These are real answers from 16year old GCSE students this summer!!!

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K)

Q. Name the four seasons

A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink

A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans

A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on

A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. What are steroids

A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour

A. Keep it in the cow

Q. What is the fibula?

A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?

A. Nearby

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'

A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?

A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness

A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?

A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?

A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

WORRY

Is there a magic cutoff period when

Offspring become accountable for their own actions?

Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in The lives of their children and shrug, 'It's their life,' and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties , I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few Stitches in my daughter's head. I asked, 'When do you stop worrying?' The nurse said, 'When they get out of the accident stage.' My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties , I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher said, 'Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties , I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, 'they're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50 , I was sick & tired of being ulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it. My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life.

I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my dad's warm smile and his occasional, 'You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are You depressed about something?'

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, 'Where were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried.' I smiled a warm smile.

The torch has been passed..

PASS IT ON TO OTHER WONDERFUL PARENTS

(And also to your children. That's the fun)

Zinc Master- thanx for the posts, for the humor and the truths. It is a bit funny when the kids start worrying, this last weekend my husband and I stayed out late with friends and we didn't check in with the 17 year old. We caught all kinds of h-ll from him. Role reversal ......

Slanshroom- I did not know a vegan diet could be so dangerous if not approached correctly. I could never be that disciplined , anyway. Hope Joe follows up on your advice.

Peace Lily

I grew up in a hunting fishing out-doorsy every thing family. My hubby not so much but his family has farmland so they had land owner preference tags. The first few years we were married that tag helped feed us thru the winter. Few more years they put a corn field circle on the land , could not keep the deer out of it. Come hunting season my hubby goes out to hunt ......in the corn circle.

My hubby comes back from the hunt all disturbed. I figured he had no luck. So I ask. He says "Yes I got a deer., but I am not proud of it. It was just like shooting Bambi, it was so tame and it looked right at me with those big brown eyes . I will never shoot another deer."

And he hasn't