Skippygirl - LOL they made me laugh...I love the rain one...we sit around watching them die...haha

goldengirl - glad you laffin!

A happy, little fly was buzzing around a barn one day, when she happened upon a large pile of fresh horse manure. Since it had been hours since her last meal and she was feeling hunger pains, she flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to munch out. She ate. And ate... and then... she ate some more!!!

Finally, she decided she'd had plenty. She washed her face with her tiny front legs, belched a few times, then attempted to fly away. But alas...she had pigged out far too much and could not get off the ground.

She looked around wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation when she spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall.

She'd found a solution. She thought if she could just become airborne she'd be able to fly again. So, she painstakingly, climbed to the top of the handle. Once there, she took a deep breath, spread her tiny fly wings, and leaped confidently into the air.

She dropped like a rock and splattered all over the floor! Dead Fly.

The moral of this sad story?

Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shit.

---------------------------------

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls."

I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all.

Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh sh!t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

-----------------------------

There are some weird place names around the world..check these out!

1. Shafter (California, USA)

2. Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)

3. Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)

4. Bastard (Norway)

5. Twatt (Orkney, UK)

6. Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)

7. Muff (Northern Ireland)

8. Wankie (Zimbabwe)

9. Climax (Colorado, USA)

10. Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)

11. Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)

12. Fukum (Yemen)

13. Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)

14. Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)

15. Turdo (Romania)

16. Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic)

17. Seymen (Turkey)

18. Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)

19. Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)

20. Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)

21. Wanks River (Nicaragua)

22. Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)

23. Fuku (Shensi, China)

24. Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)

25. Fukui (Honshu, Japan)

26. Shag Island (Indian Ocean)

27. Fukue (Honshu, Japan)

28. Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)

29. Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)

30. Chinaman's Knob (Australia)

31. Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)

32. Tittybong (Australia)

33. Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)

34. Dikshit (India)

35. Dog Dyke (Midlands,UK)

36. Wankener (India)

37. Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)

38. Upper Penguin (Australia)

39. Pratt's Bottom (Kent, UK)

40. Jacks Bush (Salisbury, UK)

41. Black Charlies Opening (Tasmania, Australia)

Know any more?

You know, if you want to find all performances of a song, what concerts, which bootlegs, etc, you find the song in the index, or on the album and click on the song information link.

For example: Midnight

That tells you a bit about the song, and all performances and cds.

:) I just had a thought. I'll add the coldplay album and make the viva la vida track a performance of If I could fly!

slanshroom....a very happy birthday to your little one.

ZOLVAISAT:Its about protecting what is your own or in this case what Joe believes to be his, imo someone in Coldplay has heard the melody & subconsciously thought it a great vocal line t use "at least thats what i,d like t believe"

I,ve always believed being rid of an enemy is to live with it, going through the nasty options is not in the best interest i feel for Joe

On the one hand i,d like to think Coldplay would invite Joe up on stage t play the melody with his vocals for a gig, that way it kills the situation stone dead...call me a dreamer...

On the other it may be like leading the lamb t the slaughter, but i think even Coldplay fans would agree a live version of Joe & Coldplay playing the track would be twice as potent plus make TWICE as much bucks!!! slan nudges sony n emi

fuck the court lawyers etc, if Coldplay have enough about them as human beings/musicians its the LEAST they could offer Joe

If they dont....well....Satans scaley pecker is always in need of a good suck

Cube:I,d rather it that way t be honest its making a humble beautiful soul of a man look bad t many not familiar with Joe or his music & that bro really blows

for any Coldplay fans that could be stopping by to check out who that guitarist is?? O_o get yourselve's 'Surfing with the Alien', 'Crystal Planet' & 'Is There Love In Space?'

hey joe, my name is paul and i am a professional stand up comic. I would love to give you a free cd of my comedy cd "blurred reality" as a thank you for all the great music you have provided us fans over the years. (and no this is not me trying to get a record deal, i am signed with a record company already. just truely a gift.) i can tell that your a funny guy and like to joke around so i figured you would enjoy it. is there a way I can send ya a free copy?

