Funny Stuff:

HOW TO PLAY AND SING THE BLUES

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues unless you stick something nasty in the next line like "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes, sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch. There ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still great places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues anyplace that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go out to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty bed d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom's b. gallery openings c. Ivy League colleges d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if: a. you older than dirt b. you blind c. you shot a man in Memphis d. you can't be satisfied

No, if: a. you have all your teeth b. you were once blind but now can see c. the man in Memphis lived d. you have a 401K or trust fund

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg upon the blues.

14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier b. Chardonnay c. Snapple d. Slim Fast

15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, etc..) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson.

Good Morning Satchland......

Did anybody watch the Airbus emergency landing last night live? Whew ! ! ! ! I was on the edge of my seat. The pilot that landed that plane is a hero along with the crew and passengers. A text book landing......The pilot joked that he was mad at himself for stopping the plane 6 inches from the center line. Man that's a great story with a happy ending.

Framus Camarillo...... Welcome to the site. Check this site http://www.worldsgreatestguitarist.com There you'll find a good start on Satriani techniques. They have a brief study on Pitch Axis Theory( the site will explain this) Also downloadable jam tracks. Plus the most important reason to go.....Vote for Satch as the World's Greatest Guitarist....cause he is. I hope this helps.

mikesb.....If you mean the link.....I fixed it. Sorry

Mari..... This is for you. I thought you might like this. Take care.

Peers Pay Tribute to Peter Jennings Wed Sep 21, 7:00 AM

After a lifetime of reporting the news, Peter Jennings became the story Tuesday, as a who's-who of telejournalists turned out at New York's Carnegie Hall to memorialize the late ABC News anchor.

Jennings, who died of lung cancer on Aug. 7 at the age of 67, had been the last of the big three broadcast network anchors following the recent retirements of rivals Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather.

News: Cancer claims Peter Jennings News: ABC's Jennings has lung cancer E! Online's fact sheet for Peter Jennings E! Online There were also dozens of news vets from rival networks, including Rather, Walter Cronkite, Brian Williams, Katie Couric, Matt Lauer, Mike Wallace, Larry King, Andy Rooney, Bob Schieffer, Christiane Amanpour, Judy Woodruff and even fake newsman Jon Stewart. Also filling the seats: Alan Alda, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, former Mayor Rudi Giuliani, Tom Wolfe, Al Sharpton and Robert Iger, president of the Walt Disney Company, which owns ABC.

Jennings was recalled as not only a tenacious journalist who anchored ABC News for more 20 years, but also as a devoted family man, avid music lover and a loyal citizen to both his native Canada and adopted U.S. (Jennings was said to carry a copy of the U.S. Constitution with him wherever he went).

"An anchor is what keeps a ship from drifting into dangerous waters," ABC News President David Westin told the audience. "It keeps us steady and secure during the night, and that's what Peter was to ABC News."

Nightline anchor Ted Koppel drew laughs throughout his remarks when he recounted how at the beginning of their four-decade friendship, he was known as "the smart one" while Jennings was "the handsome anchor." Within a few years, Koppel said, Jennings "was both the handsome one and the smart one."

"I felt a thrill whenever I saw him," Koppel said. "Not many people had that genuine charisma, that sort of animal magnetism that makes it difficult to focus on anyone else in the room.

"Peter was famously, at times notoriously attractive to women. Even so, he only married four of them," Koppel continued, amid chuckles.

Recalling his friend towards the end, Koppel said: "Even in his last days, he still filled a room."

The service included performances by Wynton Marsalis and Yo Yo Ma. Bagpipers from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police played as pictures of Jennings with friends and family flashed above the ornate stage.

Reflecting how much Jennings will be sorely missed by ABC News staffers, World News Tonight producer Tom Nagorski said that employees now sport plastic blue bracelets asking "What would Peter do?"

Alda, menawhile, praised Jennings' inimitable style as well as his impact on the millions of Americans who watched him every night. "We're left now with just a little bit of snow at the bottom of the screen," said the actor, adding that Jennings was a "truly authentic person."

Mary Brosnahan Sullivan, executive director of the Coalition for the Homeless, spoke of how Jennings often delivering meals to the homeless after getting off work at World News Tonight. "The Peter I knew was somebody of concrete action," she said.

Jennings' two children, Chris and Elizabeth, were the last to speak during the nearly two-hour program.

"There is no way to express how much I miss my father," his son said. "Each day is, above all else, a day without him."

How About some comedy ?

No Spikka English...

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives...... "

"Hey, coola down lady," said one of the men. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Hi Satchland!

I was really alarmed by the news this morning about the hurricane Rita :-( prayers for all in its path.

cheese101, "Sometimes in my work, I see things that are sooo sad, sometimes things that make me really mad or disgusted....and then others where I get to meet people like I described yesterday. Those people, and those that are helpless and alone are the reason I do this job. Some days are crushingly difficult, and others just shine..I'd have to say that a day like yesterday was both"

I don't know exactly what's your job...nurse, teacher? but for your stories and what your posts reflect, you and people like you are like angels who make this world worth living and wonderful :-)

marimariSRV, "I know my life is so much better since JOe and the people here came into my life. I am eternally grateful to JOe"

...and how wonderful it's to have a place like this forum even being virtual, to share all these feelings and emotions, you know frequently in real life, you can't say that...even to your closest friends and people, sometimes when I tried to say something like that to one of my friends...they say something like "What the hell are you talking about??" at least in the social circle I live! Oh well...You must live it to believe it, isn't it Mari? The power of MUSIC, music can save so many lives...I can say I live for my love for music too and I'm not a musician...

