I had my Canon powershot SX10IS!!!

Do the Stu- I´ll check that band too, thanks

Hey Glitzy - no Mojito? What? Hmmm... ..you should have had birthday-boy priority pick of the bars, that's your privilege! They also sound like fightin' boys you hang out with! Brings back memories of the Pier Hotel circa late 70's (I was very underage like 15 but nobody ever checked back then) - had to dodge the broken glass and flying punches while watching Cold Chisel in the upstairs section. Where I come from that's the most important skill a teenage girl learns :0). Carpet used to squelch under your feet.

But not a fun way to celebrate your birthday - never mind, get a good mate over tomorrow night and pour yourself a nice Mojito and put on some Satch music, and there you go! That's what Out Of The Sunrise is for :0)

sad guitar happy - wow you been playing a while. I like everything of Joe's - very hard to pick a favourite. Did you see Joe last July in Melbourne?

Hiya....well my boss is being darned right grrr again...

He decided to put the microwave outside in the yard on Friday because he doesn't like the smell of our soup when he comes back from lunch...

OK....OK mr!!!

got a thermos flask at the weekend...ate my soup in his office today...HA!

OK OK I didn't eat it in his office...just in mine...but mine is near his and I know darn well he will smell it!

dont you just hate it when people take advantage...a friend who I haven't seen in years came round 4 weeks ago...I have been to both of his weddings...known him for 25 years...I gave him g3 live in denver and he borrowed a load of steve vai cds and my paul gilbert rush tribute dvd....now he has been thrown out of his flat and wont answer the phone...so i guess I can say goodbye to my stuff!

GuitarMatt778897 - Oh come on...shorten that name LOL Congratulations on the Drivers License and Job...WOW free films too...cool!

Cosmic_ape - aaaaaaaaagh so jealous....You are seeing Paul Gilbert....where? when? with who? Can I come?

Do The Stu - aaaaah Marine Layer...yes a beautiful tune....hmmmm yes now you mention it about the hands insurance...that does ring a bell somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind...my kids dont call me goldfish for nothing!

Scubadaz - WOW a LOTR tattoo round your arm...that is so cool....whether you were rat faced at the time or not...Tom Bombadil....a spaced out Hippy if ever I saw one....and I saw a few yesterday coz I watched the film about the doors!

Pip - And what are mum's specials then? I like mine with mincemeat and cream....mmmmm yum! Pigs in blankets are sausages wrapped in bacon...btw well...round these here parts anyway.

js1200js1000 - hows the kid? job? mrs? still good?

hugs Satriella xx

GlitzMan...Happy birthday !

Universal truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

Austin Powers pick up lines

• I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

• (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

• Nice legs...what time do they open?

• Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

• You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

• Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

• I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

• I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

• I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

• I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

• If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

• You know if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

• Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

• My name is (name)... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

• Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

• Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

• I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

• I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?

• Baby, I'm an American Express lover... you shouldn't go home without me.

Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them.

Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:

Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin” or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking façade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries: 1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system; 2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medicallogistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please forward it by Friday.

dream3: no sign of the chickenfoot platinum passes yet, I had heaps of room on that credit card and it seemed to be charged (quite expensive though).

I can't think why we haven't got them yet.

Oh well, they'll turn up soon I guess.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director how do You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the p lug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

scubadaz

Sorry - must of missed them before.

My bad.

It just appeared in my inbox today.

Oh man...a friend just showed me This Song and I can't get it out of my head...it's really cool.

Totally funky, reminds me of the Beatles in a way, the composition traits are similar to some of their work...

Wow, it must be like a year at least since I was here!!! So how is everyone? What's new in Satchland?

And, perhaps most importantly, what's the album with the longest title in the world like?