guitar quotes...

Besides being a guitar player, I'm a big fan of the guitar. I love that damn instrument. Steve Vai

I just go where the guitar takes me. Angus Young

Sometimes you want to give up the guitar, you'll hate the guitar. But if you stick with it, you're gonna be rewarded. Jimi Hendrix

jokes

What do a cup of coffee and Eric Clapton have in common? They both suck without Cream

How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Give him some sheet music.

Why are a guitarist's fingers like lighting? They rarely strike the same spot twice.

What did the guitarist do when he was told to turn on his amp? He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

How do you make a guitarist's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in his ear.

How does a guitar player show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison? Shoot One.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just steal somebody else's light.

Drummer Jokes

A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there."

After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."

The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"

The store owner says, "That 'big red accordion' is the radiator."

How do you know when a drummer is at your door? The knocking speeds up.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool.

Humor: Drummer Jokes

THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER FROM THE PERCUSSIONIST'S PERSPECTIVE

Oh, say can you BOOM, CRASH By the dawn's early BOOM, CRASH What so proudly we BOOM, CRASH At the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright BOOM,CRASH Through the perilous BOOM, CRASH O'er the ramparts we BOOM, CRASH Were so gallantly streaming? 3 & 1...2...3... 2...2...3... 3...2...3... 4...2...3... 5...2...3... 6...2...3... 7...2...3... 8...2...Oh, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

A scientific expedition disembarks from its plane at the final outpost of civilization in the deepest Amazon rain forest. They immediately notice the ceaseless thrumming of native drums. As they venture further into the bush, the drums never stop, day or night, for weeks. The lead scientist asks one of the natives about this, and the native's only reply is "Drums good. Drums never stop. Very bad if drums stop."

The drumming continues, night and day, until one night, six weeks into the trip, when the jungle is suddenly silent. Immediately the natives run screaming from their huts, covering their ears. The scientists grab one boy and demand "What is it? The drums have stopped!"

The terror-stricken youth replies "Yes! Drums stop! Very bad!"

The scientists ask "Why? Why? What will happen?"

Wide-eyed, the boy responds, " . . . BASS SOLO!!!"

haha enjoy Satriella xx

Hi all,

Long time, no posting!

Hope everything is fine with you all.

Great jokes, Satriella!

Slan the man - Tried your linky but when it got near the 'interesting' bit, the video stopped playing and 'censored' came up. The audio continued but sounded somewhat gross. Yeeurrrggh!

Wooleyman:lol yup amoungst other things no doubt

A fairly young, fairly attractive couple go to see a doctor and say they're having trouble making love. 'Could you watch us and correct any mistakes we might be making?' asks the guy.

The doc thinks it a bit unusual but says 'OK'

He watches for a while, offers a couple of suggestions and when they finish says 'well things look pretty good to me, you don't seem to have any problems'. To which the couple respond with 'things don't feel exactly right, do you mind if we come back next week for a little more guidance'. The doctor agrees and the couple return the following week. Once again they repeat the performance, get a tiny bit of help and leave quite satisfied. On the third visit the following week the doctor says 'look I really don't see any problem here, in fact I wish my love making was as good, why do you keep coming back?'

The young man says 'well to tell you the truth, I'm a guitarist in a rock band, live in a smelly old squat and don't make much money. she's married to this other guy who works from home so we can't go there. I can't afford to take her to a motel. this place is warm and friendly, we get free coffee and magazines while we wait and I get all the costs back from Medicare. ______________

Guitarist finishes gig and is the last one in the place with the barman, who asks if he'd like a scotch before he goes home. The player says 'sure' and the barman plonks down a big glass of the juice and a little bowl of peanuts to go with it, then wanders off to wipe down the counter. This leaves the gun guitarist all by himself for a minute. From nowhere a little voice says 'great gig man, you're one hot picker'.

The player looks at the barman and says 'thanks' and the barman says 'what for' and the player says 'for sayin' nice things about my work'. the barman says ' I didn't say nothing'.

The guitarist thinks it's late and he's a bit spaced so he'd better head off when another little voice says 'yeah great licks man and nice moves too, you sure cut it up there'. The guitar player turns around and says 'thanks' but there's nobody there. The feller at the bar says 'are you ok?' cause the picker looks a bit pale and the guitarist says 'yeah, I think so'.

Then, as he empties his glass another voice says 'hot licks, great look, wonderful style man, the chicks sure got off on you' and the bloke says 'OK! THAT'S IT! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?'

The barman runs down and says 'what's your problem dude?' to which the guitarist says 'WHERE ARE THOSE VOICES COMING FROM? IS THIS CANDID CAMERA?'

'What voices? What are they saying?' when the guitarist tells the barman what was going on and what was said, the barman says 'oh that'll be the peanuts man, they're complementary!' ___________________

A guitarist dies and is quite please to find that he ends up standing before the pearly gates of Guitar Heaven. St. Peter shows him in, and gives him a guided tour.

"This is Stevie Ray's room here..." says Peter, and the guitarist is saying "Wow! Stevie Ray!" "And this is Jimi's room..." and the guitarist is totally over the moon.

Finally Peter shows the guitarist to his own room. Before Peter leaves, he says to him, "I have to ask. Is Yngwie here?" Peter shakes his head sadly and says "I'm afraid he went... the "other" way..."

The guitarist is disappointed but goes to his room and tries to get some sleep. He is woken up in the middle of the night by someone playing a really fast harmonic minor lick - and it sounds just like Yngwie. He presses his ear to the wall, and listens more closely. Someone in the next room is playing really fast neo-classical shreds through what sounds very much like a vintage Strat. The guitarist is confused as it sounds so much like Yngwie. The next day he tells Peter that he is almost certain that Yngwie's in the next room.