Mari, other thing...I've got EVO tickets to see Steve Vai here in Madrid, if I can do something or give him CDs..., let me know, I don't know exactly what CDs he already has of our dear musicians at Talk To Joe...have a nice day :-)

michelle, so sorry about your little Moey, it's so hard when a love one passes on...it happens even when people try really hard to protect their pets. I hope you start to feel better soon. Rest in peace your little cat, now he is in heaven...my most sincere condolences.

squark, welcome to Satchland! that incredible bassist is Stuart Hamm or Stu Hamm. And they are not booing Stu, they are saying "Stuuuuuuu" because they love him. It's a gesture of complicity with the audience. And Stu is such a nice man that even he does like if he is "upset" hehe

DelfinoPie, welcome back! nice to hear a keyboardist wants to make music with you, it's great :-)

bahduh, hi, have a nice day :-)

Keniko, thanks for the joke! LOL

And to everybody: here is something I "stole" ;-) from Vai's message boards:

the cover of the new G3 Live in Tokyo CD and DVD:

http://www.sonymusicstore.com/coverimages/M_97685_200.gif

And an early review at:

http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/09/17/101121.php

thanks to Mr. Canadian

Hi friends!

How are you all doinŽ? I had such a lot of work the last months.... hope that changes now to have more time to visit the site and post something :-)

LucySorets,marimariSRV,estrela - Hi ladies! IŽve sent you a few fotos of the instore appearance with Steve here in Vienna at the Backstage Cafe at Musik Produktiv in Wiener Neustadt (this event was on monday) - that was great :-)
A lot of fans were there - and everyone had a lot of things to sign for Steve

Lucy........and how wonderful it's to have a place like this forum even being virtual, to share all these feelings and emotions, you know frequently in real life, you can't say that...even to your closest friends and people, sometimes when I tried to say something like that to one of my friends...they say something like "What the hell are you talking about??" at least in the social circle I live! Oh well...You must live it to believe it, isn't it Mari? The power of MUSIC, music can save so many lives...I can say I live for my love for music too and I'm not a musician... Well put and so true. Thanks Joe for your beautiful music and for bring us all togather.

squark...... Lucy is right. On the "Live In San Francisco" cd Joe states this by saying "They Stu him because they love him" and we do. Also, There was not a falling out between Joe and Stu as some poeple may think. Stu isn't playng with Joe by choice. Stu was tired of the road and wanted to be with his family which is very understandable. I've never toured but I can imagine the strain it puts on ones family.

Keniko.............. thanks for the joke that you posted......... I needed a good laugh.........

Sugarbaby..... No prob. My son emailed me that today and I thought T2J would get a kick out of it. I'm glad you liked it. One Italian to another.....well one 50% Italian to a 100% Italian...LOL....I'm glad you directed a post to me. I thought I scared you off with the " I'm Melting " comment on your name. I'm really quite harmless..... LOL.....I just think Angelina is a beautiful name. It so.......Italian. Take care. Friends?

Keniko & mikesb

Good ones

Well..its finally happening I am writing to Joe Satriani. Anyways Joe I just wanted to say hello and tell you i'm a big fan of yours. You have influenced me in my music. Like you I play Instrumental Rock Guitar and have been playing for about 10 years I am now 26. Your music gives me inspiration and makes me practice harder..thats a good thing though. Joe your music rocks and you can always count on me to be a true fan. Thank you for your great music.

Light smoking triples risk of heart disease death

LONDON (Reuters) - Smokers who believe a few cigarettes a day don't do any harm will need to think again.

Norwegian scientists who studied the health records of 43,000 men and women have shown that even light smoking -- less than five cigarettes daily -- triples the risk of dying of heart disease or lung cancer.

"In both sexes, smoking 1-4 cigarettes per day was associated with a significantly higher risk of dying from ischaemic heart disease and from all causes, and from lung cancer in women," said Dr Aage Tverdal of the Norwegian Institute of Public Health in Oslo.

The study was published in the journal Tobacco Control.

The researchers tracked the health and death records and smoking habits of the men and women, who had been screened for heart disease at the start of the study, from the 1970s to the 2002.

They found very little difference in the risk of dying from cancer, apart from lung cancer. Men who were light smokers were about three times more likely to die of lung cancer than non-smokers.

In women the risk rose to five times higher.

The dangers of smoking are well documented. Previous research has shown that smokers die on average 10 years earlier than non-smokers but stopping, even in middle age, can halve the risk.

It is also a risk factor for heart disease and stroke and raises the odds of developing age-related macular degeneration which is the leading cause of blindness in the elderly.