Donkey Hotay
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Since Cappy is away at sea guess a few pirate jokes are safe:
Pirate goes into a bar and orders a beer. Barkeep looks at him and says, "Hey, there's a giant steering wheel sticking out of your pants!"
"Arrrhhh", says the pirate. "It's driving me nuts!"
A pirate goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barkeep notices he's wearing a paper towel for a hat, and asks him, "Hey; what's up with the paper towel?"
"Arrrr," says the pirate, "I've got a bounty on me head."
Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they Arrrrrr!
Pirate walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.
Bartenders asks him about his peg-leg.
Pirate says, "Bit off by a shark."
Bartenders asks about the hook on his right hand.
Pirate says, "Bit off by a killer whale."
Bartenders asks about his eye patch.
Pirate says, "Bird poop."
"What?" replies the bartender. "How can you lose an eye to bird poop?"
The pirate says, "First day with the hook."
and one non-pirate joke to demonstrate:
Why Sentence Structure is Important
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'
'Could you jack off?' she says. 'I feel like crap.'"
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Fri Feb 13 '09 9:44:04 am
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michelle
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Hybes, as far as I know I am. I go back Monday. Since I left the day after 14 people were fired, everything has changed. I have no idea what's going on. It was nice being off to avoid all that crap, but now I have to go back and figure it all out. I haven't talked to any of my co-workers in 4 weeks. (shit man, yeah!) I'm not giving any of them my number either. lol! Work days are enough shared time, thank you anyway. lol! I'll be walking into a whole new situation on Monday, so by Monday night I might be found at the bottom of a good bottle of wine. Stay safe! My heart goes out to all those affected by these horrible disasters.
Al, congrats! Now go out proper and get some hookers!
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Fri Feb 13 '09 10:20:52 am
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cheese101
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Chelle, Joe's smile is mega-watt and just lights everything up, dunt it :) And I think yer on to something there with the hair...guess he just couldn't have both, lol!!! Genius I tells ya!!
And groove away honey, it's a fine way to spend the day, wish I could too!! It would be kinda cool if Joe would do a show for us without the glasses...I so love watching his expressions as he plays...so much heart and soul goes into every song, every time....with the glasses you can see facial expressions, but without, adding in those eyes....WOO! :)
Mckenna, congrats honey, but u must live in an alternate universe where it's Friday the 14th...ya eedgit!! Don't drink and drive neither or I'll hunt you down!! Now I have another reason why not to drive in Ireland...Mckenna is legal and on the loose!! GAH!! ;)
FX...man I hope they get this figured out for you so it doesn't keep going on....that's really pretty scary...hope you're going to have a full recovery.
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Fri Feb 13 '09 10:25:37 am
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Igneousiceman
Is Satchurated Vox JS-DS #009473 UK Plays: Guitar (18 years)
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DoTheStu: Butting into the conversation with loll, I quite like Roll the Bones, especially Dreamline and Bravado. This is one of my current favs from 1978 I think: Circumstances. Here's another gem off Hemispheres, La Villa Strangiato.
Weird actually, the number 13 has cropped up a lot today. I'm not suspicious though...
Listening to/Watching: La Villa Strangiato by Rush
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Fri Feb 13 '09 10:36:21 am
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Blue_Moon
Alan McKenna Dublin Ireland Plays: Guitar (23 years)
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yup, ive a pack of those washers here, got em agesa go and they lasted a long time, most people have no idea what your talking about, especialy in the shop that wudnt friggin hire me, one of the dudes never even heard of xotic pedals ffs
im going to ram my car into there shop window one day, its going to be a legal accident now
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Fri Feb 13 '09 11:06:26 am
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cosmic_ape
Aron Ortega Plays: Guitar (25 years)
1138 posts total | IP Logged
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...people in music stores are clueless... I keep asking for JOE's chrome dome picks and they think I'm pulling their leg... I haven't bought the washers yet, I'm afraid to ask... I tried the nail polish trick once but it didn't last for long...
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Fri Feb 13 '09 11:11:28 am
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GoldenGirl2
Millicent Moritz Santa Clara, California USA Plays: Guitar (15 years)
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Mr. McKenna--A promise is a promise the world over! Ya better listen to T., Michelle and me. I wish you had an old man's brain so you don't keep drinkin yourself into the unknown........way into the unknown!! Enuff said here! ;-/
Michelle and T. What are we gonna do about this young man who takes so many luni risks when drinking? Gaaaaahhhh!!
