Queen Satriella....yeah I like that Al ...thanks...

Oh dont forget to post a picture of your new skinhead look.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE

1930's, 1940's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a tin, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking ..

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a van - loose - was always great fun.

We drank water from the garden hosepipe and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cakes, white bread and real butter and drank pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no text messaging, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits/legal from these accidents

We played with worms(well most boys did) and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

Made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out any eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Local teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

I have one universal thing to say.......

BIG HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello Peeps....how ya doin...

had a bit of a scare yeserday....I thought my Mother-in-law might die in my chair...she is diabetic and almost went into a coma....her blood sugar level should be between 5 and 10....it dopped to 2.6...she was delerious and in and out of contiousness.....at 2.5 its coma time!

Oh my word...twas such a close and scary ting!

Hope everyone else is having a good time.....apart from that things are good here...

ovation1 - Satch boogie fom Pablo was great...but I prefer him doinghis own stuff....I am really into his album with his uncle Jimi at the moment....I just finished a drawing of Paul in his spaceship one outfit...er...OK with a little artistic (cheating) liscence!

http://entertainment.webshots.com/photo/2890409600084221824CklIhe

Well....I think today calls for more lounging around.... I could get used to this out of work lark!

Tee hee hee

Hugs to all

HughieT - G3 08 is not likely to be till the end of the year I would guess as his European covers May/June....then it will probably be the USA...

But hey....as Paul Gilbert is supporting Joe....thats G2.....so get your tickets for that while you wait for G3!

Daimer - sorry To hear you been in hospital ....hope all is well now and your guitar is once again picked up n loved!

Maximagnet - Get Well n Happy!

Question....anyone going to the London Guitar Show 2008....I got conflicting dates of March or June anyone got any inside info?

Hugs Satriella xx

Hi Joe....

Got any snow?

Oh i am a poet

and I didn't even know it!

Jeepers texting can be annoying when they don't arrive for days....grrrrrr

Hope everyone is well rested and full of fun!

oh my word......wow :-)

a new Joe album...YAY

a new Paul Gilbert album....DOUBLE YAY!!!!

Joe and Paul touring

TOGETHER!!!!

TRIPLE YAY!!!!!!!!

Did I die and go to heaven?????????????

Paul says.....

New Guitar Instrumental album coming soon. It's being mixed now and... It ROCKS.

Well he would say that wouldn't he....but you can bet your bottom dollar he is right.....

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

can't wait....

its a race

its a race

who will get their album out first?

Paul or Joe

Joe or Paul

Joe and Paul on the same day????

naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...LOL

boingy

boingy

bounce

bounce

Come on Ovation1....I know you are just as excited! Thanks for checking out my new Paul drawing....

boune with me!!!!! LOL

boingy

boingy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maxi - Call me...text me...email me...especially if you are down and you need a pep up! I am here for you if you need me OK!

Anyone got any....

I am going to or not going to in 2008's?

I got one....

I am going Rock my socks off in 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Hi Joe....

Hey David Gilmour is 61 and still loves playing his guitar and gigging....

I think you will be the same....have you ever wanted to play guitar with someone like him?

I just finished drawing a picture of him that I saw on billboard in London after I had just seen Paul Gilbert play....I thought it was such a great picture, coz you can just see the love of his guitar on his face....

http://entertainment.webshots.com/photo/2584082340084221824CjYjhq

awwww...there is no retirement age for the music business is there ....as long as you can stand...er....well no....you don't even have to stand with a guitar do you....hehe

Oh my word....to change the subject I was watching the hundred funniest rock videos yesterday and this one came on from Aerosmith....oh my word its the freakiest thing I have ever seen...dont know about funny...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLRLhV9U0kQ

there was a lot of Foo fighters stuff in there...my word you gotta admire Dave Grohl....I mean the man plays just about every instrument....he is very funny too....He has been in Nirvana, Killing Joke, Queens of the Stoneage, Foo Fighters....helped lots of other bands too...like Tenacious D...actually the number one video was Foo Fighters..Low...in which Dave and Jack do a kinda home video in a motel!

