A fairly young, fairly attractive couple go to see a doctor and say they're having trouble making love. 'Could you watch us and correct any mistakes we might be making?' asks the guy.

The doc thinks it a bit unusual but says 'OK'

He watches for a while, offers a couple of suggestions and when they finish says 'well things look pretty good to me, you don't seem to have any problems'. To which the couple respond with 'things don't feel exactly right, do you mind if we come back next week for a little more guidance'. The doctor agrees and the couple return the following week. Once again they repeat the performance, get a tiny bit of help and leave quite satisfied. On the third visit the following week the doctor says 'look I really don't see any problem here, in fact I wish my love making was as good, why do you keep coming back?'

The young man says 'well to tell you the truth, I'm a guitarist in a rock band, live in a smelly old squat and don't make much money. she's married to this other guy who works from home so we can't go there. I can't afford to take her to a motel. this place is warm and friendly, we get free coffee and magazines while we wait and I get all the costs back from Medicare. ______________

Guitarist finishes gig and is the last one in the place with the barman, who asks if he'd like a scotch before he goes home. The player says 'sure' and the barman plonks down a big glass of the juice and a little bowl of peanuts to go with it, then wanders off to wipe down the counter. This leaves the gun guitarist all by himself for a minute. From nowhere a little voice says 'great gig man, you're one hot picker'.

The player looks at the barman and says 'thanks' and the barman says 'what for' and the player says 'for sayin' nice things about my work'. the barman says ' I didn't say nothing'.

The guitarist thinks it's late and he's a bit spaced so he'd better head off when another little voice says 'yeah great licks man and nice moves too, you sure cut it up there'. The guitar player turns around and says 'thanks' but there's nobody there. The feller at the bar says 'are you ok?' cause the picker looks a bit pale and the guitarist says 'yeah, I think so'.

Then, as he empties his glass another voice says 'hot licks, great look, wonderful style man, the chicks sure got off on you' and the bloke says 'OK! THAT'S IT! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?'

The barman runs down and says 'what's your problem dude?' to which the guitarist says 'WHERE ARE THOSE VOICES COMING FROM? IS THIS CANDID CAMERA?'

'What voices? What are they saying?' when the guitarist tells the barman what was going on and what was said, the barman says 'oh that'll be the peanuts man, they're complementary!' ___________________

A guitarist dies and is quite please to find that he ends up standing before the pearly gates of Guitar Heaven. St. Peter shows him in, and gives him a guided tour.

"This is Stevie Ray's room here..." says Peter, and the guitarist is saying "Wow! Stevie Ray!" "And this is Jimi's room..." and the guitarist is totally over the moon.

Finally Peter shows the guitarist to his own room. Before Peter leaves, he says to him, "I have to ask. Is Yngwie here?" Peter shakes his head sadly and says "I'm afraid he went... the "other" way..."

The guitarist is disappointed but goes to his room and tries to get some sleep. He is woken up in the middle of the night by someone playing a really fast harmonic minor lick - and it sounds just like Yngwie. He presses his ear to the wall, and listens more closely. Someone in the next room is playing really fast neo-classical shreds through what sounds very much like a vintage Strat. The guitarist is confused as it sounds so much like Yngwie. The next day he tells Peter that he is almost certain that Yngwie's in the next room.

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ? Who cares - neither one's a guitar

Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners ? So the rest of the band can understand them

How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ? Pay for the pizza.

"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?" "Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."

In the 22nd century..how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source ?? Five..one to actually do it ... and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.

Why bury guitar players 6 feet under? Because deep down they're all very nice people..

Whats the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?? You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish ..

How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb? "One, two, three; one, two, three."

A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?" "Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"

A tour manager comes across the guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of the stage and pulls them apart asking what the problem was. "That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass", says the bass player, "And we're on stage in five minutes." "So what's the problem?", asks the tour manager. "He won't tell me which string it was he detuned", said the Bassist.

Why Guitars are better than Men:

Why guitars are better than women:

Guitars don't get pregnant.
You can play your Guitar any time of the month.
Guitars don't have parents.
Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.
You can share your Guitar with your friends.
Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played
Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.
Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.
Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.
You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.
Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.
Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.
If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.
You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.
Guitars don't get headaches.
Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.
Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.
Guitars don't care if you're late.
You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.
If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.
You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.
When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.

IS IT A WISE DECISION ON BUYING marshall mg15cdr with only reverb because in DFX with digital effects there is less to do than the analogs (can take the delay) and with cd there is no reverbe so do u think i made a wise decision and off course i'm planning the analogs for those extra features. AND finally 1st i don't want the reverbe to be analog

wolf2...you aint right...

michelle...i didn't play football in highschool ;x or even go to that same school. i ended up going to the newer school in brick, but yah that coach is like state reknowned.

Hey Joe!

Hope things are good and you are well!

Hugs!

For my Metallica friends - Not wolf2.

Cube, the root canal didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would, but my jaw is still stiff and if i bite down on anything on that tooth, omg. lol! I still have the temp. filling in it. I'm really hoping when it's completely fixed I won't even feel it.

I start day shift on Sunday. Good Lord gimme strenff! I've been working evenings for 12 years. Same company, but different job. Wish me luck peoples!

Al, you and me both doing office hours. There's a reason for hell to freeze over if ever there was one. lol!

T-bones, 25 or 6 to 4 - I still prefare 9. lol! Early mornings are against my religion. lol!

Joe McL, Joe always plays in Philly, either at the Tower or the Keswick. He's played at the Electric Factory, and the Vally Forge Music Fair (which no longer exists). Every once in a while he skips Philly and plays in Jersey or NY. Sign up for Joe's newsletter so you get word of his tours in yer email. They're not to be missed!