Slans--It's your turn to admonish Al. I still think he could be your nephew! So what you say has much weight.
GoldenGirl2
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Fri Feb 13 '09 11:36:38 am
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Zinc Master
Zinc Master Crown Point, IN USA
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Wal-Mart Greeter Job
As my retirement investments have taken such a beating this last year, I thought I should look for some supplemental income.
So, I got a job as a Wal-Mart greeter -- a good find for many retirees ? however, I lasted less than a day ...
About two hours into my first day a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind or just stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am, I just can't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
Hope my retirement investments return soon!
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Fri Feb 13 '09 12:42:00 pm
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michelle
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GGirl, nah nah nah. Ya got me all wrong. No way am I trying to stop Al from drinking. It's the national past time in Ireland, and I'm not getting in the way of that! I just like to remind him that he's not making friends with his liver. Then again, anyone taking anti-depressants and most other meds are doing even worse than Al's occasional weekend bender. Don't wish him an old brain. Wish him a good liver. Besides, me and Al are gonna be meeting for a good piss up one of these days. He can't stop now!
Cause we find ourselves in the same ol' mess singin' drunkin' lullabies!
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Fri Feb 13 '09 2:55:54 pm
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michelle
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LMMFAO!!!
T, a piss up, not drunkin' piss contest. That's a whoooole other level of drunkeness, and I do believe McBB would win. Especially if there's snow!
rotf!!! I love ya girl - yer killin' me over here!
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Fri Feb 13 '09 3:06:47 pm
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Do The Stu
Austin Lewis, III Costa Mesa, CA United States Plays: Bass (25 years)
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It's RAINING...awesome! :-)
Blue_Moon - Congrats!
Igneousiceman - There's nothing wrong with butting in when we're talking about Rush...haha.
I need to give Hemispheres a spin soon...I haven't listened to that album nearly enough.
Listening to: Sigur Ros - Saeglopur
...Austin...
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Fri Feb 13 '09 3:44:02 pm
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Blue_Moon
Alan McKenna Dublin Ireland Plays: Guitar (23 years)
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thankies... and dont worry m im sure it will happen one day, i'll be the drinkin games to end all of drinkin games
and i dont know anyone else who can compete lmao,
aww yeah, and jesus i cant beleive how stupid some of those coldplay only fans are, it boggles the mind how those people operate, to say sometihng like that is just plain wrong in its purist form and on joe's site too, as much as i ignored it i had to post something cause its just so ridiculous, and the funny thing is i tihnk the coldplay thing is a coinsidence, but to knock someone like that is stupid... can tbelieve some people sometimes... its just ignorent above all else
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Fri Feb 13 '09 4:11:34 pm
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cheese101
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chelly-belly, I knew xactly what you meant and I still say it'll turn into a drunken piss contest in it's highest form....it'll be a work of art, truly :)))))) LOL!!!!
But yeah, I so gotta be there fer it...later this year and don't say no MCKENNA, u know u miss us terribly and wanna come back...there's a nice comfy bed in it somewheres fer ya, if that'll hep.....and yer buddy....
CHICKENPA 2009 HELL YEAH!!!
Be afraid Joe.....be very afraid.....mischief afoot, don't think not!!! LOL!!
And I lubs u too c-chelle :)
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Fri Feb 13 '09 5:07:56 pm
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Blue_Moon
Alan McKenna Dublin Ireland Plays: Guitar (23 years)
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The best part of the night T is getting drunk somewhere and ending up in someone elses bed,
gotta meet some more cop chicks that give u their drinks too, fun times man
and lets not forget the night i was out pissed waslking down sunset boulevard having a great time, then i got lost... mad good night
i'm just glad im still in one piece
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Fri Feb 13 '09 5:23:23 pm
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fatape
craig North Lambton/Newcastle, NSW Australia Plays: Guitar (54 years)
468 posts total | IP Logged
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TROLLLLLLSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love trolls.They're sooo yummy.Especially when their brains are cooked medium rare like the most recent one.Extra tasty. Just goes to show you how intelligent some COCKPLAGIARISER fans can be. All spew,NO FACTS to back it up. C'MON AUSSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Fri Feb 13 '09 5:27:02 pm
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