webmaster - ok, thanks for clearing that up (I misunderstood that you misunderstood...). BTW, I ended up not needing a lot of the Super Colossal and Is There Love In Space? podcasts, but I can email you the full transcriptions if you want to use them for anything. I've also got a normalized database of all of Joe's songs cross-referenced with albums in MySQL and MSSQL formats if you would want to use either of those for anything.

slanshroom - congrats!!

daimer - I assume you can read this? http://www.guitars.ru/05/info.php?z787 If so, I'll send you a few bucks if you want to transcribe it for me.

What is Butt Dust?

What is Butt Dust? What, you ask, is "Butt Dust"? Read on and you'll discover the joy in a child's sincere originality. No adults in this!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. after a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN(age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES(age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

slansh....oooooo archaeology!!!! That's one of the things I always wanted to do when I was growing up....still want to, LOL!! Congratulations dude, don't get too hot, too dusty...and go find a gad damn treasure!!! :)

Gee axeshredder, my comment wasn't meant to be rude, just asking an honest question....but your private message to me was full of name-calling, viciousness and nastiness. Too bad you felt the need to act like that...winning passes to this show is such a priviledge and should be treated with more respect.

Toilet Cleaning Instructions:

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sunday Morning Relations

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling..

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

Definitions Not in Dictionary

ADULT:

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:

A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:

Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:

The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:

Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:

Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:

Cold Storage.

INFLATION:

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:

An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:

Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:

Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:

A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:

The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:

One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:

An honest opinion openly expressed.

and MY Personal Favorite!!

WRINKLES:

The Horse and The Chicken

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike , rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking ! underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)

T-Bone, I'm in the mood now!

FTFF!!!

Heeeeellllllllllllllllll yeah chelle!!!!!

U know how much I luv me that song, LOL.....got it blastin right now!!!!

well ya know T, people don't like to get busted in their own ignorance. I like the part where axeshredder said to you -

"you rude ass comment shows your complete jealousy...i cant afford to fly to california?....screw you bitch...you coulnt afford tomake me an offer i would except..you should really get a life intead of spending it on the satriani board...i did this to not only offer it to a fan you loves joes music like i do and make the whole trip free because it will cost 1000...i prefer to spend my money on other things that i dont need to explain to some wannabe....for your information im bringing a friend of the internet i never even met that lives in california...your lucky i dont enbarass your ass on that board but in repect to Joe, i wont...HA I will be at Joes greatest performance ever "

That's my favorite part :)

edit:

lemme just add that he could have just said you had it all wrong and misunderstood his post - but he went there....so I went there.

I got no beef with anybody and i could care less who does what, but some things just don't roll off as easily as others.

Cube:Y have mail bro

Gruskada:Thx Dave

Captain Steve:thx bro it is harder work, which i happen t love cuz y get all muscled up in 2 weeks flat BUT MORE IMPORTANT there is respect for the workers in Archaeology!!!!!!!!!

T be honest the only thing i hate about the job in construction is the lack of that respect.Every day your life is on the line, not enough safety measures taken, it takes balls t do that work here for dark companys that keep the laundry basket clean if y understand? Yup 2 for 1 n look out swiss bank, nuff said. Bro i respect the team, because some paid in full recently with life 5 people not so long ago t be straight, for some punk boss that loved t sniff snow, look out immigrants!!!

Work doesnt scare me cappy, its who i work for that does.I can only say i,m happy t be out that pic for a while n please god keep the sun on the back cause sure as shit this man is RED in a day lol

101 Reasons Women Prefer Cucumbers To Men

Part 1 of 2

1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.

2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.

3. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.

4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.

5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.

6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.

7. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket.... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.

8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.

9. With a cucumber you can get a single room.... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.

10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.

11. You can go to a movie with a cucumber.... and see the movie.

12. You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber.... and you can stay in the front seat.

13. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.

14. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.... or send you out for Milk Duds.

15. A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival.

16. A cucumber won't ask: "Am I the first?".

17. A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin.

18. Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.

19. Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin anymore.

20. With a cucumber you don't have to be a virgin more than once.

21. Cucumbers can handle rejection.

22. Cucumbers won't pout if you have a headache.

23. Cucumbers won't care what time of the month it is.

24. Cucumbers never want to get it on when your nails are wet.

25. Cucumbers won't give it up for Lent.

26. With a cucumber you never have to say you're sorry.

27. Afterwards, a cucumber won't: ...want to shake hands and be friends.

28. ...say, "I'll call you a cab".

