RECENT STUDY FOUND OUT WHICH DAYS MEN PREFER TO HAVE SEX. IT WAS FOUND THAT MEN PREFERRED TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY ON THE DAYS THAT STARTED WITH THE LETTER "T". EXAMPLES OF THOSE DAYS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

TUESDAY

THURSDAY

TODAY

TOMORROW

THANKSGIVING

THATURDAY

THUNDAY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A RECENT SURVEY WAS CONDUCTED ALSO TO DISCOVER WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. HERE ARE THE SURVEY RESULTS:

5% SAID IT WAS TO GET A GLASS OF WATER 12% SAID IT WAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM 83% SAID IT WAS TO GO HOME ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT'S THE BEST FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL AFTER 50?

NUDITY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GIRLFRIEND AND A WIFE?

ABOUT 45 LBS.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BOYFRIEND AND A HUSBAND?

ABOUT 45 MINUTES

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SOUTHERN ZOO AND A NORTHERN ZOO?

A SOUTHERN ZOO HAS A DESCRIPTION OF THE ANIMAL ON THE FRONT OF THE CAGE, ALONG WITH A RECIPE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NORTHERN FAIRYTALE AND A SOUTHERN FAIRYTALE?

Flagg Of course I remember Jason Becker, I like his music very much, is a damn shame that he is sick, great inspirational artist he is. I love the songs Air and Altitudes, those songs are awesome.

another night of megadeth tonight!!!

megadave played Holy Wars! shit!

Mr nick: is that your car in the water?

damn, i didnt know van halen's why cant this be love is such a good song. Its really good.

On the Air

On the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago, the DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers yes, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando,Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"

Brian: "Yes."

DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."

Brian: "Sara."

DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"

Brian: (laughing) Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."

DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?"

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her Mom is staying for a couple of weeks..."

DJ: "Uh huh..."

Brian: "...and the Mother-in-law was in the shower at the Time."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up.

DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo...do you know the rules of 'Mate match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Get it Sarah?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much,Sarah?"

Sarah: "Well, it's just that my Mom is vacationing with us and..."

DJ: "She saw?"

Sarah: "BRIAN?!"

Brian: "No, no I didn't..."

DJ: "Ease up there, sister. Just messing' with your head. Your answer, please?"

Sara: "Dear Lord...I cannot believe you told them this."

Brian: "Come on, honey, it's for a free trip to Florida."

DJ: "Let's go, sister. We ain't got all day here. Where did you do it?"

Sarah: (short pause) "In the ass." (long, long pause)

An old man goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.

When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"

jazzzzzzzy

I have seen that one before - it goes around every few months/years.

But - in Chicago there is no WBAM. WBAM is in Montgomery, Alabama.

There may have been one before in Chicago - but not in many many years.

THE LONE RANGER

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After their tent was all set up, they fell sound asleep.

One hour later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, Kemo-Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially millions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Marriage

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not.

( SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.' "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last."

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either, and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?

She says, "I was in bed.

In bed this early, doing what?

Getting a second opinion!

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, Mother of Six in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, Anytime you're ready, Father of Four.

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy.. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, What the heck, And started jumping up and down with her. She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said, "Great, Tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, When she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, She said, "Oh, honey, There's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'More?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one Baby, We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, He asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part.

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

What's up everybody? How ya'll doin'? How yo mamanem?

Jazzzzy, you son of a bitch! You saw Mega twice? Im on my way to the Riviera now to go look for some scalpers. I called of of work because I don't know how long it will take me to find a tic. I hope I can. If I find one early enough, I can go into work. Only two blocks away. Wish me luck!

jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy...no its not my car.

i just finished half-life 2... superb, superb game... i have very very little negative to say about it... anyone else got it yet? it's definitely worth it...

Jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy

Does any one know if joes doin any dates in the uk near nottingham or derby? Cos me and my friend badly want to see him. Any help would be appreciated.

DoTheStu: ...good news about that Dixie Dregs DVD from the legendary 1978 Montreux Jazz Festival...there are 3 out of 4 live tunes which were released on album "Night of the living Dregs" + 8 unreleased ones!

...still, there were better (Great) news (for you) under that: "STEVE MORSE BAND / DIXIE DREGS TO TOUR IN JANUARY 2005! Six dates in California and one in Arizona have been announced so far on the bands' upcoming tour in January 2005. Check out the dates here!" [there's a link (at his web page)...go check it out!] ...Fffuck! You'll have a double treat!! Why don't I live in the west coast of USA???

Mr Nick, excellent, I'm pleased to hear that amigo! Man I'd really like to see a DTM race some time....those cars are so meaty! A 550bhp Mercedes CLK? Don't mind if I do! hehe

Shame to hear you got a Ferrari jacket, but I guess we can't all be Porsche fans. hehe j/k. Dude you should go to Lemans some day - it's awesome. Also, on model cars....that's cool man. I just finished making a 1/24 scale Porsche Carrera GT a week ago. It's really nice, completely accurate.

Yeah absolutely, I wonder how many people would march on a real issue?! I know a million people marched through London, against the War on Afghanistan/Iraq, but I bet none of them were fox-hunters!

The fact is, with Halo 2, the only mention he got was in the final, rolling credits - "Steve Vai appears courtesy of Epic Records" or Capitol Records, whoever it was. That really surprised me.