I would say Tibute by Tenacious D is funnier myself!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Grohl

What's the funniest rock video for you?

Hugs Satriella xx

Well hello there...howz all?

SteveeT - when you say.... life....is that ....life, don't talk o me about life I am depressed....or Life....life is great!

if its the good one...then great...you should be proud...especially of the music you make...

If its the bad one...I am sorry to hear you are down and I am thinking of you and playing your album...coz its great!

wasp2020 - Wow thats a great speed drawing of Joe...thanks for the link....wish I could draw em that quick LOL wonder how long it really took?

Do the Stu - Welcome back....er....3 rows in 3rd from the left?

Cosmic-ape - Welcome back...er....where did you go again? Snow? Snow? whats that then.....I tell you its been pretty warm here...for winter I mean.

Michelle - you gotta admit he looks freaky though.....I mean at the best of times he does....but with a skinny womans body on him......phew....its just FREAKY!

Ovation1 - Thanks again for checking out the drawings....silly computer doesn't really do em justice....thats why I want to take the REAL drawings when I meet Joe at Hammersmith....get him to sign his favourite one.....yeah Paul is a lot of fun....but then so is Joe...remember the silly moustache and french accent....and the pod-casts...now they weree pretty silly....Jeff and Mick are a laf a minute too....so I don't think Joe really needs any lessons on fun....but I can imagine that with the two teams together its gonna be a real lugh for all of them on the tour!

Maximagnet - That butterfly is absolutely AMAZING!

JOE......love yaz to bits....can't wait to see you again and again and again in May....thank you so much for coming over to Europe first this time....

What will the new year bring ?????

....life...love...happiness...sadness...boingyness ...gig...a job....LOL

JOE AND PAUL....

YAY!!!!!

thevaleguitarist -Hey Dan....yes I came to your gig....stonkin it was too....had a great time...and you did a medley of Joe tunes for me before the gig started which was great....you are a fantastic guitarist! Come over and see me at Hammersmith...i will be in the front rows somewhere as I have prem tickets...you can text me if you like 07743 040453!....say hi to warren for me....how did it go supporting supergrass?

the_beatrix_kiddo - Yes you get tickets with the prem package in the UK.....I will be at the Cardiff gig too...not sure how to get there myself....just google it...thats what I have done...anyway make sure you come and see me to say Hi and have a hug...if I am not too boingy that is!....as above you can text me if you like when you get there.

HADI BB - Hey ....hope you have a great 2008 and maybe get to see Joe?

KTZA - 5 hours and 30 minutes for what?

Amirk - Parting is such sweet sorrow....yes indeed...but I am sure you will see them again...and you got some great memories in the meantime while you wait...chin up sweety.

SteveeT - Yes indeedy...life sure can be a challenge...glad you got some hope to hold on to though...hugs and thoughts out to you sweety!

Mari - YAY Hi honey...good to see you on the board and good to know your life is so good now....you deserve it!

wasp2020 - Oh my word ...that was attrocious! How to ruin a great song in 10 seconds!...those hands should be locked up!!!!

to all those we haven't seen on the board in a while....

we salute you and miss you!

Hugs ya muchly Satriella xx

its 4am...and no-one in the chat....whats going on?

LOL

Cosmic-ape - Oh cool...yeah isn't ecuador on the equator....bound to be hot hot hot there! Anywhere will fee cold after that LOL....you will soon adjust though...us humans are pretty good at that!

Stevee T - I shall bring boingy bounciness to 2008....what shall you bring?

Phyrdom - good to see you back...cyber hugs to you!

mikesb - I think your humour sucks and your jokes are rotten.....haha thats my sense of humour.....lubs ya really! Room for one more than zen in canada? LOL

punkdude75 - welcome back dude!!!

HAHA reminds me of finding Nemo....I am definately Dory!

hey Joe...how ya doing this fine 2008?

Hugs ya muchly Satriella xx

Hi Joe!

Please? Pweety Pweeze?

