I just got this email:

Osbournes: Reloaded Searching for Ozzy's BIGGEST Fan

The Osbournes' brand-new variety show for FOX (Osbournes: Reloaded) is searching for the biggest, baddest Ozzy Osbourne superfans who are willing to do anything (and we mean ANYTHING!) to meet him. We definitely want to push the boundaries. Think eating bugs, licking belly buttons, getting pierced, shaving your head, getting tattooed, etc. If you've always dreamed of meeting Ozzy Osbourne and know that you'd be willing to do whatever it takes, we want to hear from you!

Al, it's Monday. Go easy on him.

What would I do to meet Joe?? I'd stand in the cold rain (with an umbrella of course) for at least 2 hours!

No, seriously, Joe has ALWAYS been gracious to his Philly fans who wait outside. If he doesn't have a lot of time, everyone is told before he comes out to line up, have one item signed, and keep it moving. I haven't seen Joe personally rush anyone, but his people keep things moving. Gotta make it to the next show ya know!

The only band I've ever seen ditch their fans by jumping on the bus without so much as a wave to fans 15 feet away yelling at them...

DREAM THEATER.

I guess if you don't pay for the handshake, you don't get one :-/

Great posts!! That Jackyl, Lumberjack was wild--a bare chested guy with a chainsaw!! Yikes!!

Monty Python always cracks me up!

Seal and Jeff Beck--that's a rare collaboration. Great tribute to Jimi!!

Zenfish-- Thanks for the vid of Rock 'n' roll Jelly. Tastes as good as the "jam"! I think it's Jeff Beck's parallel to "Satch Boogie"!! Great sonic stuff!

Blue-Moon--Pleeeaaase get well. Yer nose and sinuses will clear up soon enough. That's why you cough and sneeze to clear the breathin pipes!! The disinfectant hand stuff works real good to get rid of the germs. Your guitar will see you through this!! Isn't it a great buddy?

I'd prefare not to imagine what's in yer nose Mc....can't u just grab a tissue and make a quiet sacrifice to the cold Gods?? Just don't LOOK AT IT!!!

Yes Millie, more snow here..and it was starting to melt too, but of course since it was Monday we got to wake up to a new coating of snow...which froze to the roads and made an ice rink all the way to work. It's melted offa the roads now, so we're due fer a new dump I'm sure, by 2mo morning.

Hi

i am From Santiago De chile

i see satriani in the 2 g3 in chile an i think that was just Fantastic

the frist was g4 wih alejandro silva in the last Song and was awesome to seee robert fripp in theree a legend

i see your show too in the caupolican theater in july or some 2008

musterion , overdriver and revelations and much more songs that i leked y just wanna rock

and i see stuart hamm in a clinic of harkte in antofagasta chile

and i hope you do something like that in here that's so far away like a jimi hendrix song

highway chilee

try this

http://www.myspace.com/harrocker

keep On' Rocking in a free world

excuse for my english

GG2- not trying to be difficult, just trying to help if i can. anyway we are all adults here, right. i have no problem with you. i may be analyzing to much, who knows. peace, have a great new year.

no one called me on this but it is Jonathan Mover who plays drums on Circles-Time Machine. ooops! i'm bad. still love ya Jeff!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXAE0KReIsE

anybody watch the bible code thing on History channel. pretty wild, undeniable. oh ohhh.

Igneousiceman - What did you do in the air cadets?....Rise above the rest...LMHO

Ibanez_god - lamb Chops...yum yum! HAHA

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You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus...

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life..
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about..

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first.

Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

HOWEVER, the correct answer is:

Run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

God, I just love happy endings.

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A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman.
"Is there a problem, Officer?"
"Yes, madam, you were speeding."
"Really?"
"May I see your licence please?"
"I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"Don't have one?"
"Nope. Lost it after drunk driving four times."
"I see...May I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"Nope. Can't do that either."
"Why not?"
"Well ... I stole this car."
"Stole it?"
"Yes, after I killed and dismembered the owner."
"You what?"
"Lost my temper. It was messy. His body is in a pile of plastic bags in the boot if you want to see."

The policeman looks at the woman for a second, then backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes there are more police cars circling them. A police sergeant approaches the car, gripping his half drawn gun. He clears his throat, then calls to her, "Madam, please step out of and away from your vehicle please."

She does so. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
"Yes. Could you open the boot of your car please?"
She does, and they both look down into a dusty, empty space.
"Is this your car, madam?"
"Yes. Here are the registration papers."
The Sergeant scans through them, and sees that they are in order. "My officer claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The woman rummages through her bag, then hands her licence to the puzzled Sergeant.
"Ma'am, my officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and dismembered the owner."
"I'll bet the lying b*st**d told you I was speeding, too!!"

hahahahaha i will hvae to remember thiswhen I get a car!

Hugs and laughs Satriella xx

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7. Is there another word for synonym?

8. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

9. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

10. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

11. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

12. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

13. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

14. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

15. How is it possible to have a civil war?

16. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

19. Why are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

20. Why is there an expiry date on sour cream?

21. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

22. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

--------------------

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFE! : I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks... but chocolate sings.

Another thing to giggle about... My significant other, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds.

Here have some chocolate.

"Yngwie the burger munchin' chub"......FLMAO !!!

I just envisioned a stack of white castle burgers on his stack of amps..lol ! Too funny...that made my day.