Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. As he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
After nearly jumping out of his skin, the thief clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I am just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me huh? Who the hell are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"
The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus..."
kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.
After recapturing the kangaroo, the zookeeper put up a ten-foot fence. Again the kangaroo was out the next morning, roaming around the zoo. So the fence was extended to twenty feet. But again the kangaroo was out the next morning.
Frustrated zoo officials built a fence forty feet high.
A camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How much higher do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet I guess -- unless somebody starts locking the gate!"
hehe Hugs Satriella xx
