cheese101
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thought this one was worth sharing...
Geriatric humor
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me
... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft... Today, it's called golf.
Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, Did you manage to live a well planned life? " " Yes," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married to an
undertaker." Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?" "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
Happy Birthday Jon!!
Edited Thu Jun 30 '05 6:15 pm
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Thu Jun 30 '05 6:03:30 pm
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Stevee T
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Happy Birthday yamboy!!!!!! Nice One cheesey!!!!
PhryDom, OCPS470, death cube k...when will the link occur back to Talk 2 Joe...round August when everythang's ready?
LesPaulGuy....linky no worky
Edited Thu Jun 30 '05 7:07 pm
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Thu Jun 30 '05 7:02:57 pm
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PhryDom
Dave
Atlanta, GA
USA
Plays: Guitar (45 years)
2095 posts total | IP Logged
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Steevee when we have the graphics finalised we'll launch the new look site, including the store for goodies.... shortly after that there'll be audio clips of the tracks.... and after that the CD will be available too.... sorry for the delay.... these creative types like to take their time lol, but trust us - it's looking mighty fine so far ;-)
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Thu Jun 30 '05 7:41:53 pm
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962
Simon
Granada, Andalucia
Spain
Plays: Guitar (24 years)
1714 posts total | IP Logged
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Clarky, cool, thanks for the input on sweeping, it's nice to get an in-depth explanation!
VFR, you made the right decision about not going to the Luke gig! Me and my two mates I went with were very disappointed. The sound was pretty apalling and there was nothing about it that left me buzzing. Maybe it was different on wednesday when the Gnome went! Aparrently Toto are coming back here next year or something, so if they do that'll definitely be worth seeing cause they were spot-on last year, I couldn't fault them.
Delfino, all schools around here call it a Prom, even the really rich ones.
hoiguy, thanks for posting those links, they're interesting. As for an answer to your question....I don't know! sorry!
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Fri Jul 1 '05 1:37:28 am
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Clarky
Paul Clark
plays the organ, going blind
www.paul-clark.com
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Yoda - hahaaa... life is looking up bro... very very cool.....
if you'd have seen the way I played the other night you'd be thinking.. "yup... he needs a teacher.." lmao....
it was just one of those days when playing seems like hard work.. lmao...
so I did the right thing... put the guitar down, grabbed a few Kronnies and put on Alien v Predator.. lmao..
I played last night... and normality has been restored.. lmao..
mari - I'll be sure to make sure that you surely don't kick my ass... lmao..
962 - I'm sure that we'll jam some day.... then I'll can show you this stuff up close.... it'll make a lot more sense when you see it done..
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Fri Jul 1 '05 2:05:04 am
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Happily Married
Rob Allen
Barrow-upon-Humber, North Lincolnshire
England
Plays: Guitar (23 years)
5 posts total | IP Logged
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This happy marriage routine has one down side...
I hadn't gone near my computer for 6 months so missed out on the EVO Tickets for the Vai Tour in October... I've just booked two tickets for the Sat 22nd show but I'm FIFTEEN rows back!! Sob sob.
At least I'm back here now so when Joe announces his next UK tour, I can book tickets that day...
Oh well, back to the washing up that the wife's left me to do... : )
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Fri Jul 1 '05 2:31:56 am
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DelfinoPie
Martin Phillips
King Of Monsters
Plays: Doctors & Nurses (
2296 posts total | IP Logged
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Al
"oh and delfino, i made my cv for "virgin" today, - virgin megastores (before u give some smart comments)
Like I would!? lmao...
I'll probably try some places like that, like HMV, Music Zone etc...thanks for reminding me lol.
Delfino
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Fri Jul 1 '05 2:38:14 am
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Zinc Master
Zinc Master
Crown Point, IN
USA
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Queen News
A two-CD set documenting Queen + Paul Rodgers' May 9 concert in Sheffield, England, is due out in September. A companion DVD should see light of day the following month. In other news, guitarist Brian May reports that Queen and Rodgers likely will play a few U.S. dates this year before returning for a full-fledged tour in the spring. Meanwhile, the recently reported Queen tribute album will be titled Killer Queen and will be issued on Aug. 2.
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Fri Jul 1 '05 5:40:11 am
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Zinc Master
Zinc Master
Crown Point, IN
USA
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World's Thinnest Books
FRENCH WAR HEROES
by Jacques Chirac
HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda
MY BEAUTY SECRETS
by Janet Reno
HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE
by John Denver
MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS
by Dan Marino
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
MY WILD YEARS
by Al Gore
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
DETROIT: a Travel Guide
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
by the EPA
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
Bridge Travel by Ted Kennedy
And the world's Number One Thinnest Book
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson
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Fri Jul 1 '05 5:47:46 am
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Zinc Master
Zinc Master
Crown Point, IN
USA
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The Top 5 Horror Movies Involving Virus-Laden Poo
5> Montezuma's Revenge of the Sith
4> Harry Plopper and the Chamber Pot of Secretions
3> Gigli
2> Flush... Flush, Sweet Charlotte
and the Number 1 Horror
Movie Involving Virus-Laden Poo...
