Sex In The Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic.

Sorry for the Caps

A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS. HE BREAKS INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN BED.

HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK, THEN GETS UP AND GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.

WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE: "LISTEN, THIS GUY'S AN ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS.

I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK. IF HE WANTS SEX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU. SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US. BE STRONG, HONEY. I LOVE YOU"

Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.

Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

The proctologist called ...they found your ZZZhead.

Everyone has a photographic memory ...some just don't have any film.

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Some people just don't know how to drive... I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

If you can read this..I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I'M TOLD THAT THIS STORY IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE...

In the great desert lived a band of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard. Thus, the man with the biggest beard was their chief.

After leading the band for many years, Benny decided he wanted to shave. He asked the elders for their advice. They were shocked. They reminded him of the ancient warning that the leader who shaved would be turned into earthenware.

Benny scoffed at that, and cut his beard. As the final whisker was cut, a huge dust storm came up. When it cleared, there stood a man-sized clay vessel. The elders knew the legend must be true.

Their conclusion?

JOE IS MENTIONED ON A GODSMACK DVD!

DUDES!!!!

I'm sitting here watching the Godsmack Changes DVD, and I take a quick break to get a drink (okay, I had to pee). I come back through and stopped in the kitchen for a second (to get that drink), and I hear Sully say JOE SATRIANI. Wha? Did I just hear what I think I heard???

I run into the livingroom and hit the rewind button. Sully is talking about his guitar player Tony Rombola and how he, like the bass player Robbie, can play a wide variety of styles, not just heavy riffs. Sully says "He (Tony) can play anything, I'm sure, from JOE SATRIANI to whatever, and uh, he was raised with his own influences from Toni Iommi to Jimi Hendrix to whatever."

VERY COOL to know bands like Godsmack know who the masters are!

This is a killer DVD. Just the song Re-Align and the visuals at the opening of it - it makes every hair stand on end. It also shows Sully and Shannon (fuckin' Larkin) with their daughters on the road.

As for Shannon Larkin, he's such a HUGE drummer! He's skinny as a friggin' rail, but he fills every cubic inch of space behind his kit. He's an animal and his arms never stop flying all over the place.

I gotta get back to watching the DVD. I still haven't see it through to the end. They're getting ready to show my FAVORITE part - the drum solo!!!

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

OMG that rocked!! I cranked the volume to the surround sound up to 55 and sat in the middle of the room on the floor. They rocked when I saw them live on Oct. 19th, and they rock on this DVD!! Geezus man, just when you think your head can't take any more, they break out into the opening of YYZ and go into a medley with Aerosmith, Zeppelin, Rush - aww man, it's f'in killer!! I stood with my hands over my mouth when I saw them at the show. It was so incredible I almost couldn't bear it. lmao!!!

ha! Enough of my Godsmack excitement. I now return you to your regularly scheduled program ;-)

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

ome - tHE wACHOVIA aRENA - wILKES bARRE, pa

why do people vote for bush?

he's a stupid idiotic crazy maniac intent on taking over every country in the world and taking whatever oil there is for his own use.
he has endangered the whole world with his war on terror with no regard for the safety of his own people including his army.
blair is just as bad with sucking up to bush. blair has done the same thing with endangering this country and our army.

people who follow these 2 men and what they stand for are either misinformed and misguided or stupid, blind and just as idiotic as the people they follow.

Hello Joe and friends: It is a mexican tradition to do “calaveras” (translation= skeletons”), the calaveras are done to remember lost family, friends etc. But calaveras are also done on alive people to have fun. Calaveras are done with rhymes, making jokes about how people is going to go with the death. Death is celebrated on November 2 and I always do my family’s calaveras. This year I will attempt to do something funny about this forum, it is my first calavera in english, so, I hope you like it (I don’t mean to insult you guys, it is just for fun). I missed a lot of people here, so if anyone wants to add some sentences to the calavera, please feel free !

Saludos amigos

Joe was playing a gig, at Mexico City, when death came to get him, he said “Damn, what a pity”

Joe come with me, I know you’re a hell of a player, but you didn’t entertained me, because I always prefered Slayer

Joe replied very angry, please don’t take me yet, I will maka a recommendation, that I’m sure you won’t regret

Please take my friends at Talk 2 Joe, they are useless people, they don’t do their homework, and they don’t work either

Ok said death, I’ll give you a chance, I hope I don’t regret it, lets give it a try

Alexandre didn’t want to go, In Portugal I will stay, I want to give a show, I don’t care nobody attends

Clarky liked the idea, he always reads books about Nazis, he likes war and death, he likes to say he is fancy

Michelle didn’t like that fact, my children and husband need me, but then her husband stepped in the way, please go with the death and satisfy my need

Tastey didn’t want to go, I am planning to have a daughter, I will only go with you, if you bring my band Slaughter

Jose Vega wanted to go, but death didn’t like that fact, with your multiple replies, I’m sure you will give me a heart attack

Jazzy didn’t like the idea, and gave death words very unpropper, Cuthbert shoved Jazzy and said, go with the death grasshopper

Austin stepped in the way, and gave death a T2J cd, come on give it a try, and get the hell out of here

I already heard it, I prefer the doors, I hate every song in that cd, specially Dark Koridorz

Adrián, that's fantastic and funny as hell!! I'm going to print it out so I can save it and show it to my friends.

Just In from Yahoo

Mr Nick

A thought.

Didn't Great Britain send Chamberlain to Hitler and allow Hitler to take some "living room" in Checkoslovakia before WWII?

The news is just depressing. Guess the flag wavers got what they wanted.

Kerry/Edwards 2004

for accurate news, go to BBC.

962 - LOL Sorry... George Clinton is a fucking legend!!! I'm not entirely sure what genre you'd file him under but he's that black bloke who wears stupid glasses shaped like stars and other weird shit. You'd recognise him if you saw a picture. Probably... lol

Adrianorb: Death went to Zinc Master and asked if he wanted to go to hell....but when he came to know Zinc is a republican, death got afraid and ran away.

After the encounter with Zinc, Death went to Mari and asked if would like to go. Mari said she would go only is Death posed nude for her while she took pictures. Death got pissed off and ran away.

Death went to Delfino, but when he saw Delfino eating dolphin pie, he freaked out and buzzed off.

Then death came to JS_JS, but JS_JS came out to the death. Death was like "dude, i'm not gay"

Death went to Tonecapone and saw he lived in a trailer. That was not acceptable.

Death went to Zenfish, but death couldnt understand what the fuck he was talking about and it was aggravated by the fact that ZenFish gave him another name......Death thought that was so not cool.......

jazzzzzzzy

Hi Mikey - good to see you too. Was in Japan for a few days in September - thought about ya. Was just in Tokyo and went half way up Fuji-san too.

Also went to Thailand - loved it there. Going back in April. Just moved to NY as well - hopefully get SBM going again soon - we'll see.

Hope all is well with you.