://www.soundclick.com/pro/?BandID=246433
edit: I just heard, Osama BinLaden has surfaced, and released a statement, basically saying George Bush is a twat and john Kerry isn't much of an upgrade, and he thinks the whole US-election thing is a jolly good wheeze.
Edited Fri Oct 29 '04 2:16 pm
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Fri Oct 29 '04 2:13:57 pm
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achoo
Tobias Barnes Chicago, Illinois United States Plays: Guitar (33 years)
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962: Cool#9 and summer song are wahat make me not want to get it. Those songs have played themselves out. But the improv that's whats got to be on point for me to buy that dvd. Comming from EWJS, I dont think that LIS can mess with what he did up there this time. But I can still be talked into it. so...
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Fri Oct 29 '04 2:21:41 pm
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jt93
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tomorrow nite i get to see the show in austin :) floor seats, i sooo wanted to win the backstage thingie. i have a js-1000 i play that i wanted to get signed. at least the trem cover plate :(
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Fri Oct 29 '04 2:22:42 pm
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