Hey Joe,

Just wanted to tell you that your music has inspired me to pick the guitar back up after 20 yrs. ,and I almost got " Satch Boogie" down. It wasn't until my wife introduced me to the "Crystal Planet" CD That I was forever a changed man (Musically speaking of course). "Mind Storm" in particular is and was an anti-depressant being that she suffers from depression. Your music has lifted our spirits and for that we humbly thank you and your crew and of course Jeff's chicken. Keep Rockin Mr. Satriani

It's not difficult. To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

53. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT to never forget:

* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

========================================= HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Feed Him.
2. F*ck Him.
3. Be quiet.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have recently raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved'. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross'. Londoners have not been 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to a 'Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire, which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides'.

The Germans also increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs'. They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbor' and 'Lose.'

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

HER DIARY

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too."

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried.

I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

mikesb:Its the sound you chase thats in your head, few get it, so few, i did have a stroke o luck last night though n pinned me down that solo sound, thats been bothering me for the last um well forever, i,m on msn for 30 if y want t spark the barby lol

GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Legacy Edition!

WWWOOOOO HHHHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no signature :(

gotta go back to feckin' work!

Zen:I sometimes wonder if that influenced Joe in a Major kind of way, that tone is plain wicked/perfect for what is needed for the track amen bro, its been so long since i listened t ZZ Top thx

y got me listening t more now y wee french bollox, i,m supposed t be recording lol

tasty tasty laid back toast

legs

anyone remember when that was first was released? yeah when TV was worth watchin

mikesb: yup sharp dressed man its cooler than cool

Awww, I'm missing EVERYTHING being stuck in this hospital...NUTZ to THAT I say!!!

Love ya Joe, woulda loved to talk to ya either on Rockline or in the chat, but ah well...I was passed out on very good drugs :)

Glad peeps had such a great time Wednesday night, and thanks for all the good thoughts....I hurt right now, but am up moving around so it's all good.

Thanks to Michelle, cube and wifey and mcfee for the lovely cards, such a cool idea! I love you all back!

I ahven't been on here for awhile but I'm kind of psyched. I just scored myself a tic to the Chicago Surfin show!!!!!