How do you stop the spread of AIDS?
Let a major record label distribute it.
On a pitch dark night, a rabbit and a snake accidentally bumped into each other in the woods. Since it was too dark to see, they tried to identify each other by touch. The snake said, "You're warm, fuzzy, and you have big ears . . . you must be a rabbit!" The rabbit said, "You're cold, slimy, and you have no ears . . . you must be a record producer!"
How do you get two guitarists to play in tune?
Shoot one.
Why did the lead singer cross the road?
'Cause the drummer wandered off again.
What does the stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work?
Drops him off at band practice.
Why is a laundromat a bad place for a musician to pick up women?
Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
What separates roadies from the homeless?
The laminates.
Saint Peter was greeting people at the gates to Heaven. "What did you do on Earth" he asked one man. "I was a doctor." Saint Peter says, "Great, go right through the gates and on down the golden streets. Next! What did you do on Earth?" "I was a school teacher" said the next person. "Wonderful", said Saint Peter, "go right on through the Pearly Gates. Next! and what did you do on Earth?" "I was a soundman" Saint Peter said: "Go around the side, up the freight elevator and through the kitchen."
How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb? One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.
What do u call a musician with no girlfriend?
Homeless.
What's the difference between a musician, and a pig?
A pig won't stay up all night trying to sleep with a musician!!!
What do you do when a musician knocks on your door?
Give him the money and take the pizza.
Two drummers walk into a bar... which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it.
What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality!
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug the vacuum in before it sucks.
What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A really dumb gorilla!!!
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me either.
Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
What did the professional guitarist say when he got to his job?
"Would you like fries with that?"
What's the difference between a guitar player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.
What is the difference between a drummer and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
What's the first thing a girl singer does in the morning?
Puts on her clothes and goes home.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
"Mom," said the daughter, "can I get pregnant by anal intercourse?" "Of course you can." her mother replied. "How do you think drummers are made?
A drummer is walking down the street with a pig under his arm. He passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" The pig says, "I won it in a raffle!"
