Label Instructions...
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts
On a Japanese food processor
Not to be used for the other use
On a Swedish chain saw
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
On German headphones
Do not increase volume past threshold of pain
On Sainsbury's peanuts
Contains nuts
On Sears hairdryer
Do not use while sleeping
On a bag of Fritos
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap
On some Swanson frozen dinners
Serving suggestions: Defrost
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box)
Do not turn upside down
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
Product will be hot after heating
On packaging for a Rowenta iron
Do not iron clothes on body
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication
On Nytol Sleep Aid
Warning: May cause drowsiness
On most brands of Christmas lights
For indoor or outdoor use only
On a child's Superman costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly
On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid
Do not use on food
On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins
Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?
On V-tech phone
Electronics, like people, sometimes get confused
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THESE ARE TAKEN FROM REAL CVs AND COVERING LETTERS
"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"It's best for employers that I not work with people."
"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Marital status: often. Children: various."
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."
"References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
hehehe hugs satriella xx