Cube, the lawyers win. other than that, you know, the old adage, anything to get/keep your name in the news is good publicity. Not saying pub is what Joe is after here, but I am betting there have been a few more sales of ITLIS and the tune. Anyone who as ever sat down and chatted to Joe (as I was fortunate enough to do) knows he is a man of class and integrity even if he drops an occasional F-Bomb!!!!

Jaysus maritime its gonna be -20 something celsius in Calgary later today and colder tomorrow!!!! Shoulda brought my blades!!!! (sorry, mine are hockey blades)...

My Steve is going through hell with these stupid seizures! He insisted on going to work this morning. He may have to come home at any moment.

Get back to ya'll later.

Joe, regarding the legal suit with Coldplay, time to make some lemonade. You undoubtedly have heard Martin's voice dubbed over your song. WOW! Like my two sons, I know you are true to your artistic ethics but this kind of thing could put the paddles to the music industry.

Hey Peeps.....

Coldplay are playing at the Manchester M.E.N tonight...... Anybody want to go down there with Big, Giant, JOE SATRIANI RULES AND COLDPLAY SUCK Posters.........???????

Good Afternoon Satchland....So What Up? Bears Win !!!! Bears Win !!!!

Glitz Man.....How are you? I'm doing great and thanks for asking. So you maybe running a 5k. God Bless you,I couldn't a 500' race....lol.... Good Luck to you if decided to run. Take Care....

Band update. Pics are up on the Blues Mavericks site from the Max Cady Christmas party. Click the pic button on the left to see them.

Also, all the songs from our demo cd are up on the music page from the Max Cady Band site. The link will take you the home page and start a different player. Click the stop button to silence this player. Than Click on Our Music for the demo songs. Sorry.....The site is horrible and Sean will start a new site soon. I hope you enjoy the pics and the covers. Thanks to all. You peeps are the best.

maritime...... I like your style..... We should get all the Satch Fans together and show up at one of there gigs with Satch T-shirts, Hat's, Banners anything we can....... lol.... That would be so funny....

BRING EM DOWN JOE......

More odd named places to go along with Intercourse, PA:

Bird-In-Hand, PA

Virginville. PA,

Mount Joy, PA

Dear Satch,

Did you know, in French, if i translate in an exact way the title of your song "If i could fly" its give "si je pouvais voler". But in French the verb "voler" has two senses: 1- voler = fly (like a bird) but also 2- voler = stole (like a thief) !!!

Imagine, now , a musician, listen to your gorgeous song "IF I could fly" and finally in his mind it turns to "If i could stole"!

they did it. :-0

You say, they plagiated my song. sure. I've heard them song, but they shouldn't do it; what they have done with your fantastic riff. they waste it . ho damn Joe , they waste it.

You know , till i know your music (1985) , i 'm very fond of your music , your spirit, and the things that happen into my body when i listen to your strange beautiful music. My children (a girl 8 & a boy 5) also listen to your music (it's a beautiful music for child too) . They both love the famous "Crowd chant " and my son favorite Satch's song is " if i coulfd fly" (i take my son in my arms, and we turn and spin, up & down , on and on during the song). At each time we dance together, it's a good moment in time for us; i sure he will never forget it.

You must know, all across the world , lot of fans loves u, and specially a French couple with two kids. We've see you in Besançon (concert first scheduled in Dijon but finally you play in Besançon in 1996 ) and recently the 28th May in Royal Circus in Belgium. My Wife has also offert me The JS100 Red guitar. and you know what Joe? I'm a broken guitar player but better than someone else ...

Long life, take care. Warm regards

Lecokase.

Also

UGLEY : in Essex, UK --------------------

anyone been back on the JS vs CP you tube video site?

IT's GONE !!!

some smarmy tw%t has posted a video message saying Joe has had any videos containing the music removed.

You tube says that EMI records have had it removed.

what happens now?

where do I go to slag off Coldplop fans now?