Joe,

I had a dream at some stage over the last week that I thought was pretty cool, although the dream must have been in concept form I guess as I’ve not learned anything new from the dream or since the dream.

My dream was of your instructional DVD – which of course doesn’t exist as yet – and it was a different format to most other guitar instructionals that I’ve come across.

It differed in that instead of concentrating on showing us how to rip and shred, or how you rip and shred, you take the time to explain things like modal transition and stuff. The DVD basically gave us more of your interpretation of theory rather than application (but still showed us neat stuff) and it was more about you talking about how you achieved such the highest level of not only guitar but overall musical expertise.

What would be really cool is if such an instructional DVD did exist past my dream (hint hint).

By the way, check out the Aussie Legion of Joe Fans poking their heads about following the news that you’re touring here next year. Hope you bring Jeff (what can be said?), Stu (you’ve ditched him???) and Eric (the whiz) to Australia. Please keep the T2J fans updated?

Looking forward to meeting you Joe,

Joe,

I had a dream at some stage over the last week that I thought was pretty cool, although the dream must have been in concept form I guess as I’ve not learned anything new from the dream or since the dream.

My dream was of your instructional DVD – which of course doesn’t exist as yet – and it was a different format to most other guitar instructionals that I’ve come across.

It differed in that instead of concentrating on showing us how to rip and shred, or how you rip and shred, you take the time to explain things like modal transition and stuff. The DVD basically gave us more of your interpretation of theory rather than application (but still showed us neat stuff) and it was more about you talking about how you achieved such the highest level of not only guitar but overall musical expertise.

What would be really cool is if such an instructional DVD did exist past my dream (hint hint).

By the way, check out the Aussie Legion of Joe Fans poking their heads about following the news that you’re touring here next year. Hope you bring Jeff (what can be said?), Stu (you’ve ditched him???) and Eric (the whiz) to Australia. Please keep the T2J fans updated?

Looking forward to meeting you Joe,

Hey Joe!

I am not sure if you are aware, but at the following link: http://www.memritv.org/Search.asp?ACT=S1#
at clip # 311, Iranian TV was using parts of "Summer Song" for an anti-American cartoon filler!!!!!

I was in complete shock when I heard this one.

Check out the video, then send Iranian TV a nasty-gram!

962: Simon I was very impressed with your work. You can always perfect Time Boogie when you feel like it. I'm going to listen to your other songs tomorrow. I have to be at work at 6:30 am ...ughh! Not fun after 4 days off. But at least I have KWS to look forward to on Tuesday. My parents left for Florida today so there won't be much of a birthday this year. My sis just called and we are going to meet at my favorite Chinese place for dinner. Then I'll head off to the show. It will probably be the best one ever if you ask me. If I was going to see JS then it would be the BEST but KWS will suffice. ;-))) He'll do very nicely cause I'm sure he'll do a few SRV songs. Damn Straight! It'll be a kick ass show! Perfect for my bday!

OpticalStudio: Steven, Thank you my friend. You have always been there for me and I hope I can always be there for you. I am here for you. Your kindness has been very inspiring. I try to be more giving and understanding like you have shown to me. Stay true to your soul and it will all work out. It has worked for me. Hang in there, God has a plan for you! I believe in you. I just got confirmation about NAMM regarding someone very special. I'll let you know later. ;-))))

Alexandrecaetano: Hello Alex!!! How are you? Nice weekend? I hope all's well with you . Did you tell Goncalo that I really liked his CD? It's really good. I'll give you more imput after I listen a few more times. Have a great week my friend! ~~Sea Eyes~~~

Just wanted to let you know, you've got a new fan Joe! I am so brainwashed by your music! Would you please consider playing in the Netherlands? I can't wait to see you play, I'm on fire! Wishing you a great tour, keep on rockin'!!! Good luck to the crew and G3 too! Love your music.

I also want to talk about Jazzzzzy's post which talk about Metallica and Megadeth.... Well, YOU find that there's no bug in Megadeth carrear, but it's your mind guy.... You must accept that somebody likes all Metallica records and dislikes some Megadeth records.... To my mind, this two bands are great heavy metal band. But I prefer Hetfield's composition than Mustain's. It's personal so...

Mastering: I dont find any "bugs" in Megadeth's career. I dont care if other people like all Metallica albums, but after the black album I believe all their albums needed to be sold at the dollar store. And you need to accept the fact that there are millions of people who think Mustaine is a better songwriter than Metallica. Mustaine wrote Metallica's Kill Em All, btw.

jazzzzy, I didn't have time to download the Opeth track last night, after uploading 17 mb and downloading 3! hehe. Can I have the link again? sorry dude......

Oh, and thanks for the one-liners!

I'm pleased you liked The Eye Of Ra......I'm really happy with the track itself, but I'm annoyed by the poor mix, that you hear on that MP3. The rolling hi-hat and the echo-ey chime arpeggio thing are louder than everything else, and get tiresom.....makes you feel like you got tinitus!

SteaT __ Don't worry with Jazzzzy. He loves bite. I don't know why, but he's a real web enraged. So, tell about your influences, if you want. We are here between musicians. & all musician gets some influences.

zenfish: what? sorry i cannot understand what you said. what the hell is web enraged? why do i like "bite"? and why are you involving stevee t in this? you're so wierd!...but funny in a wierd way.

962: download Windowpane. trust me, its worth the wait!

http://www.opeth.ch/index.php?id=17

Zenfish,

Always good to hear from you.

I agree with you about influences....we're like sponges...affected by our surroundings....you'll hear a song you don't even like....yet...you'll be humming the tune 5 minutes later....Chesnuts, Roasting on an open fire...Jacque Frost nippin at your nose....

I list some of my influences on my web site....soon....soon.....

jazzy - zero gee gettin' monged and screwin' must have been among the list of experiments for NASA...

if not... then woz the point of it all...

What's up with famous people and their children's names . . . .

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are...

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

The letter to the bank, shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96-year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to request to have it published in the New York Times.

---------------------

Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: 1. To make an appointment to see me.

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year?

New Taxes

The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemlpoyed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 2005 your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows:

10"- 12" Luxury Tax..........$30.00

8"- 10" Pole Tax.............$25.00

5"- 8" Privilege Tax.........$15.00

4"- 5" Nuisance Tax..........$3.00

Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!

Sincerely, Pecker Checker IRS

*****NOTE*****

We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:

- Are there penalties for early withdrawals?

- What if one's penis is self employed?

- Do multiple partners count as a corporation?

- Are condoms adeductible expense as work clothes?