If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realise that you had set it free......you either married it or gave birth to it.
Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like,? "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat. "
Now ... I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, Body how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said "Listen bitch ... do it and die.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
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Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
The King of Hearts is the only king without a moustache.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
A snail can sleep for three years.
No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
All polar bears are left handed.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
