JS1200Kid

very cool

hi joe how you`re doin? well it`s me again,im waiting for november 30.....it`s going 2 be an amazing night....joe i love your music you are my inspiration thank u veryu much¡¡¡¡¡¡

satch,i want ur sign please......make my dreams come true¡¡¡¡ i hope youre goind to think about it.....in which hotel are u going to stay? or tell me if u are going somewhere else...to sign some cd`s or to a conference¡¡¡¡¡¡

or inclusive it would be magical if u sell some vip tickets...

please...answer me¡¡¡¡¡

with respect joe¡¡¡¡

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.

His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing!?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money and was a real miser.

He loved money more than anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

So he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

She said, "I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It clearly announced, "$500 Porsche! New!"

The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but he said to himself, It's worth a shot.

So he went to the house of the lady who was selling the Porsche and she led him into the garage. Sure enough, there was an almost-brand-new Porsche.

"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "Can I take it for a test drive?"

"Sure," answered the lady.

Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly.

When he got back to the lady's house, he asked her, "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

A wife wakes up and sees her husband isn't in bed. She finds him in the kitchen crying over a cup of coffee.

"What's wrong?" the wife asks.

"Remember when you were only 16 and I was 18 and your dad caught us in the back seat of my car? He put a shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or you'll go to jail for twenty years.'"

The wife says, "Of course I remember. But, why are you crying?"

A little old Irishman gets pulled over by a policeman, who says,

"Sir? Do you realize your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?"

A middle-aged guy had just been dumped by his wife. So, he decides to go out and buy a shiny, new red BMW Z-3 convertible. He's driving along at 80 mph, when he sees a flashing light on a police car in the rear view mirror.

"What the hell, he can't keep up with a BMW," he thinks to himself. So he floors it.

A few minutes later, he's overcome with guilt. "Hey! What am I doing," he thinks? And he slows down and pulls over.

The cop asks him for his license, and walks around the car while he examines both. When the cop gets back to the driver's door, he says, "It's Friday the thirteenth. My shift is just about over. I'm tired and I want to go home. If you can give me a good excuse, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a split second and says…

A policeman stopped a guy for driving erratically. He peered intently into the driver's eyes and said, "Your eyes look bloodshot, have your been drinking?"

An elderly man was driving his Buick down the freeway when his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

Three Professors from Our Fair City go down to Mexico one night, get arrested, and wake up in jail only to find out that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Harvard School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die and they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words, "I am from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

They throw the switch and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go, too.

A group of naked men are sitting in a sauna discussing business and stocks when suddenly a cellular phone rings.

"Hi honey, are you at the club?"

"Yes, dear."

"Honey you won't believe this but I'm standing in front of Giovanni's and there's a beautiful mink on sale in the window."

"How much is it, dear?"

"They're giving it away. Only $5,000. Can you believe it?"

"But you already have fur coats?"

"Please dear it's absolutely exquisite!"

"Fine, fine go ahead and buy it!"

"Thank you sweetheart. Oh, not to keep you much longer, but I passed by the Mercedes dealership this morning and saw their new convertible. It was to die for! I talked to the salesman and the one in the showroom is brand new, leather seats, power everything, gold coloured. What do you think?"

"Honey, come on, we already have cars!"

"You promised me that I could get a convertible!"

"How much is it?"

"You won't believe it but he said he'd let us have it for $85,000 fully loaded with all the options!"

"Okay, okay, go ahead and purchase it!"

"I love you, you're the best husband a wife could ask for. I hope I'm not pushing it, but remember our trip we took to Paris? Remember the Brown's place with the swimming pool, tennis courts? It's on the market to be sold. I saw it this morning at the Real Estate agency. If we bought it we would have a perfect place to stay during the cold winter months!!!"

"I had actually thought about it. You say it's on the market?"

"Really, you were actually thinking about it? Can I go make an offer on it? You know it's not listed very high, and it would be perfect for our type of lifestyle!!"

"How much is it listed at?"

"Only $425,000 sweetheart. It's a steal!"

"I guess we've got money put away. Go ahead and make an offer but no more than $415,000."

"This is turning out to be a great day! Can't wait to see you later tonight to celebrate!!!"

"See you tonight dear."

A panda walks into a restaurant. He sits down and orders some food. The waiter brings the panda his meal. After he eats, when the waiter brings him the check, the panda takes out a gun and shoots him.

As the panda is leaving, the owner of the restaurant asks him, "Why did you shoot my waiter?" The panda replies, "I'm a panda. Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out.

A couple of Tennessee hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

A guy goes into a restaurant and lounge, with his shirt open at the collar, and is stopped by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to get in.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a tie and discovers that he just doesn't have a one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation, he ties these around his neck, and manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

Wow.... Just getting back to reality. I needed to distance myself from the election and john q six pack's (who may have lived in multiple countries but hasn’t been off the 'tit' for two decades) looser remarks.

The AMERICAN public voted, Bush won. Get on with it.

Oh by the way, (are you listening 962) it really didn’t pay to "give a shit" about what the world sentiment was for the election BECAUSE IT HAD NO EFFECT. Is this not what I said before the election? After dropping out of site and following Joe from Nashville to New Orleans, I wanted to just lurk through this forum for a while and see the responses. I ran out of beer and afghani 1 rolled neatly in zig zags. But I can get more....

Life is great, let's have FOUR MORE YEARS OF IT!

Living large and LOVING life.

^^^^^ fuckin embarrased to be an american.

DamlMissNamm- it really didn't pay to give a shit?

Despite your arrogant attitude that no one outside America is allowed to have an opinion on it, we DO have an opinion. This is because what Bush decides (with his puppet Blair) regarding his foreign policy DOES affect people in Britain. I for one am not pleased he got back in - not for anything to do with America, don't worry, - but for Britain. I think you'll find this is a fairly common view over here- and also with 49?% of America too?

DammMissNamm
Wow.... Just getting back to reality. I needed to distance myself from the election and john q six pack's (who may have lived in multiple countries but hasn’t been off the 'tit' for two decades) looser remarks.

You sure have been to several countries...to guide your missiles into civilian houses. You were probably waving the confederate flag and singing songs in praise of Hitler while you were launching missiles.

The AMERICAN public voted, Bush won. Get on with it.

Sure, Americans voted. But I will not get on with it. Only idiots like you do not realise Bush is the reason America is earning a bad name. Leaving Tenessee is not going to a foreign country.

Oh by the way, (are you listening 962) it really didn’t pay to "give a shit" about what the world sentiment was for the election BECAUSE IT HAD NO EFFECT. Is this not what I said before the election? After dropping out of site and following Joe from Nashville to New Orleans, I wanted to just lurk through this forum for a while and see the responses. I ran out of beer and afghani 1 rolled neatly in zig zags. But I can get more....  

Life is great, let's have FOUR MORE YEARS OF IT!

I lived in different countries. You killed in different countries. I am sure you must be singing "the roof is fire" while launching missiles.

HEY!!! FOUR MORE WARS! WOOHOO!

DammMissNamm: You have all my ill wishes and curses.