A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy.. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, What the heck, And started jumping up and down with her. She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said, "Great, Tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, When she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, She said, "Oh, honey, There's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'More?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one Baby, We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, He asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part.

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

What's up everybody? How ya'll doin'? How yo mamanem?

Jazzzzy, you son of a bitch! You saw Mega twice? Im on my way to the Riviera now to go look for some scalpers. I called of of work because I don't know how long it will take me to find a tic. I hope I can. If I find one early enough, I can go into work. Only two blocks away. Wish me luck!

jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy...no its not my car.

i just finished half-life 2... superb, superb game... i have very very little negative to say about it... anyone else got it yet? it's definitely worth it...

Jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy

Does any one know if joes doin any dates in the uk near nottingham or derby? Cos me and my friend badly want to see him. Any help would be appreciated.

DoTheStu: ...good news about that Dixie Dregs DVD from the legendary 1978 Montreux Jazz Festival...there are 3 out of 4 live tunes which were released on album "Night of the living Dregs" + 8 unreleased ones!

...still, there were better (Great) news (for you) under that: "STEVE MORSE BAND / DIXIE DREGS TO TOUR IN JANUARY 2005! Six dates in California and one in Arizona have been announced so far on the bands' upcoming tour in January 2005. Check out the dates here!" [there's a link (at his web page)...go check it out!] ...Fffuck! You'll have a double treat!! Why don't I live in the west coast of USA???

Mr Nick, excellent, I'm pleased to hear that amigo! Man I'd really like to see a DTM race some time....those cars are so meaty! A 550bhp Mercedes CLK? Don't mind if I do! hehe

Shame to hear you got a Ferrari jacket, but I guess we can't all be Porsche fans. hehe j/k. Dude you should go to Lemans some day - it's awesome. Also, on model cars....that's cool man. I just finished making a 1/24 scale Porsche Carrera GT a week ago. It's really nice, completely accurate.

Yeah absolutely, I wonder how many people would march on a real issue?! I know a million people marched through London, against the War on Afghanistan/Iraq, but I bet none of them were fox-hunters!

The fact is, with Halo 2, the only mention he got was in the final, rolling credits - "Steve Vai appears courtesy of Epic Records" or Capitol Records, whoever it was. That really surprised me.

Hello great Satch friends :-)) !!! Good evening!!! I`ve been busy on work and the weather is very cold over here. Because that i got an infection on my right ear :-(.

962 - i didn`t know that Nuno was Drummer in the past. Thank for the info :-)). Btw did you liked my website? Let me know what do you think :-). Regards and have a good weekend :-).

JAZZZY - Lucky guy, Megadeth rocks indeed :-). Dave Mustaine is incredible :-). Congrats about the Backstage pass :-)).

ZENFISH - Good luck for the future about your plans bro :-). How are you?

OPTICALSTUDIO - Thanks for your very kind words about my music :-).

MICHELLE - Yeah, it was a nice experience hear Ovation1 :-). He is vey kind :-). A true Gentleman :-) !!! How are you sweetheart? It`s curious you like heavy and trash metal. I like that too :-)). Kisses for you and heva a good weekend baby. Hadji is fine. Sending gretting for your cats :-)).

BAHDUH - Hello Indian friend, i`m here friend :-). I`ve been busy and ill, but i never forget all of you :-). You are great friends for me :-). Thanks. How is going your baby ? Hope very well. Where you live in India, Calcuta? Have a good a good weekend friend and take care. Sending good vibes :-).

OCPS470 and DCK - Sending my best wishes for their hands. Sometimes i have a ball in a tendon, something strange but no pains. No problem to play happily ;-). Take care friends.

DO THE STU - Great news from Steve Morse, i can`t wait :-)).

SLANSHROOM - Good luck with the record bro :-). I can`t wait to hear new stuff :-). My best wishes :-) !!

WEBMASTER - Thanks by your updates and congrats to Australia and New Zeland :-) !!!! Regards for you Dear Jon Luini :-). Have a good weekend!!

Good weekend friends, all the best and i wish you a warm day tomorrow ;-). See you soon, later Alex.

tonight's gonna be a headbanging night!!!

Achoo, DUDE! I will try finding a ticket for you! I think one of my friends is going to back out! I will do my best and email you!

962, check yo email!

alexandre: for sure man, Megadeth rox my face off as much as Jesus! They will be touring europe so make sure you get some!

Drill Sgt: ~"I don't know, but I've been told !"~

Recruits: ~"I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD !"~

Drill Sgt: ~"...that Eskimo's p**sy is mighty cold !"~...

This stinks.

Do The Stu was kind enough to send me an invite for a gmail account.

I got one all set up - now I have forgotten my username and password.

I have tried everything - and cannot get in.

Just ranting here - really pissed at myself.

Noppa....you are correct, it was in fact Full Metal Jacket. And considering that the Marine drill Sgt. in the movie was a Marine drill Sgt. in real life, it's a safe bet that it's an actual song that Marines are made to sing during basic training.

SupaaDave: (nice coincides coming up) Have you heard Extreme's album "III sides to every story"? ...the first song "Warheads" starts with this nice chat by a Drill instructor ...and I bet my nuts that it's the same guy that in that movie "Full Metal Jacket" !!! ...go listen to it!

Edit: The guy's name was mentioned on the cd sleeve: Sgt. Philip Meyers. Now we'll just have to check the guy's name in the movie...

Edit II: ...lost my nuts...but he really sounds the same...

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