Ovation1 - The only trouble is that I am little worried about having to carry the drawings around....I will be training it in from Epping on the last leg of my Joe and Paul Tour, plus of course having them with me as I am rocking out at the gig...and getting back on the train the next day... if they get ruined I will cry like a baby! Er you know about the poster of my stuff he has already signed dont you?

Oh my word though...can't wait to hear Pauls new stuff....I think I got everything he has doneish now...apart from the instructional DVD's...no point as I cant play! If you know of any other CD's etc I can get...let me know!

Bearman35 - Barrie...you changed your name didn't you? I think...maybe? Weren't you Plum Loco? Welcome Back anyway!

Slanshroom - Dont forget to include the picture of you covered in sick! LOL

SteveeT - Have you already made a start on that?

js1200js1000 - Nice chatting with you...haha.....sorry I didn' t realize who you were! Hope you got your computer sorted!

DeathcubeK - Hey...I just remembered.....still waiting for that CD you promised me 2 years ago?

what ever happened to:

Cuthbert1776, Kayla, Captain Steve, 962, Guitarmeister, Master Yoda, peaceandguitars, jaycee, Delfino Pie, FabLawyer of SBM, mthead101, Suzie and Lucy, Badmamajama, Bahduh, civgeek, DCSlater, fretrider, do the Stu, TheForgottenBoy, tulsachops, HrHFish, gruskada...etc..

Well there ya go guys....you are gone but not forgotten!

Now comes the part where someone from the past will post and say..."what about me!"

Sorry if I forgot anyone!

FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR TO: All Employees DATE: October 01, 2005 RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the office Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the Chief shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £5 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for Chester House! The Chief will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

******************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR TO: All Employees DATE: October 02, 2005 RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

******************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR TO: All Employees DATE: October 03, 2005 RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table. You didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that £5 is too much money and executives believe £5 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty ****************************** FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR To: All Employees DATE: October 04, 2005 RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea about the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, yes, this is allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR TO: All F****** Employees DATE: October 05, 2005 RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pr**ks - I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your ******* salad bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The B**** from H***!!!!!!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Head of HR DATE: October 06, 2005 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.' 'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.

The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.

The word “set” has more definitions than any other word in the English language.

'Underground' is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters 'und.'

There are only four words in the English language which end in'-dous' tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.

The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwenuakitanatahu, a New Zealand hill.

Los Angeles’s full name is 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula' and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, 'L.A.'

There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, 'therein' the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.

The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti. The name for Oz in the 'Wizard of Oz' was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence 'Oz.'

‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

To 'testify' was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.

The combination 'ough' can be pronounced in nine different ways.The following sentence contains them all 'A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.'

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning 'containing arsenic.'

The word 'Checkmate' in chess comes from the Persian phrase 'Shah Mat,' which means 'the king is dead'.

Q - What's the best sound you can make with a guitar? A - A splash.

Q - How many guitar players does it take to wallpaper a room? A - Three, if you slice them thin enough.

Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund? A - One matures.

Q - What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend? A - Homeless

Q - How does a guitar player change a light bulb? A - He lies on the bed so that the room is spinning around it.

Q - How does a guitar player show up for practice? A - Drunk and late......... as usual

Q - How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ? A - Evidently all of them.

Q - What is the definition of a minor second? A - Two lead guitarists playing in unison.

Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter? A - Put sheet music in front of him.

Q - How do you make him stop? A - Put notes on it.

Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ? A - His amplifier.

Q - What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A - Counterpoint.

Q - What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A - Pick on someone your own size!

Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul? A - Depends on how far you throw it.

Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners? A - So the rest of the band can understand them.

Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch? A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.

Q - How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ? A - Pay for the pizza.

Q - What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ? A - "Will the defendant please rise ..."

Q - In the 22nd century, how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source ?

A - Five, one to actually do it and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.

Q - What's the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish? A - You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish ..

Q - How do you know when the stage is level? A - The guitarist is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Q - What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the PLO? A - You can negotiate with the PLO.

Two guys were walking down the street, One was destitute, The other was a guitarist as well.

Q - How do you make a guitarist's eyes light up? A - Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage? A - The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Q - What type of fish makes your guitar sound better? A - A tuner-fish.

