GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

Signs of Menopause

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2 You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

OLD IS WHEN:

1. Going! bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.

4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Thoughts for the weekend

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Powerslave, as for using the big ol' boots to squish, eckhh! When possible, I call in my husband. When he's not around, sometimes I kill, sometimes I run. My method is spray. No guts to view that way. *cough*gag*

DCK, we have a lot of newbies these days. Maybe we should start posting about it again. I'm link impaired, so it's all you bro. lol!

Civgeek, I read the first 3 parts of your cousins email with tears in my eyes. I haven't gone back to read the rest yet. I hope and pray my son (and daughter) will never have to go to war. I don't think I could bear it. They would be alright, but I would have to be heavily sedated. It takes brave people like your cousin and the men and woman who sign on the dotted line. We should keep them in our hearts every day. Also all the families of these soldiers who have to function without that family member while they're gone...and the soldiers who never come back. God Bless them all.

Steven, I'm doing well. The weather is way warmer than usualy for January. It's 40 degrees now, and it's supposed to go up in the 50's. That's crazy! I'm not trusting Mother Nature to much these days. lol!

Suzie, I'm sending those good vibes!! The BEST of luck to ya!!

I'm just getting the third phone call in the last 5 minutes that is the WRONG number! It comes up as Louisiana on the caller ID. I didn't answer the first call. The second call I answered, and told the woman nicely that she had the wrong number. She was yelling at me in a different language. The third time she called back and yelled at my answering machine. I think I have a new friend. *groan*

Mikesb, we only have 3 DVD audio cd's and I love them. Our first purchase was made by my husband. He wanted to hear what it sounded like, and he knew me and the kids liked Linkin Park, so he came home with Reanimation. WHOA!! The first time we listened to it we all sat with our chins on the floor. It was so friggin' cool how the bass rolls across the floor like your in the speaker. The sound runs around the room and assaults you from every angle. BIG beats! It's awesome! Now I had to go put the cd on and listen to it. lol! I also have Metallica - The Black Album, and Deep Purple - Machine Head. Great stuff! ha! It's 8:40 a.m. and the house is rumbling. lol!

4th call - groan* She's still yelling at my ans. machine, and then talking with other people in the background. lol!

juju, have a fantastic time in Iceland!

SupaaDave, I bet that person is going to use the term LFG to refer to the "bait & tackle" from now on. lmao! That's pretty funny! lol! Actually, that's really funny! rotf!

Alexandre, thank you so much for the prizes. I will treasure them always :)

I think I have the music to loud. It feels like my brain is vibrating inside my skull, and my eyeballs feel like they're bouncing like the speaker cones. LOL! It would help if I was a bit more awake. lol!

Tracie, good luck with your lessons. No unwanted visitors showed up. lol! My daughter just realized that the bat knocked over a few things up on her shelf. She threw away some dried flowers she had because they were sure to have bat cooties on them. LOL! We're still nor sure how it got in the house, so we keep our bat radar on 24/7. lol! As for the kitty, I'm not sure if it's a girl or boy. We have 2 boys and want to stay with the same sex. I don't even know what sex the kitten is. They were barely walking when I saw them on Christmas eve, and I didn't want to pick it up and upset the mama. I doubt that we'll take it, but I want it. lol! We have already had 3 cats at the same time. It was like Romper Room! lol!

Bahduh, hello!

Zinc, good jokes! lol!

JOE - holla!!

Two Aliens

Two aliens landed in the New Mexico desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response and the older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you."

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that! I don't think you should make him mad."

"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, crumpling mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

About a half hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"

Michelle, re DVD Audio.. You are gonna have to get the Billy Cobham I mentioned . I suspect it will take your housework vibe to a totally new level!!! It shakes the dust off the mantle so to speak!

THIS should be interesting to listen to when the dude gets it available!!

Not a song selection for the faint of heart!!!

Delfino- that guitar looks sweet, are you bidding for it?

Michelle- thankyou, positives vibes really do help!! :-)

moved to the new school. change sux....but cool. i hate my dorm. Its been nicknamed the "dirty south" and my roommate is a republican.....grrrr.

will catch up when I have the time. For now, I am a million pages behind.

Webmaster, can you please post a message about Joe's health?

mikesb, I just checked at cduniverse to see if they have Spectrum. They have it for $14.something. I thought hmmm, wonder if they have it at my favorite DVD store on the net, so I went there. I just bought it for $10.80 with no S&H :) deepdiscountdvd is the bomb! lol! As for my husband & kids helping out... my husband put away the box of nic-nacs I had taken down to put up Christmas stuff. Well, I figured he put it up with the empty Christmas boxes. Nope. He has no idea where he put the damn box with all the pictures and stuff in it. LOL! He moved it while I was at work. He keeps asking me what *I* did with it. He usually helps much better than that. lol! My kids also help...when I threaten them with death or dismemberment. lol! No, they actually do chores, but I still get the majority of housework. I could really use something that will knock the dust off the high places. lol!

Adrián, thanks :)

Jazzy, good luck in the dirty south. LMAO! Dude, welcome to the world of living with a republican. My husband is one too. He's like an alien when we talk politics, which we don't do much. We're so opposite it isn't even funny, but he's my best bud in the world, so it's all good.

Happy first Monday of the year! More to follow...

Hey Joe.

Long time fan (since 1988 - "Surfing"). Own all your albums and have converted many to your sound. I've never seen you live so when the ListMaster sent me an email informing me of the House Of Blues gig, I bought the tickets (3 months in advance), booked time off work and arrived in Vegas after a 6 hour road trip from SLC, UT with my wife in tow. I showed up at the House Of Blues at 5:30pm to pick up my tickets, and it was there I learned the show was cancelled due to illness.

AAHHHHH!

Joe, as I mentioned I'm a long time fan, but I have to say that I was very disappointed and angry. More than seeing you live, I was really expecting to "convert" my wife to your sound through this concert.

Hey, if you want to make it up to me, I'll gladly accept a 1 hour guitar lesson or a concert in my home town with free tickets.

Get well soon.

Senior Moments

Three old people are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.

It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied,

"Just doing what you said, Doc:

'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"

An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE TEST

Count the "F's" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...(see below)

Scroll down only after you have counted them. Do you think there are three?

Wrong, there are 6 !!--no joke. Read it again. The reasoning behind it is further down.