Igneousiceman - What did you do in the air cadets?....Rise above the rest...LMHO

Ibanez_god - lamb Chops...yum yum! HAHA

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You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus...

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life..
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about..

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first.

Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

HOWEVER, the correct answer is:

Run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

God, I just love happy endings.

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A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman.
"Is there a problem, Officer?"
"Yes, madam, you were speeding."
"Really?"
"May I see your licence please?"
"I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"Don't have one?"
"Nope. Lost it after drunk driving four times."
"I see...May I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"Nope. Can't do that either."
"Why not?"
"Well ... I stole this car."
"Stole it?"
"Yes, after I killed and dismembered the owner."
"You what?"
"Lost my temper. It was messy. His body is in a pile of plastic bags in the boot if you want to see."

The policeman looks at the woman for a second, then backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes there are more police cars circling them. A police sergeant approaches the car, gripping his half drawn gun. He clears his throat, then calls to her, "Madam, please step out of and away from your vehicle please."

She does so. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
"Yes. Could you open the boot of your car please?"
She does, and they both look down into a dusty, empty space.
"Is this your car, madam?"
"Yes. Here are the registration papers."
The Sergeant scans through them, and sees that they are in order. "My officer claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The woman rummages through her bag, then hands her licence to the puzzled Sergeant.
"Ma'am, my officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and dismembered the owner."
"I'll bet the lying b*st**d told you I was speeding, too!!"

hahahahaha i will hvae to remember thiswhen I get a car!

Hugs and laughs Satriella xx

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7. Is there another word for synonym?

8. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

9. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

10. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

11. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

12. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

13. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

14. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

15. How is it possible to have a civil war?

16. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

19. Why are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

20. Why is there an expiry date on sour cream?

21. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

22. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

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The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFE! : I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks... but chocolate sings.

Another thing to giggle about... My significant other, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds.

Here have some chocolate.

"Yngwie the burger munchin' chub"......FLMAO !!!

I just envisioned a stack of white castle burgers on his stack of amps..lol ! Too funny...that made my day.

slansh, an apt description of what I got looking at them fotos....

and more mullets than a 30-35 year high school reunion in the midwest...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got an offer from one of Joe's guitar students (Ry Kihn)!! He says to get in touch with him if I'm interested in taking guitar lessons!!! DANG!!! I'm floating on a blue fluffy cloud!!! I don't know what to say at this point!!! Can I stretch my budget enough? How to go from here. But my heart says, "Go for it!"

;-) Al--I can feel a "Wey hey!" coming on........ECSTASY!!!

Alan, simmer down now!

ibanez_god, don't ask how, just be afraid...be very afraid.

tit.................bits?

:D

Pete Townshend's take on Jimi Hendrix...pretty cool.