Gitzman - How did the book signing go? Were you a jibbering wreck LOL

Ibanez_god - I remember reading in a Paul Gilbert article him saying how his dad made him an amp out of a toaster!

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- Shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' Liverpool .'
And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumuor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
You have got t o love that /STRONG> (woman) fairy!

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check number 11, it takes the prize.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

HUGS!

Hello Joe

I am an Italian Fan of you, I would like to express my disappointment for the ruling regarding the Viva la Vida song. The song is yours, I know about composing and arranging and we just have to accept the world is ruled by a bunch of corrupted empty boxes. Empty boxes like Coldplay that steal inspiration and ideas from "not so sold" artists around.

Your music has influenced all my life...in a good way;-)

Al McKenna--Your new song sounds sweet. Great that you are working on McKenna time--best there is!

Maritime--You are extraordinary and that unflagging sense of humor rocks! You are so relentless!! LOL! When you rock out I can imagine all of the Netherlands, Belgium and Luxumberg rocking and dancing with you--sending ripples across the North Sea to England and Scotland and south to France and beyond! Wooooo Hoooo!!

Michelle and Tracie--You have given me a lot of ground to cover--vids, etc. to catch up on.

Skippygirl--Keep practicing that guitar. As you do, you will find it becomes more natural to place your fingers on the fretboard right where they need to go!

Glitzman--I'm doing well and staying busy with work, home, my Steve and practicing guitar/taking lessons. It's all good! Man, it's far out to hear from Joe! He rocks the universe!

Satriella--Where do you get all these goofy things to post? What do you think of our favorite musician posting here?

Tracie--that post of Satchmo (Louie Armstrong) with the fawn, kitten and bunny was priceless! Awww....sweet! Now, could you send your favorite Satch vid on here, please. Thanks.

i used the podxt to recrod all the gutiars and bass for that song i posted yesterday

So the question begs to be asked......

If Coldplay did absolutely nothing wrong as they state....then why would they dodge the process servers up to this point? Why wouldn't they want to have their day in court just as much as Joe does, in order to get this settled one way or the other?

Hey Joe, here is a great idea.

Be sure to attend the GRAMMY's.

IF Coldplay wins, and they probably will, you should run up on the stage with them to accept YOUR Grammy..... would be funny and make for great TV.

I just though about that today......

COME ON......

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one! You don't even have to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots back into the front door. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joe running up on stage to get HIS Grammy - feckin' BRILLIANT!!!

That would be the ONLY time I would EVER wish for a band like that to actually win. I can hear the crowd chanting JOE! JOE! JOE! already! lmao! At the very least, Joe should be allowed to stand backstage and piss on the Grammy, then present it to Coldplay with a smile :-)

To harsh? I'm thinking not.

Dear SATCH I have a problem i need to record my drums for my songs but i have my home studio, well if i can call it home studio hehe 'cause you need to see it is a very small place, so i know i need the micros but what else?. I love your songs, your songs make my mind travel into the universe. My dream is to make the people have dreams and travel in their minds as your songs did to me, If i weres famous i could do concerts for free. I can't write very well english but i do everything i can do. Well i'll wait for an answer aout the drums recording.

I just wish there would be enough people there (IF it happens) that would have the nads to BOO them if they won. After all, in a room full of musical artists, who wants a scab band to take what isn't theirs?

I still like my last idea better :- )

feckin genius I tells ya :) As always, lol!!

Oh....so I guess they chickened out like girls and want to now accept the papers to serve them for court....

latest news

Michelle--I like your idea AND I also like Ibanez_god's idea for the Grammies. Let's not let Coldplay hijack Joe's award!

It looks like sisters and brothers help open doors in life for each other. My older sister helped me get my first job at a local fast food restaurant. She took me aside and said our parents weren't likely to push us out of the "nest' any time soon as we were into young adulthood--I was 18 and she was 22.

I had my eye on the SF Bay Area and San Jose State U. After Steve and I were married, my older sister followed me up here to settle in San Francisco in the financial district! We don't like being too far away from each other! Turns out, my uncle and aunt moved from Riverside, Cali to Half Moon Bay, Cali! Closer to their nieces! Family is what gives me continuity and helps keep me in touch with who I am.

Joe, Thanks to your sisters Marion and Carol for their important contributions to your life and success! I noticed Carol was given credit on "Not of this World." It's great how you also gave credit to "Constradi and Orchestra"! LOL! What a great start to infinite possibilities in music/life!!

Hey Everyone,

The book signing went really well. I purchased two more books so I had six books to have Tony Dungy sign. I waited for about three to three and a half hours, but it was well worth the wait, even though my adrenaline was pumping up (a little bit), and I remained calm and cool. He managed to sign all of my books, which was awesome. Tony Dungy is one of the best and nicest people I have ever met.

Skippygirl: I am working on the NLP. The treadmills in our apartment complex won't work. Therefore, I do flights of stairs, starting from the ground floor and going up to the top floor (fourteen flights plus the penthouse, if you're curious). Quite a workout there and it gets your heart pounding like crazy. I'll even do weights or the Elliptical. LOL.

Cheese 101: Thanks for the luck on Sunday (I'm going to need it). I might be busy with a lot of things, but at least I'm staying out of trouble. I'm now playing the role of DD: Designated Driver for my friends. I told them I will not drink until I get a couple of my races done and out of the way. My birthday is less than three weeks away so (maybe) I'll have a drink or two by then. How are things going with you and the family? LOL.

Satriella: The book signing was awesome. I was calm and cool and not hootin' and hollerin' like a lot of people did in the bookstore. How are you doing? LOL

GoldenGirl2: That makes two of us. I am busy as well with work, running, etc. How's Steve doing? LOL.

SuperDaveMcCarthy: Glad to hear you are in the band. Rock on, bro!!! LOL to you and the family.

Maritime: How are you doing? Again, love the photos of you and Joe!!!

Michelle: I agree with you with your opinions and facts. I am behind you 100%. How's everything going with you and the family, especially your father? LOL.

Now with the Grammys coming up this Sunday, I hope it is a good one, in which Coldplay will be getting shutout. Man, all of your opinions and ideas are crazy, but kind of good.

Gracias joe por publicar mis fotos que te envie, del show en BUENOS AIRES, es muy espcial para mi....

dammit I miss seeing Joe LIVE!!!

And can't wait for Chickenfoot to hit the road, lol!

This is kinda a cool video too......DANG!!!

Nick...I'm sure Joe appreciated your time and efforts on making those shirts, being an artist himself. You did good :)

Mckenna....shaddap. I'll Peggy Hill u right up yer Irish ass!!

Chelle, even if Joe doesn't plan on being there to carry out yer idea....maybe someone will read yer post and pee on the Grammy in Joe's honor :)) LOL!! So now mebbe I hafta watch the show after all, just to see if it looks like it's.....dripping? lmao.....