Sky are rumoured to be close to launching their own dedicated Scottish Channel later this month, and have previewed what they are intending to broadcast

Here's a selection of the listed programmes:

Sky Wan

9am News and whair it's pishin doon

9.30am How clairty is yer hoose?

This week the ladies pay a visit to a man whose wife shot the craw only three days ago to find the entire hoose under five inches of stoor and the cludgy honkin o' pish

10am The Mags Hainey Show

Early mornin chat show hosted by big Mags Hainey in which neds and sengas settle their petty differences by screaming obscenities and attacking each other with furniture for the amusement of the viewing public. This morning's episode is entitled "Whair's ma fuckin hoosekeepin money disappeared tae ya prick?"

12.30pm News and whair it's pishin doon

1pm Neeburs

Soap opera set in the village of Kinghorn in Fife . This week Archie accuses Morag of being in league with Lucifer and has her burned at the stake

2pm Film

Angels wi Manky Coupons

4pm Tam the Tank Engine

Tam goes aff the rails and the Fat Controller is chuffed tae bits

4.15pm Boab the Builder

Reality show where Boab is investigated by the Inland Revenue

6pm News and whair it's pishin doon

7pm Doaktir Whae

In this week's episode the Scottish time traveller takes the TARDIS back tae 1966 and breks Geoff Hurst's legs wae a sonic Glesca screwdriver

7.30pm Torn Faced Cockney wankers

Eastenders wi' subtitles. In tonight's episode, Pauline gets her jotters fae the steamie while the rest o' the cast stoat aboot wi' faces the length o' Leith Walk

9pm Fitba Player's Burds

Drama surrounding the players of fourth division Auchtermuchty Rovers and their off-pitch antics. This week Boaby is worried that the club is facing relegation while Moira is gettin baw deep from the Aberfeldy Academicals goalie

10pm News and whair it's pishin doon

12.30am Merrit Wi Weans

Re-make of the popular American sit-com 'Married With Children.' In this week's episode, Al sits in front o' the telly scratchin his baws while Peg is still chokin on her Nat King Cole

1.30am The Beechgrove Back-Green

The boys plans tae dae up a gairdin in Niddrie are scuppered when local neds fuck off wi the wheelbarra

Hey Everyone:

Chickenfoot at the Movies!? Awesome! I better reserve my tickets soon.

Mystical Robot: Happy Belated/20th Birthday Chip. What did you do to celebrate.

Skippygirl: Good day to ya down under. Can this get any better than this, besides the Chickenfoot movie? Maybe you can come to the U.S. and see Chickenfoot. AYE!

Cheese101 & Guitarmeister2005: Like Mother, Like Son. Hope you're both doing well.

Michelle: Hope things are going well with you and the family.

John4: Hey, welcome to the site. What are some of the songs you like from Joe? I enjoy all of them. The Live in Paris hopefully will be coming up soon (don't know when though). You going to see Chickenfoot at the movies?

js1200js1000: How's it going with you? CANADA EH!

TheHawkGuy - thanks for that link, guess I'll wait for the DVD of the movie and yes I'll have to see if I can get over to the States somehow (pray for a miracle) to see the band.

roy - hilarious!

Al - what was the final score? I love this little newswire snippet:

AFP reporter Justin Davis says: "The tiny green section of the stadium goes absolutely crazy. The French fans are already thinking of the nightmare scenario and fall ominously silent.

2033 GMT GOAL IRELAND! 33 mins Duff pulls the ball back for Keane who finds enough room in the middle of the French area penalty to slot the ball past Lloris.

fuck me i cant watch this