SuperDave - did you see the gold JS guitar? I have no idea if it was a good guitar or not but wow it looked sensational.

Hope the work situation improves soon, surely carpentry and guitar skills are needed in the world somewhere.

Blue_Moon - Aaand you've won aftershow passes for San Francisco. Congrats! :-)

NO WAY!! Looks like me peeps are gonna have a great time on this tour! YAY!!!!

Hopefully he'll get the message that he won.

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left hand side there is a valley and on your right hand side there is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you there is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you there is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Cappy Steve - I c! Cant say that I had noticed you change anyone elses.....Thatchiella....hahahahahaha LOL....LMHO!

Hey...never bow...be yourself not what others want you to be....Although there is room for a little compromise...most people I know want me to keep my name....But I love Paul & Joe so Satriella Gilbert it is!

zinc - hahaha very true....we always know...although I think you could change mother to women! It just baffles me that men think you dont know when they are lying through their teeth....having a problem with that myself at the moment...

Hey SkippyGirl,

I'll give ya one bloody guess where Roo is from! ya beaut bloody sheila! Love the twang ay!

Owthebloodyellarya?

Cappy... i could always have called y Fish Fingers

Slanshroom - What do you mean you are working on me?

I can't feel anything?

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A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl named Mary stopped beside him on her new shiny bike.

"Nice bike" the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk

Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.

Nope, no more booze for me.

Sorry, but you're not really my type.

No kebab for me, thank you.

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

I'm not interested in fighting you.

Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.

No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination.

Shroomboy - I wish I had a pint for every time some witty person has called me Captain Bird's Eye or Captain Pugwash. I'd be pissed as a fart for the rest of my natural!

Satchiella,

Some of my changes to peeps nicks.......

Cappy:lol which makes ya a prime pub target after a few

Satriella:Y cant feel anything?? surely yer box aint that big.Hope yer 2nd name isnt Burke Sandy! Blue Moon oooh Baz i,m drippin i,m drippin me love buckets on fire bwahaha

Captain Stevicus - Oh right on.....good changes....Satchiella it is then!

Slanshroom - ??????? you lost me....what are you working on again....obviously an on-going thing?

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The updated birds and bees story for all those new parents out there.....

Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male.

Definitions not in the dictionary

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. I have character lines

im jeleous that everyone gets to see Joe....

I wanna see Joe but he isnt playing ANYWHERE near me. :(