JOE swag on sale at Fanfire - bottom of page 1 and on page 2.

the link takes you to page 2, so just go to the previous page. It won't take the link for page 1 for some odd reason.

Hi everyone...a cool thing I forgot to mention the other night: I was visiting a friend in Huntington Beach on Sunday...PSATMOR was in my car's CD player, so when I drove back to Long Beach I decided to take Pacific Coast Highway instead of the freeway to give me more time to listen. So I'm driving right next to the ocean at midnight, under a full moon, which is awesome on its own. It started to rain, which was also kinda cool...and then Out Of The Sunrise comes on and I just have the goofiest smile on my face. I guess it was one of those moments where everything hits you and you realize that even though you might be going through a lot of crap, life in general is pretty OK.

I guess that's my story for the day.

I hope you're able to stay safe...

ibanez_god - definately didn't think you were hoping for that earthquake. I was speaking more from a standpoint of lets not jinx ourselves. Mother Nature must be doing some spring cleaning...unfortunately at the expense of a lot of people.

jeepers I nearly did summit stupid today...

I was standing in front of a gas heater on full blast...

I was dilly day dreaming about something...next minute I look down and smoke is rising thick and fast from my skirt!

whoops...ruined but at least not burned to a crisp!!

Pip Satrini - hehe I think jennifer Aniston is georgeous...pet security was funny...but the blonde antelope had me in stitiches...watched that one a few times!

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Excuses to miss a day of work

A contest was held by the Washington Post in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work…

1. If it's all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

4. My stigmata's acting up.

5. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet . . .

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Hoyas, huh? So I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

13. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

14. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

15. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

16. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

17. I prefer to remain an enigma.

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.

THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll - Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes - Can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink?
Examples on video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours
beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity - Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things - Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch - Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights: Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost - Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven - What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Just saw a picture of the firefighter giving the koala a drink of water from a water bottle. Makes me wanna bawl my head off. These kind of fires suck so bad. I can't imagine the devastation to humans and animals. God Bless you all who are living in this horror.

There's been a rash of arson around here. In Coatsville, somebody is going around to back porches and lighting trash cans or whatever they have that's flammable on fire. The other week it burnt up 15 row homes on one block. They've had 30 cases of arson so far this year. Yesterdays news they caught an arsonist in another set of fires. It was a feckin' 19 year old skinny little girl! WTF is wrong with these idiots? People are losing everything they own, and could possibly lose their lives - all for kicks? It's sick.

ahh well, back to better thoughts

sway with me al :- )

lol!

and who says talent doesn't trickle down - JT's boy

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME

AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other

-- that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?

best laugh of the day

DON'T FEED THE TROLL!

David Finn aka F042958

10 times more talented??? do you realize how stupid of a comment that is, ON THIS SITE!! lol

Go back to your gay ass coldplay site and whine there. Have some class. There is nothing you are going to do here to discredit Joe or make him look bad.

GFY!

TheFireman

Mr. McKenna--Great soulful guitar in your vid! That Satch guitar bug is so contagious it even plays with your eyebrows in mysterious ways! ;-)

Yeah, man....U2 is definitely NOT your cup of tea! That's crystal clear. If everyone liked what U2 did, they prolly "wouldn't be playing anything of depth." As Joshua Redman says.

I'm reading ZEN GUITAR by Philip Toshio Sudo. At the beginning of the chapter "Discipline" a quote from Steve Vai, "It takes a lot of discipline to be very proficient on your instrument.....You have to really exercise your willpower.......reach down really deep within and pull out stuff you never knew you had, strength you never bothered to find before."

A Steve Vai album on CD landed in my hand at a local record store and the price was so low, I had to buy it! "Passion and Warfare." OMG! AND Amazon sent me G3 Live Rockin'in the Free World! That makes 8 Satch albums in my house! My Steve had to get "Raising Sand" the CD Robert Plant and Alison Krauss made together--songs sounded great at the Grammys and on our sonic/stereo/audio system. Nice to hear Robert Plant collaborating with a country singer and branching out in singing. The "twirly thing" he talked about when accepting one of the awards has to do with rock/blues singing with it's twists and turns, bends and curls. Not unlike what Joe does with his guitar riffs/notes.

No one squeezes spiral staircases of joy out of a guitar like Joe--No one!

Maritime--I miss you already...Please come back.

Michelle and Tracie--Go ahead and keep spicing this board up--I dare you!

HeatherShow--Welcome to the T2J forum. It seems like some people have been here for years. I am a relative newcomer, having discovered this place in November. What's your favorite Satch song?