I got this email from my son Aaron.....I love being a parent.

Cuth...... you're gonna love this one.

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance....

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.

Have A Great Day ! ! ! !

The Worst Hybrid Ad Campaigns

17> Apple Computer/Ortega Refried Beans: Stink Different

16> Peter Paul Candy/Camel Cigarettes: Sometimes You Feel Like a Butt, Sometimes You Don't

15> Dell Computers/Vlasic: Dude, You're Gettin' a Dill!

14> Sprint/"Queer Eye for the Straight Guy": Can You Queer Me NOW?

13> Capital One/Preparation H: What's Up YOUR Ass?

12> Sure Deodorant/Enron: Raise Your Hand If You're Screwed!

11> Pillsbury/Ex-Lax: Ploppin' Fresh

10> Panasonic/TopFive: Just Slightly a Waste of Our Time

9> Budweiser/Philadelphia Cream Cheese: The King of Schmears

8> St. Pauli Girl/Ipecac Syrup: You Never Forget Your First Hurl

7> Nike/Depend Undergarments: Just Doo It

6> Wisk/Kay Jewelers: Bling Around the Collar

5> McDonald's/Trojan Condoms: I'm Glovin' It!

4> Virginia Slims/Mapquest: You're Going the Wrong Way, Baby

3> Bounty/Jagermeister: The Quicker Puker-Upper

2> Visa/Victoria's Secret: It's Every Whore You Want to Be

and the Number 1 Worst Hybrid Ad Campaign...

I'm on a roll today.......

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"

The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."

Hi people!

Visit this website and vote on your favorite guitarist :)

http://www.worldsgreatestguitarist.com

Thanks!

Rollin'....Rollin'.....Rollin'......

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Here I go again. This one is serious my friends. I received this email from my mother in law . Interesting.....Consider this:

You might want to make a copy of this and keep it in your car. Looks like we're subsidizing a bunch of murdering misfits by buying Mideast oil/gas.

WHERE TO BUY YOUR GAS:

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW.

READ ON, PLEASE

The Saudis are boycotting American goods. AND, they are training & financing terrorists!

Why not return the favor?

Did you know you can boycott their GAS?

Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just buy from gas companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis.

Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family, and my friends.

I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle Eastern oil :

Shell............................. 205,742,000 barrels Chevron/Texaco......... 144,332,000 barrels Exxon /Mobil............... 130,082,000 barrels Marathon/Speedway... 117,740,000 barrels Amoco............................62,231,000 barrels

If you do the math at $60/barrel, these imports amount to over $36 BILLION!

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:

Citgo........................0 barrels Sunoco....................0 barrels Conoco...................0 barrels Sinclair......................0 barrels BP/Phillips..............0 barrels Hess.........................0 barrels ARC0........................0 barrels (NOTE: I HIGHLIGHTED, PRINTED AND CUT OUT THE ABOVE AND PUT IT ON MY CAR'S SUN VISOR!)

All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and each is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers.

And....it's really a simple thing to do.

Now, don't wimp out at this point... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I'm sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) ... and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers!

If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!

mikesb:Have your CDs bro, i,ll let y know what i think when i,ve time to digest the sounds.Many thanks, its great to hear great sounding music.I,ve sent you a wee pack o stuff also!

On the ol Bush "sure i know jazz peeps/chord, lol.All laughs aside, Its tough to watch for anyone with a heart & love of the music that came from The Big Easy, a dark mood passes the strings when i hear/see/feel about the inhumanity of it all. I also feel, many want to point the finger at Bush but forget he,s the puppet for a much more powerful force.It seems its a time for questions with no real answers. Maybe its better peeps dont know what really goes on in the Secret op world?

Laters bud

Bush is now resorting to FINGER POINTING

bwahahaha

Hello my friends in Satchland.......I hope all's well in the Kingdom Of Joe.

I'm trying to catch up a bit since I'm a week behind. So here we go......

Zinc: I was really sickened by the information re: "Did New Orleans Catastrophe Have To Happen?" Thank you for sharing that with us. I know we are fed up with the Government and this is my case in point. ...Why are we spending/wasting money on the Space Program?! My point being that they spent millions/billions to find out why Columbia blew up & on the tiles that covered the space craft. The Space project is a luxury, NOT a necessity! Making sure New Orleans can withstand hurricanes and to maintain levee's is a NECESSITY that our government should have made a priority. For Christ's sake it's 10 feet BELOW Sea Level! And to have your levee sink by 4 feet?! Hello???!! And they often get hit by hurricanes. A disaster waiting to happen!!........Who the hell is living in space??? NOBODY we know of.......it shouldn't be a priority. This country and it's citizens SHOULD BE the # 1 priority!! I'm blonde and I have more common sence than these "elected officials" that are basically MORONS! Hello?! End of my rant....... I feel much better now, thanks.

Slanshroom: Hey Roy! How yah been?! Glad t hear your at work on the next album.....Steven Wilde got the 2nd CD that Ronnie kindly sent to replace the one that was stolen from his mailbox. I'll be seeing VAi in Glasgow and Newcastle this Oct....is that any where near the area you and Ronnie are from? Is Martin (Bohita) near there also? I'd love to meet him if he's going to see Vai. I took his CD into work and I get compliments from patients on it......I love it! We also have a Buckethead CD but no one has complimented that one......but I love it!! I hope all's well in Barca Are u going to VAI? Don't miss it!!!

Zenfish: Hey there...I saw ZZ Top a few weeks ago. They still got it but didn't blow me away... I saw them long time ago on the "Eliminator tour" Sammy Hagar opened up. Great show! Any chance you could send another CD for Steven? It was stolen along with Roy's and I didn't burn a copy.........bummer! I know he'd love to hear it. He was really upset when I told him what was in the package. I hope all's well with you and the missus.

Estrella: Hi Sweetie!

Clarky: I've got "enough". LOL I'm looking forward to losing weight/inches everywhere..... the twins included. Clothes fit better if the top/ bottom are smaller..."bigger" ain't always "better"! "The Bigger they are, the Quicker they fall." ;)

ATN: Glad all went well.......hope the healing process is going smoothly. Nothing like the "Agony Of De Feet'...lol! I spoke to Steven Tuesday night. He's surviving OK......Rest up!! Stay off the feet..That's an order!! hehe.

Badhuh: I spoke with Steven Tuesday night......He was really happy to know that you and Suzie and all the others are thinking of him. It means a great deal and he misses everyone here! He's doing better but he's not where he should be....."free and clean". One day I hope he'll be back there. For now he's recorded some guitar tracks and that's going in the RIGHT direction. Let's pray he continues on the right path.........He say's I'm his angel, I think he's mine. Angels on earth need help from above............ I wish for a miracle! In fact I pray for one......

Peace on Earth......Good Will To All Mankind.

mari

Hi Suzie2000!

I actually don't follow this forum very much but cuz ALEX TOLD ME u had posted something for me I came to answer.

Thank you for your interest, always glad to get a nice feedback.

If there's more people interested to take a listen to my tunes, go : http://www.mikseri.net/artists/?id=33673

Mikes B - Nice collection of pictures. Brightened my day. As for the Gary Moore guitar, there was one her in town about 6 mos ago...cause I played it. Not sure it's still around but I will try to find out. I like them cause they are not as heavy as the reg LPs.