Hi everyone!

Noppa: "Ian Gillan on 'Child In Time' in a version where Joe imitates the screams with his guitar"; Wow!... 1. Is that  
recorded? 2. (if yes) Is it available somewhere??... Ian's voice on that one has always been extremely passionate... and I know -as you all- that Joe's guitar can be the most passionate!... what a choice.

Oh yes, it's recorded. I have it on a bootleg from the '93 show in Osaka. It's an unofficial release called 'The Battle', photo here. Hard to find, you can download the song here. I have uploaded it for everyone interested :-)

bahduh: what du yu have to say about barcas' performance

Ohhhhh! Barsa swept Real Madrid aside!!!!!!!! Barsa played harder and more efficient than Real Madrid and played with a more team mentality. Their defense was better too. I'm really disappointed with the 'Galacticos'. Real Madrid ultimately is more focused on developing as a marketing vehicle than as a soccer team, and that's a pity. I'm not a soccer real fan but I prefer Real Madrid than Barsa because is the team of my city, I live near the Bernabeu ;-), all the best

marimariSRV: Joe...You bring to our lives great joy! I (We) shall always be incredibly thankful to you.....not just one day a year.....every day I give thanks for your incredible gift! You inspire so many people in so many ways you've never imagined...

Beautiful message, I agree with you.

Michelle, Congrats for your 2000!

Joe, Madrid loves you!!!!!!!!

EDIT: The link

Suzie: Thank you dear!!! I feel the same way about you!!! take care!!!

jazzzzzzzy

what joke was it?

jazzzzzzzy

I found it - all gone

This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio communication between a U.S. NAVY ship and Canadian authorities off the cost of Newfoundland, October 1995. Radio log released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95:

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

[iA Dinner Conversation That Went Wrong [/i]

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

{b]The 11th Commandment

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.

They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten.

After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:

Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed.?????

A. A cherry float.

Q. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?

A. Beat it - we're closed.

Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?

A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?

A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q. What's the speed limit of sex?

A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?

A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?

A. She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?

The Starter Pistol

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem...

In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself".

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife.

At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?".

Q. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?

A. She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Sunday Class

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty !" shouted Mary.

The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary.

The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

A Lease On Love

A proper English Gentleman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:

it had never been occupied; that there was plenty of heat that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home.

Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250.00 with the following note:

Dear Sir:

Jazzzzzzzy :-)

Steven- so far so good with the computer!...

Zinc master...nice-v.entertaining....But here's something i found out recently, an you can all make ure own inferences from this...

...did you know that it takes 6 months in Texas to get a divorce, but only 15 days to get a gun....

take care people!!

Tahir

Stevee, thanks. The tattoo is an angel.

Lucy, thanks.

Joke Master, you'll be at 2000 in no time. lol!

Delfino, It's at 7-14-01 in the road section. It was one of the best nights ever :)

Steven, hello friend :)

I just saw a new video game that's coming out. It's a game where you can re-enact the shooting of JFK (swear to God). The player has a scope with crosshairs that you can aim at the cars as they go by in the parade. The player is up high shooting from a window. If you shoot Jackie, you lose points. Who makes this shit up, and even worse, who buys this shit?

Redneck Medical Terms

Artery......................The study of paintings.

Benign......................What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.

Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.

Colic.......................A sheep dog.

Coma........................A punctuation mark.

D&C.........................Where Washington is.

Dilate......................To live long.

Enema.......................Not a friend.

Fester......................Quicker than someone else.

Fibula......................A small lie.

Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.

G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.

Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.

Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.

Node........................I knew it.

Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.

Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative..............A letter carrier.

Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.

Rectum......................Darn near killed him.

Secretion...................Hiding something

Seizure.....................Roman emperor.

Tablet......................A small table.

Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor.......................More than one.

Urine.......................Opposite of you're out

michelle

Just spreading the fun around the world of T2J.

Numbers only count.

If we lived on Pluto, we would all be a lot younger, age wise.

If I remember correctly, and I may not, it takes Pluto 7 earth years to go around the sun. So, if you are 49 in earth years, you would only be 7 on Pluto.