I wanna go there, I wanna climb Now I don't know about no law, I don't see no crime Ain't no reason, ain't no rest I wanna get down to the woman and get undressed

And I can't stand it, I can't stand it I can't wait to see them walls falling down

So tell me Jesus, why they run Is it by the weight of the woman, the weight of the gun? Got fifty minutes now and I just don't care I'm gonna take this off already when I get there

And I can't stand it, I can't stand it I can't wait to see them walls falling down And I can't stand it, I can't stand it I can't wait to see them walls falling down

No where tomorrow, a Sunday rhyme You know all good things come in their due time Put 'The Ball Peen Hammer', 'Right Thru' That Door' And I don't pretend to understand no more

I can't stand it and I can't stand it I can't wait to see them walls falling down I can't stand it, I can't stand it I can't wait to see them walls falling down

Castle49 - I just read your note about the fire...and I thought Oh my god....must put a note up to ask what happened...got to the last note...and there you are explaining to Austin....glad you are OK....hope you remain so!

Hugs Satriella xx

Last week I attended an AA meeting, and to my horror, each person present stood up and openly admitted to being an alcoholic. I'm not having these boastful drunkards repairing my car. I can only hope the RAC have more responsible employees.

The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their minds up.

'Disneyland - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail loses around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London

The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I.

On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.

Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.

Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of 'There is Nothing Left to Lose' by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.

I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My Dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.

What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.

When I nipped into a McDonald's to use their toilets the other day, I was confronted by a spotty teenager mopping up vomit just by the lavatory. On the back of his T-shirt it said 'I'm Lovin' it!' Funny, but the poor sod's face told a different story.

I was being chased by a police dog last week, and made the mistake of trying to escape through a little tunnel, over a see-saw and through a hoop of fire. It finally caught me as I was weaving in and out of some sticks.

I don't know why cigarette manufacturers put those big warning stickers on the side of their packets. If anything, it is likely to put people off buying the product. Forget Prince Harry and his fascist ways, whilst eating a Birdseye Potato Waffle the other day, I was sickened to be able to fashion a crude swastika from the compressed starch matrix. And their Alphabites are no better. After carefully selecting a plateful, I was able to spell out 'Hitler is nice' if I used a z on its side for an n. How long are the frozen food giants going to be allowed to get away with this?

'You never close your eyes any more when I kiss your lips...' wrote the Righteous Brothers in their 1964 hit. Well, to be fair, in order to see that your bird's not closing her eyes when you're copping off with her you would have to have your eyes open as well. It sounds to me like they've both 'lost that lovin' feeling.' I reckon the relationship is dead in the water and they should end it now before they both get hurt.

The saying goes, 'See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck.' Well I beg to differ. I'm a matador, and whilst picking a penny up at work the other day I was badly gored in the anus. That's not good luck in my book. Milos el Standish, Barcelona

I was shocked to hear Home Secretary say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.

On our wedding anniversary this year, my husband promised to treat me like a Princess. He was as good as his word: he took me for a meal, got completely pissed and on the way home crashed into a concrete pillar at 120mph, killing me instantly.

If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable Cockney characters are Man Utd supporters?

They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.

If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures Salmon and bacon?

They say good manners cost you nothing. Rubbish. I sent my daughter to finishing school and it cost me twenty bloody grand.

Now I've been going out with my girlfriend for some time, it seems OK when I break wind in bed. It's when I follow through that the petty arguments begin. I will never understand women.

We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she 'bravely remained in London beside her husband' during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and pissed off, first to France, then North Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany. The shame will always be with us.

I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young people who stand on motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up boards telling us motorists where they lead to.

Steve Morse and 6,346 Guitar Players Take to the Streets in Poland

cube.....OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH.....so that's the secret??

Well damn....I don't eat much....mebbe I gotta add the bike and treadmill fer results? As Joe has demonstrated and chelle reminds us, buns of steel don't ship UPS.....

Professor Stephen Hawking was giving a talk to a lecture hall full of guitarists and got booed off stage.

Cappy:-Lace your hamsters drinking water with a gooood shot of whiskey,then,when he's wobblin' around his cage,tell him your from the Amusement Park Safety Authority and your here to check his ferris wheel with a personal stress test.If he gives you any lip,threaten him with a "closed till further notice" sticker!!!

If that fails...drink all the whiskey you can,then when you get that "hungry drunk" frame of mind happening,EAT THE HAMPSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Friday, everyone!

Great news....my hubby Steve's prostate biopsy came out negative!! We just found out this morning when his one of many doctors called!

Now on to the neurosurgery on 18 May with indepth electrodes and a whole week in the hospital connected to a monitoring machine and frequent doctors and nurses checking in on him day and night.......he gets iritable and grumpy when he misses sleep.....I'm not looking forward to this. Looking forward to the road test show 17 May in SF.

Hi Mr joe

can i ask a tech question

can i play super colossal with the octave setting available in the digitech whammy ?

Sammy Hagar, who was touring on the other side of the country with Van Halen in 1991, wanted to fly home and play the Golden Gate Park memorial concert for Bill Graham. He lined up former Montrose drummer Denny Carmassi, and called guitarist Joe Satriani to ask if Satriani would join him to play Montrose's "Rock Candy." Images The members of Chickenfoot (left to right) - Joe Satriani...CD cover of "Chickenfoot." View Larger Images

"You know what he said?" Hagar asks. "He said, 'I don't do other people's material.' I thought 'What an upbeat f-.' "

"I don't remember that," an astonished Satriani says. "Why would I say something like that?"

But Satriani finally did join Hagar for a brief jam session in February last year in Las Vegas with Hagar's Chickenfoot, a three-man weeknight poker circle that used to get together and jam at Hagar's Mexican beach cantina, Cabo Wabo, featuring Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith and Van Halen bassist Michael Anthony, long a Hagar partner-in-crime.

