Jason --

I found this at work today.



NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code -You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. - If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. - If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Pay: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days : Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave : This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks : Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break : Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Jason: My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your Mum. May God give you strength to help you through this difficult time. You have many friends here.

Hello Satchland, good evening friends :-) !!!

POWERSLAVE - Hi friend :-) ! How are you?

MARI - I think that i sent you an answer about the e-mail but i gonna check it out :-)). Hope you are ok and with your heart very well ;-)) !! Kisses for you and say hello to The Aerosmith Tribute Band and Staff ;-). Take care Sea Eyes :-).

OVATION 1 - PAUL GILBERT FOR ASIA G3 :-)) !! Thanks for your post bro :-). You rock Mikeyson :-) !!!

STEEVE T - Thanks for the ONE ROBOTS`DREAM LINK CONTEST but no contest to Europe. I can understand why :-).Who do you would like to see in a G3?

BAHDUH - You are right, friends are friends with no conditions, always we are here to support each other :-). God bless you :-) !!!!

ZENFISH - yeah, i`ve been playing live but i`m a little shy and that`s difficult to me. But since very young i had that dream, play live my songs for an audience, and i did that, how cool is that. And top of the tops, i was invited to play on the National Meeting of Guitar Players with amazing Guitar players and with one of my favorite guitar players ever: Gonçalo Pereira. Check out this Video if you don`t mind and let me know what do you think about it ;-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7liqH5s17Q&mode=related&search= . My friend keep the faith, i know what you are talking about. Thank you or better Merci :-)) !!! Good luck for your project and never give up.

JOE SATRIANI - I thought that you had a JS 1200 CA, but a JS 1000BP is very cool as well :-)) !!! Amazing Guitars :-) !!!

JASON - Sending good vibes and my sincere condolences my friend on this difficult moment. If you need us, we are here to support you. Hugs and be strong!!!

MOWLIE2000 - Nice to see you around :-) !!!

DCK - GG is amazing, good choice :-) !!

JOE - Hello :-). Good luck for the Video contest :-)) I gonna vote :-)) !!!

GOOD WEEK FRIENDS, TAKE CARE

REGARDS

Suzo --

Coelho's books have that little something.... ;)

Thanks! No MySpace yet. I can't think of everything right? ...lol... ;)
Thanks for the reminder. That goes on my to-do list!

Ken --

aussieRGman - really sorry to hear your news. My thoughts & prayers to you and your family

Stevee T - allegedly, there is a clue to new 2007 models on Disc 2 of the latest DVD!? Mine arrived today and I haven't got near it yet... but that's got me intrigued

Cube - I like products that will relate to guitar : ) it does sound cool ya know. I'm up for a job swap, you can come over here and shout "BRAKE" louder than I do.... given a different accent people might pay more attention

Cheese - thanks for the update. I reckon that amount in chat would be fun any time. Is that some kind of record (every time I peek, it's empty)? Joe can talk for America hey, that's funny.

alexandrecaetano - no, just hoping to add a 1000 soon. They are awesome guitars aren't they. You have a 1200CA?

Joe - Paul Gilbert for G3 : )

Guthrie fans - I've listened to bits & bobs from Guthrie, & am very familiar with his playing from the (Future Publishing) guitar mags... and he sounds like Jennifer Batten to me.... do I run and hide now?

Satriella - you ok dear, not drowning under emails at all?

Keniko: No I don't, but I wouldn't mind having one. I'd love to actually try one out before I sunk that much money into it, though. All I have are an Ibanez SA160, an old Kramer Pacer that I got from a pawn shop for $70 that an old girlfriend has on permanent loan (I'll probably never get it back), and an old Cort copy of a Gibson Explorer that my grandfather got me that I keep for sentimental value.

Cap'n Steve: The new job's going good, thanks:) Lots of new experiences and never a dull moment... How's things with you and the family?

alexandrecaetano.....must be some legal eagle, gooey gumbo..stopping the contest world wide....I have a special place in my heart for

Greg Howe, as I've taken lessons from him prior to his move to the left coast....California, but I fear he's not in Joe's radar based on his most recent statement regarding G3 criteria...he is known world wide in certain circles & certainly capable.....who knows....?...gotta believe....

Cube - nat' you get some training b4 u start. Right, so you don't work for Boss then LOL.... only 174 other manufacturers to eliminate

SteveeT - it's now 2am and I've covered all the extras on disc one and am part way through the concert. So, I ought to make it to Disc 2 sometime late morning : ) LOL

Joe - the DVD rocks!... and I thought LISF was so cool, but this... it's like being at the gig again. I can't turn it off, so it's going to be 4am ish before I get some sleep... just in time to catch you in chat ha ha