Hey Joe.

well ....got my Chickenfoot tickets...thinking can I afford this...GULP

Then...nexxt day solicitor says she has to fill in a form A to enforce a form E to be filled in by my ex...that will be £210

DIVORCE is darned expensive...I wouldn't mind so much if I was the one that had asked for it...but my hubby wanted it a year ago and now he wont do anything...we are in limbo because he doesn't want to give me my fair share (50/50 split) ...grrrrr

1. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

2. After stopping for a drink at a bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

3. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

4. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was hoping that they would show up again.

5. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

6. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

7. A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

IF WOMEN DRINK THESE DRINKS IN A PUB (not at home).

BEER
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS E.G.; GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

WATER
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.

WINE - (BOTTLED, NOT 4 LITRE CASK)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, MUDSHAKE ETC.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

SPIRITS SUCH AS CC, WILD TURKEY, SOUTHERN COMFORT

Personality: Watch out, they are unique! A real mixture of personalities. Love to be laid!
Approach: Talk dirty to them whilst challenging them intellectually - you're in!

CAPE VELVET
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

SHOTS AND SLAMMERS (TEQUILA, VODKA, COWBOYS, AFTERSHOCK ETC.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, nothing to do but wait...

SPIRITS SUCH AS JACKS, BEAM & BUNDY
Personality: Enjoys male company more than females, loves to party hard
Approach: Keep buying them drinks, they'll think you're a nice bloke and they are probably trying to work out how to get you to bed!

IF MEN DRINK in a PUB (as always, very simple and clear cut).

CIDER
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

CASTLE LAGER BEER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

IMPORTED BEER
He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

WINE
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

PORT
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

WHISKY/JACK DANIELS
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

JIM BEAM
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

Satriella, I think I would fall under the category of sip on whatever and emphasize sip, as to not become intoxicated and play the waiting game with any of 'em :-)

Wow I've been away for awhile. Stuffs been really busy here lately. Still trying to find a good local band to do the music for my paranormal group's documentary. Still haven't found one that impresses me and it doesn't help that I'm really just wanting instrumental not that interested in vocals.

Most local bands here do the Blues and that's not quite the way I'm wanting to go. Good thing I still have plenty of time since the music and voice overs are the last things we'll be editing into it.

I wish we had the financial resources to get Joe to do the music for us, that's the type of sound I'm wanting but so far nobody here has been able to pull it off. Oh well I get to keep looking. I've heard some good music though, some of these people do have talent just not the right sound.

Other than that I've been working on a book, and taking care of my cat after she got spayed. She's doing good now. Also trying to maintain sanity cause the kids are getting major cabin fever and the weather here can't quite decide if it wants to be spring or winter.

So that's what I've been doing. I am looking forward to Chickenfoot and hoping they come close to me while on tour.

THE JOËLLE'S POEM

Us the poets, we are neither cicadas neither ants.

Us, the poets, the true, we are fireflies & the tapeworm troubles us.

& we go, with our demons, by the way of angels & maidens.

Speaking of Aerosmith, Joe Perry not being a virtuoso type guitarists, I still really like his unique style and phrasing. J.P. is one of the players I would love to see team up with Satch at least on stage for a duet to see what each brought out of the other.

I would also like to see Satch and David Gilmore do similar on something slow and gritty. It is interesting sometimes to see musicians of different styles perform together. Many times you see sides of each player you may never have seen.