29. ...tell you he's not the marrying kind.

30. ...tell you he is the marrying kind.

31. ...call his ex-wife or therapist.

32. ...take you to confession.

33. Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.

34. Cucumbers won't make you go to the drugstore.

35. Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.

36. A cucumber a day keeps the OB-GYN away.

37. A cucumber won't work your crossword with ink.

38. A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.

39. With a cucumber you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the Flu season.

40. Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.

41. A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.

42. A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.

43. A cucumber won't go through your medicine chest.

44. A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray.

45. Cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub.

46. Cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall.

47. Cucumbers don't have sex hangups.

48. Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on.

49. Cucumbers aren't into rope & leather, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits & nuts.

50. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.

101 Reasons Women Prefer Cucumbers To Men

Part 2

52. Cucumbers never need a round of applause.

53. Cucumbers won't ask: "Am I the best? How was it? Did you come? How many times?"

54. Cucumbers aren't jealous of your Gynecologist, Ski Instructor, or Hair Dresser.

55. A cucumber won't want to join your sports group.

56. A cucumber never wants to improve your mind.

57. Cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations.

58. Cucumbers won't ask about your Last Lover.... or speculate about your next one.

59. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.

60. A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother is over.

61. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.

62. Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow.

63. A cucumber won't give you a hickey.

64. Cucumbers can stay up ALL night.... and you won't have to sleep on the wet spot.

65. Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.

66. A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.

67. A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower.

68. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.

69. Cucumbers don't compare you to a center fold.

70. Cucumbers don't count to 10.

71. Cucumbers don't tell you they liked you better with long hair.

72. A cucumber will never leave you ... ...for another woman.

73. ...for another man.

74. ...for another cucumber.

75. A cucumber will never call and say "I have to work late, Honey", and then come home smelling like another woman.

76. A cucumber never snaps your bra, pinches your butt, or gives you a snuggy.

77. You always know where a cucumber has been.

78. A cucumber never has to call "the wife".

79. Cucumbers never have mid-life crises.

80. A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.

81. Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.

82. You won't find out later that your cucumber ... ...is married.

83. ...is on penicillin.

84. ...likes you - but loves your brother.

85. A cucumber doesn't have softball practice on the day you move.

86. Cucumbers never tell you what they did on R&R.

87. A cucumber won't ask for a promotion just when you're up for a promotion.

88. Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.

89. Cucumbers won't wear a leisure suit to your office Christmas party.

90. A cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve.

91. A cucumber won't take you to disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.

92. Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.

93. A cucumber doesn't care if you always spent the holidays with your family.

94. A cucumber won't ask to be put through Med School.

95. A cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.

96. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.

97. Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy".

98. A cucumber won't insist the little cukes be raised Catholic, Jewish, or Orthodox Vegetarian.

99. It's easy to drop a cucumber.

100. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything.

101. No matter how you slice it, you can have your cuke and eat it too.

Zinc- lol at the horse joke:)

Suzie 2000:Post me her CV hon, i can pass it on, y never know & hey have a great time in France with ol Zen n J!

Good Morning Satchland.......How Are We Today????

It's HOT ! ! ! HOT ! ! ! HOT ! ! ! in Chi-Town.....95 yesterday....WHEW ! ! ! ! I hate AC (perfer open widows) but its a neccessary evil.

on non..... Hey.....I'm doing great. Our band is giging three weekends in a row starting tommorow. I can't wait to hit the stage. How are you? Everything Kuul?

Webmaster Jon......Thanks for the info. Like always you're on top of your sh.. ! ! ! ! Take Care......

Cheese......I see you saw. I see you saw???? Sing that a couple of times in a row ....sounds like a fecking nursery rhyme....lol.....How do you miss Joe's expression. Awesome vid. Hugs....

Have A GReat Day Everyone ! ! ! ! !

Now,onna count of three.....One,Two, Three.....I see you saw , I see you saw......

Edit....zinc...... Nice cucumber joke. I must be a cucumber cuz there's some peculiar simularities...lol.....Kids Jokes...Brittney....my fav....How does it know it's me? Priceless

Slans....I must have a some Black in me ? This is great. What I've realized today is .....I'm a Black cucumber???? I thought you guys were my friends....lol.....

GOD Help Me ........

jblaze1:Cool but cooler is the fact the chinese work with a system without plural, its a system they use in martial art t this day with great affect