Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'How do I know. Its your f***ing plane!!'
--------------------
Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy
'I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!'
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB!
I'M A LIGHTBULB!'
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home'
So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
'Where the feck are you going?' asks the Foreman.
'I can't work in the friggin dark!' says Murphy.
--------------------
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3
hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
----------------------------------
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She
undresses & lies on the bed spread-eagled & says 'You know what I want don't you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'
--------------------------
Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!
-----------------------
A Muslim man was sitting next to Paddy on a plane when Paddy ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than
let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back to the stewardess & said
'Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!'
--------------------------------------------
Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?
A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you
get a dodgy one!
---------------------
Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U. S. prison service for
not servicing the electric chair.
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
--------------------------
Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on
Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head. Paddy says 'I dont think thats her, she wasnt that tall!'
----------------------------
Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking
like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies 'I've put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'
-------------------------------------
Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have
Bluetongue. 'Be Jaysus!' he said, 'I didn't even know they had mobile phones!'
----------------------------
Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick says Be Jaysus Paddy, there's a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'What's was his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles from London!'
-----------------------------
An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay.
Paddy drives past & stops.
He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts
'It's thick Irish like you that give us all a bad name!
If I could only swim 'I'd come over there & kick the feck out of you !