Now Satriani, rock's leading instrumentalist and hero of a thousand guitar magazine covers, has joined forces with rock's most irrepressible front man and his monumental rhythm section.

People make a bad habit of underestimating Hagar, 61, the Energizer bunny of hard rock, who is about to begin his fourth platinum career. The Chickenfoot album, produced by Led Zeppelin engineer Andy Johns, will be released June 9, and the band starts an instantly sold-out, nine-city Road Test tour next Sunday at the Fillmore, before heading off to tour Europe in June and July, and returning to do a proper tour of the states in August.

"You're not a band unless you gig, I say," drummer Smith says.

The band members are sitting around a giant Chinese lacquered table that Hagar found while bargain hunting with his wife in Chinatown. They are passing around Satriani's laptop and goofing with the video. Anthony and Smith are staying at the nearby Terra Linda Motel. Satriani drove up from San Francisco and Hagar came down from his Mill Valley mountaintop. They have gathered to rehearse for the shows.

"I've got ideas pouring out of me today," Hagar announces as he walks into his Red Rocker Recording Studio in this quiet nook of warehouses and industrial buildings outside San Rafael.

"After Van Halen, I said I would never work with a genius guitar player again," Hagar says. "But after jamming with these guys for a while, we decided, 'Let's get a good guitar player.' I got his number and started calling Joe. This time it worked."

Hagar put his regular band, the Cabo Wabos, on retainer ("As much as they've done for me, they can be on salary the rest of their lives") and started working up material. The band took Johns into the huge orchestral room at Skywalker Ranch to record.

"This record was pretty live," Hagar says. "I did half the vocals live. I spent 10 days singing eight hours in a row. I would sit out, thinking I'd save my voice, but they would sound so good, I would want to get in there. We sound like a band because we did it like a band."

"Old school, baby," Anthony says.

The album smokes - an hour of ripping hard rock based around Hagar originals such as "Sexy Little Thing," "Get It Up" and the leadoff single, already a Canadian smash, "Oh Yeah."

"Doesn't Sammy's voice sound big?" Satriani says.

Guitar wizard Satriani uses the finesse and power made famous on million-selling instrumental albums such as "Surfing With the Alien" and "The Extremist," but he is clearly comfortable in this supporting role, able to play in ways he couldn't as an instrumental soloist.

"He's playing so much," Hagar says.

"It's a whole new Joe," Anthony adds.

"My career sort of fell in my lap," Satriani says. "It was almost accidental. This is more in line with what I always thought I would be doing since I was 14 years old, Jimmy Page, standing behind some guy like Sammy, playing the song."

When native New Yorker Satriani arrived in the Bay Area in 1978, he played with a popular Berkeley club attraction called the Squares before being drafted by the Greg Kihn Band, then in its final stages. Satriani was working on "Surfing With the Alien" when the Kihn band finally dissolved. At one point, he was signed to a second record deal with Epic Records as part of a group-to-be-formed, but he could never find a singer and returned the advance after a couple of years trying.

Memorabilia on the studio walls tells the story of the extraordinary career of Hagar, a working-class kid from Fontana (San Bernardino County) who came to San Francisco in 1970 with a band called the Justice Brothers before guitarist Ronnie Montrose picked him to form his new band, Montrose. There not only are gold and platinum solo albums and photos from his years with Van Halen, one of hard rock's all-time greats, but also posters of liquor bottles from his tequila business, his restaurant chain, even his mountain bike enterprise. He is wearing a faded T-shirt with his new band's insignia and the lettering "Pataepollo" - Chickenfoot in Spanish - already half worn out.

The record is not being released by a label, but by the Best Buy chain, which is distributing the CD on a non-exclusive basis. The chain has previously made exclusive deals for independent releases by bankable acts such as Journey, Guns N' Roses and Elton John, but this is its first new-band, widespread release.

"Obviously, they want to be in the music business," Hagar says.

"Plus we all get free TVs," Smith says.

The band's gear is set up in a tiny, crowded studio space down the hall. The musicians all wear earplugs. Tall, muscular Smith may be one of the loudest drummers this side of Keith Moon. At Satriani's feet is such a bewildering collection of foot switches, pedals and signal processing equipment, even he admits to getting confused and stepping on the wrong button sometimes.

Satriani spent a month in the studio by himself, overdubbing guitar parts with producer Johns, scrupulously layering in textures and weaving little details deep into the fabric (is this the first hard-rock record with banjo?). Johns and Satriani previously collaborated on "The Extremist," and Johns did a Van Halen record with Hagar ("I fired him from doing my vocals," Hagar says). On the Chickenfoot record, the veteran British engineer ended up in the hospital, and another engineer finished the mix.

"He cared so much," Satriani says. "We got the best of Andy."

"We almost killed him," Smith says. "Nobody dies on a Chickenfoot record."

The band played its first real date for an audience of Best Buy executives in March at the Grove Anaheim on three days' rehearsal. "We were excited," Hagar says. "The first song seemed like it took an hour."

"It was one of our longest numbers," Smith says. "The adrenaline was on 12."

"We really did play for an hour and nobody had heard one song before," Satriani says.

All the band members swear allegiance to Chickenfoot.

"I'm a decade man," Hagar says. "If I can get 10 more years out of this old body."

Smith mumbles something about Chili Peppers obligations as if they are annoyances. Right now, Satriani doesn't care if he ever makes another instrumental record.

"He had credibility up to this point," Hagar says. "But Chickenfoot is going to be way too successful for credibility. It sounds too much like a hit."

"I have been nurturing obscurity for years," Satriani says. {sbox}