Hey Joe

How ya doing....what a whirlwind of a time you are having at the moment....

is it tiring or exciting?

What are Geoff, Galen and Stu doing? Their own Projects or a rest?

Hugs Satriella xx

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE... FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

3. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

4. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

6. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

7. Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

8. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

9. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

10. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

11. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

12. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

13. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

14. You have enough clothes.

15. You have too many shoes.

16. Crying is blackmail.

17. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one. Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

19. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

20. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

21. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

22. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

23. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

24. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

25. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, or Jet Li flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway).

26. Check your oil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

27. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

28. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

29. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

30. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

32. Let us ogle (stare). We're going to look anyway. It's genetic.

33. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

34. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

35. If it itches, it will be scratched.

36. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

37. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong.

38. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

39. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that. It's like camping.

Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

Because I'm a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu." For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how the heck could HE know where we're going?

Because I'm a guy, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is ok, I don't need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too?

Because I'm a guy, I am capable of announcing, "one more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. What's the connection?

Because I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.

Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Hi Everyone,

This is the first time that I've ever posted a message to anyone online ever. So apologies if my cyber ettiquette is incorrect!!

I'm a little distraught, I'm still learning to play the guitar and now I've gone and broken all the fingers on my left hand ( I'm right-handed, by the way). Has anyone else you know sustained a similar injury and if so, what's the chances of a full recovery? I'm not asking medical advice - they don't seem to understand - "as long as you can work etc. and you're not a professional musician, then all will be well". Be great to hear something positive, although if the the outlook is bleak, then bleak it is.

lol today at college i had a go on the drums xD

LadyRebecca--Just get your hand seen by a doctor and get his/her opinion. Broken bones take time to heal---give yerself some time and stay off yer left hand for as long as the doctor says. Patience with this. And not least, welcome to the T2J forum.

Pip--How are things goin' between you and your guitars--are they behaving themselves and doing what they are told. How are the personalities of your axes?

A McKenna--Where did ya get that wild "True Men Don't Kill Coyotes"? I was born in L.A. and would if I could rewrite my birth certificate! But what's done is done. I'm only as good as what compassion and care I can live now...

Cosmic_ape---You gave a great example of how NOT to perform or even rehearse "Panama". I can't believe John Mayer would even attempt any part of that. Didn't he realize how horrible he sounded?! Apparently not.

Joe......Thanks for your message......You are always the teacher and I love you for that as well as for the great human being you are. San Fran on May 17 is gonna be a fun adventure with all the wonderful fans to witness the newly formed Chickenfoot and crew!

Tracie--Please send me an email....we can plan to meet in San Fran on May 17....oK?

Michelle--Here's hoping lots of good times ahead with yer friends here--including young Alan! What a handsome, charming, attractive man! Just tell me where to stand in line (or is it the queque). I'll even take a number!! See what love does to ya!!

Cube.....With you, there's no contest! (She backs away slowly)

Inspiration for today: While listening to the song "Friends" I turn to goo at 2:08 with the climactic guitar riffs! The richness, beauty....just the way it's done......like no other....Thanks, Joe!

Tracie--Well, it took me awhile to list myself as attending the San Fran CF Road Test show. I just haven't looked into the other 5 tabs on this site for awhile. My mind is so full of information, most of the time I'm in overload. Time for a clean slate, so to speak.

Chickenfoot, Chickencoop, Chickenfriends, Chickens--Hens and Roosters with their fine feathered friends from the time of the Yardbirds-----Aaaahhhhh, Birdland! Then there's the Eagles with Don Henly, Felder.......more feathered friends?

Yikes......please throw a net over me!

"RHCP boyos"......Al, ya do see things from a unique perspective. There's a fine line between boys and men. It's often a mystery to me because I see my Steve and Joe and a lot of guys as a charming blend of both! Of course, us females also have that complex blend of girl and woman.....just as baffling as our male counterparts, I guess! LOL!

God, please don't let me be one of those super-long repeated a gazillion times email posters!! Enough is enough......please nudge me when I've said enough!

scuby - be careful out there....

Have a great day all - yay it's Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

burly: good, not much time on it lately, still have 50 items or more to put on there and the latest chickenfoot dates as well as back before 2002.... How many other people have hired an admin assistant to take care of data entry on their Satch tribute site! :)

Skippy, was thinking that, I'm going to start searching that info in the next week. If you find out first, let me know.

cosmic_ape: yes it is.. Hey do you want us to let you know what happens today so when the US catches up tomorrow you have an idea of what to expect? :)

Hey, if skippy says it's Friday, I'm all for it! lol!

Millie, the only one in line to have a piece of Al is Cube. After he's done having at him, he's all yers.

LadyReb, keep up with all the physical therapy you can get. Work on yer strength and dexterity. I say, where there's a will, there's a way. Keep at it!

elpp, thanks for the Disturbed news. I love all those songs. I just wish there wouldn't be so many other bands playing with them. Here's Remember with a little T & A. The sound doesn't match up towards the end, but I figger none of ya will be looking at Dave by then anyways. LOL!

The only bitch is, I work the next day. Good thing the venue is close to my house :-)

My neck is gonna be shot!! LOL!

just got back from the doc, here was his advice:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.