1> Invasion of the Potty Snatchers
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Fri Jul 1 '05 5:50:37 am
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Zinc Master
Zinc Master
Crown Point, IN
USA
3563 posts total | IP Logged
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On a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.
Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.
They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a man from Texas stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome; tall, well-built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt.
........One button at a time.........
..............No one moves................
.............He removes his shirt....................
.......Muscles ripple across his chest..................
.................She gasps................
...............He whispers,.................
............"Iron this - and then get me a beer."..............
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Fri Jul 1 '05 5:52:24 am
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Blue_Moon
Alan McKenna
Dublin
Ireland
Plays: Guitar (23 years)
6317 posts total | IP Logged
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no the sad thing was the condom was unused!!! ha oh well.... i usually pass out anyways, i think i did during it once or twice.....
and it was kidnda a general comment, i was expecting somsone else to make a smart ass remark too :p
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Fri Jul 1 '05 5:53:31 am
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Blue_Moon
Alan McKenna
Dublin
Ireland
Plays: Guitar (23 years)
6317 posts total | IP Logged
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ah this year is a GREAT year for guitarists in ireland
the start of the year was velvet revolver, got to see slash eric bell played - ex thin lizzy guitarist, malmsteen played, vai is playing and paul gilbert is playing soon... iron maiden are comin at the end of the year, and i seen metallica and rhcp last year!!!
weh hey!!!!
Oh and 50c and eminem are playing at slane castle this year how cool is that homie
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Fri Jul 1 '05 5:59:08 am
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castle49
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marimari - We did not get the charity auction JS guitar I think the minimum bid was not met. But we did get an autographed one from a private seller. Where is it? Fed EX should be here by now. Slighty worried after being phished by someone.
So what Led Zep songs did they do? Last time he ended the show with "Whole Lotta Love". The place went crazy. Same place I saw SRV a couple times. We loved him too.
Brother Al - cute pictures.
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Fri Jul 1 '05 6:13:14 am
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Adam Mullen
Adam Mullen
Brewer, Maine
U.S.A.
Plays: Guitar (23 years)
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Hey Joe, I have a question... I heard that you attended Berkeley College of Music, a college that I have been considering quite a bit lately. I'm 17 right now, and I was wondering if you could possibly shed some light on the college for me. I'm kind of torn between music and Computer science and technology, and would appreciate your input. Thanks!
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Fri Jul 1 '05 6:47:33 am
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962
Simon
Granada, Andalucia
Spain
Plays: Guitar (24 years)
1714 posts total | IP Logged
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cuthbert, that's badass dude....Joe should get that image taken down, it's potentially unfair on him and his family.
edit: I'm off to get a plane to Holland in a few hours, will let you all know how The Aching Hunger: Phase II turns out when I get back next week.
Have a good weekend all.
Edited Fri Jul 1 '05 7:08 am
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Fri Jul 1 '05 7:05:51 am
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DelfinoPie
Martin Phillips
King Of Monsters
Plays: Doctors & Nurses (
2296 posts total | IP Logged
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oooo less than 3 hrs till I have to meet some mates in the bar we usually hang out in...then off to the prom, there's gonna be a shit load of pictures apparently. Everyone I know is taking cameras and my mate has already mentioned that we need to have our trademark picture taken once again...where we are always off to one side, holding up pint glasses lmao.
Al
From what my mates have told me about what they're wearing to the prom I don't think many of them are wearing white...I'm wearing flourescent lime green, another guy is wearing red and white and another is wearing yellow...so we aren't going to look like waiters (which was my initial worry lmao)
Delfino
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Fri Jul 1 '05 7:40:21 am
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The Farting Gnome
Mike Smith
Oakdale, Gwent
United Kingdom
Plays: Guitar (23 years)
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hey joe, hey guys
962- man, im sorry to hear about the LUKE gig. was it just the poor sound quality that spoiled it? never the less im sure youl enjoy the aching hunger gig, i must say i couldnt fault the gig when i went on wednesday except for the keyboard player. Luke had to keep correcting him and he kept screwin up, never the less the gig was still top! i got a pick and i touched lukes shoe,lol. il be sendin in my photos to his official website if you wanna check them out. then you can see how close i was to the stage.
Brian "Head" Welch has left Korn and become a christian,Awesum..good move. read his story in this months Guitar World.
any news on the new G3 DVD?
Peace
TFG
later dudes
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Fri Jul 1 '05 8:49:01 am
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