Troubles at Home - And Then The Fight Started

My wife & I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

********************************

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*********************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ...

***********************

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Shit. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.......

**********************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

********************************************

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.......

***********************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

*************************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

Hey Everyone:

Hope you are all doing well. I got today and tomorrow off from work which is good. However, I got too much stuff going on for those two days. I have some people calling me to sell their bib numbers for the Indy-Mini Marathon that is coming up in less than a month. I have until this Friday to decide.

I also have to make a reservation (for eight) for my family for an Easter Brunch at the Holiday Inn, where I work.

Tomorrow, I meet with my financial advisor to rollover my 401K (FINALLY), and later meet up with some friends for a birthday party. I have too much stuff going on.

Do The Stu: I would really like to see Chickenfoot, but I'm not sure if it's going to work out for me. My workplace is going to pick up soon with upcoming weddings/receptions, business meetings, sports teams, etc. That's how it is when you work in hospitality. By the way, I do have Joe's One Big Rush on my MP3. I listen to it a lot when I go out for a long run.

Zinc Master: Good luck with your run at Valpo? What goal do you have in your time? By the way, are you doing the Indy-Mini? If so, we ought to meet up.

GoldenGirl2: Hey Millie. How did it go with the meetings of the neuropsychiatrist and epileptologist with you and Steve? I hope it all went well. Absolutely!!! I am willing to help you on your search for those remaining Joe CDs/DVDs. I would definitely recommend Ebay for finding most/all of them. I would suggest that you look right away and if possible, have an Ebay account with them. I started one almost a year ago and all my transactions have been excellent. I am pretty sure that most of those CDs/DVDs are there. I know a couple of music stores around Fort Wayne that might have some of them. Would you like me to check them out for you? If there is anything else, let me know. By the way, don't forget Joe's One Big Rush CD.

js1200js1000: Yeah man, some of Joe's CDs vary in price. It depends on what the people are looking for.

Tostado: Glad to hear that you are doing better. How are you doing right now, since the surgery? Get better amigo.

Burly: I may not be from Germany, however my last name is German. Does that count for you when you are looking for a Joe fan from Germany? You plant rice? Cool, my Dad and his side of the family have their farm business and they do soybeans, corn, wheat, hogs, etc. My Dad also works down at a seed plant during the winter.

Pip Satriani: Phil, I am hoping to see Chickenfoot, but I'm not sure if it is going to work out for me because of my running races and work. Hopefully they will come to Indy, but if not, then maybe around the Chicago or Detroit area. How are you doing, by the way?

Michelle: I don't watch Rescue Me and I don't have cable. I do watch a lot of Survivor, The Amazing Race, and Dancing With The Stars. I also watch Grey's Anatomy, and all the CSI shows. By the way, how are you and your family doing these days?

Guitarvibes: Thanks for the heads up on posting the CP posts. I already read all those articles. I want this whole thing to end soon!

Guitarman77897: What's up man? You mentioned about the whole CP thing so I wasn't sure if you saw the posts that Guitarvibes posted.

scubadaz: How are you doing man? Steve Vai coming to London? How cool is that!? You ought to go see him along with Chickenfoot. That would be an amazing experience for you.

Satriella: How are you doing? I haven't chatted with you for quite sometime.

Skippygirl: How are you doing? I might be doing the Indy-Mini which is coming up soon. Some people can't do it, so they called me to sell their application & bib number to me. I have until this Friday to decide. Of all the people here, I think you give me the best encouragement and advice when I get ready to do a run.

Elpp: How's the running and breathing techniques going for you? I hope it all helps out.

Scubadaz: That's quite a bit of currency there. Sorry you couldn't go see Vai, but on the plus side, one out of two is not bad. Enjoy Chickenfoot man!

Cosmicape: Hope it works out for you. I've been trying to get it rolled over for months now. With what I have on my plate, it is quite a challenge to get this done. Some good news, I meet with my advisor tomorrow so we can get it done. YEAH!!! How's everything going for you out in California? By the way, Austin (D.T.S.) mentioned about the earthquake in California that happened about 15 years ago.

Hello everybody !!!! does anyone remembers the first time he listened to Joe Satriani ?

Me :

Good Afternoon Satchland...... How's everyone?

Man, It's ben' a long time since I've ben' here.

Checked out Jeff Beck's Live at Ronnie Scotts DVD.... Breathtaking to put it mildly. What a band. Jeff is unreal. His technique would be pretty hard to cop and Tal Wilkenfeld....all I can say is OOOH !!!! My God !!!! Man can that girl play bass. It's just a pleasure to watch these great musicians rip through these songs. You've got to check this DVD out. It just may change your life...... Well ...... maybe I'm stretching here a bit but it's unfecking believable.

Hope all is well with everyone. You guys and gals are the best.

Go Chickenfoot.....

Takfarinas, this place is loaded with freaks! Guitar freaks, music in general freaks, aloe freaks, peanut war freaks, and yer every day run of the mill freaks. Welcome!

First time I heard Joe... My neighbor said "dude, you have to hear this guy..." and he played Surfing With The Alien. That was back in 1980whatever? We got that cd, then didn't get another until my husband and his friend went to see Joe on his self-titled cd tour. My husband raved about the gig, and we've been to every Joe show/G3 since then :-)

Glitz, we're all good, thanks.

Hi Keniko!

Chee, I saw the coverage of the earthquake on the news last night and it brought tears to my eyes. They showed a dog that wouldn't move off of the rubble his people were buried under. Jayzus, such massive devastation. So very very sad.

Blue_Moon---So you don't know how you lasted this long. Well I know Joe had something to do with it. Maybe Steve Vai had something to do with it....or Eddie Money or Frank Zappa........hmmmm......Who loves ya? Maybe people in a forum somewheres?

I know chelle...it's just heartbreaking. Joe was just in Milan, so I wondered if he was there when the quake hit, or if they felt it....and wondered about his family and friends over there :((( So many people left homeless, so many deaths and people yet to find. Terrible tragedy....my heart goes out to them.

As for freaks in this forum, well hell, if it weren't fer the freaks I wouldn't fit in at all! We like hanging with our own kind after all u know.....

Webmaster: Jon, thanks and that is an awesome title page! Now we need to see some blue. Joe, can't wait to hear from you. Keep up your accomplishments.

Michelle: I am overwhelmed as well. I can't believe it happened. Prayers to the people in Italy.

Cheese101: Tracie, what's up!?

Really like the new home page. The new chickenfoot.us site is really great too. Cool new features.

I saw Best Buy is listing chickenfoot's cd now. It's an exclusive.

We are no longer "Children of the Foot"

we are now...

CHICKENHEADS!!

now that's damn funny!

T - even more funny with our past rubber chicken in skater shoes!

It was all part of the master plan. I see that now. LOL!

Always with meat, always with shoes!

talk to joers..heads up HANG OUT WITH THE WEEDMAN & SATCH...AND ME! Want the chance to come to the Bone studios and meet Joe Satriani? Click here and enter our random drawing to visit at Noon on Wednesday, April 15 for a special edition of "Hey Mom, I'm On The Bone" and a BIG announcement regarding the formation of an outta-this-world supergroup!

Webmaster, thanks for the cool new home page, and Joe's web greeting...Joe YOU are the Master of Rock :-)