So, I haven't posted for ages.... an I go and do this!

I've probably done worse though... right?

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.

I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.

The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'

roo - I've had to buy the bloody thing twice - plugged into itunes and it auto-synced and removed T2J from the iphone grrrrr.

Pip - haw haw, like those.

Scoob - must get on with Ten Words again, time is whippin by and I wanted to learn it by Xmas, I'll have to be creative a little slow solo tho. Hoep you feel better soon.

I actually asked about lessons at the groovy guitar shop in Fitzroy, was getting a birthday gift for my brother, I liked the guy in the shop he related well to someone in my demographic, so might end up with some lessons for my birthday next month.

Joe - hope Oklahoma is jumpin'

Skippygirl, tell apple and demand a refund, that'd have to be a bug!

Roo

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze

He put up a damn good fight :-/

Yes he did - I recently saw the documentary he did earlier in the year

I always thought Patrick Swayze was full of fire and passion, and an amazing dancer. He and his wife were together a long time in a crazy industry. If you ever saw them together, he always looked like he only had eyes for her.

Yup Patrick was a good ole boy. He is back at the Roadhousegroovin' to Jeff Healey now..

RIP Swayze

Roy- 20 bucks?...Yes I agree with you. It's all a crock of crap.. I yearn for the good ol' days of MTV. Early 80s was the best. Wish they would have a 3 or 4 hour segment of any given day replayed regularly.

How's the Pipster?

Skippy- just checkin' t see if you were still alive. No activity on FB...How 'bout a profile pic of you and the Tele.

Ah poor sod, RIP P Swayze

Ibanezplyr - thanx for the TLB pics. I'm a big fan
burly - want to store any guitars or drums at my place for 20 years? ;-)

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze, I hope you had the time of your life

What's with summer dying? Autumn here, grey, rain, windchill.....

Vale Patrick Swayze, godspeed.

burly - hiya, I don't really use FB sorry, follow you on Twiter as you know, how's the duckies? I should get a pic of me an the Tele, just can't play it very well.

Beyonce tonight with the joeys yyiippee their 2nd concert, using Subtle Satchification I hope they end up at some Joe and Foot concerts with me in the coming years.