Q - What's the difference between an extra large pizza and a guitarist? A - None, they both can't feed a family of four.

Q - What do you get when you cross Yngwie with an octopus? A - A guy that can play a Steve Vai transcription!

Q - What do you call a stressed guitar player? A - Strung out!

Q - What's worse than telling jokes about guitarists? A - Laughing at 'em.

Q - What did the guitarist say to his crying guitar? A - Don't fret!

Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund? A - One matures.

Q - What's the best thing to play on an acoustic guitar? A - Solitaire.

Q - What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on? A - He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

Q - What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common. A - Both suck when you plug them in.

Q - How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison? A - Shoot One.

Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a Porsche? A - Most musicians have never been a Porsche.

Q - How does a lead guitarist change a light bulb? A - He holds it and the world revolves around him.

Q - Why bury guitar players 6 feet under? A - Because deep down, they're all very nice people!

Q - What's the difference between a fiddle & a violin? A - Who cares - neither one's a guitar!

Q - Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? A - So they can park in the handicapped spot.

Q - What's the difference between an Electric Guitar and an onion ? A - No one cries when you cut up an Electric Guitar.

Q - What's the difference between a Electric Guitar and a trampoline ? A - You remove your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

Q - What is a "nerd" ? A - Someone who owns an Classical Guitar

Q - What's the difference between a lawn mower and an Electric Guitar? A - You can tune a lawn mower.

Q - How many Electric Guitar players does it take to change a light bulb ? A - Five, One to change it and four to discuss how Eric Clapton would have done it.

Q - How do you make a chain saw sound like an Electric Guitar ? A - Add vibrato.

Q - What is a gentleman ? A - Someone who knows how to play Heavy Metal Music but doesn't.

Q - What's the range for an Electric Guitar ? A - About 20 yards if you have a good arm.

Q - How do you tell if an electric guitar is out of tune ? A - If the strings are vibrating.

Q - Why is an electric guitar like a SCUD missile ? A - Each is offensive and inaccurate.

Q - What's the difference between an Electric Guitar player and a dog ? A - The dog knows when to stop Howling.

Q - What's the difference between a Electric Guitar and an Acoustic Guitar? A - The Electric Guitar burns longer.

If you took all the Electric Guitar Players in the world and laid them end-to-end, it would be a heck of a good idea.

Q - If you drop an Electric Guitar Player and a watermelon off a tall building, which would hit the ground first ? A - Who cares ?

Q - What is the first sign your Hallucinating? A - Two electric guitar players are playing in tune.

Q - What do you call in "in-tune electric guitar"? A - An oxymoron.

Q - What do you call a "Clean Shot"? A - When you can throw an electric guitar into the toilet without hitting the seat.

Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a certificate of deposit? A - The certificate of deposit will eventually mature and make money.

Q - How can you tell if there is a guitarist at the door? A - He knocks out of time, and comes in too early.

Three guitarists collaborated on a book of scales. Each contributed the one he knew.

Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a fluorescent tube? A - Three, One to change it and the other two to tell him how much better incandescent bulbs are.

Q - What's the difference between a Stratocaster and a Les Paul? A - A Stratocaster burns hotter; a Les Paul burns longer.

Q - What are the two most frequent heavy metal guitarist lies? A - 1. I am not too loud! 2. I have already turned down!

Q - How can you tell if you're talking to a good guitarist? A - He doesn't claim to be a bad-ass.

Q - How many electric guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? A - Two, but they stand so close to each other you'd swear they were going to kiss.

Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out....

Q - How do you make an electric guitar sound like an acoustic guitar ? A - Sit in back and don't play.

Q - What is a stripper's favorite instrument? A - A guitar -- the G string is thinner.

Q - What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend? A - Homeless.

Q - What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common? A - You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.

Q - What would a guitarist do if he won a million dollars? A - Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

Q - How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? A - 5, One to change the bulb, and four to say "I could have done better than that"

Q - How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? A - None. They just steal somebody else's light!

Q - Why do guitar players leave their capos on their dashboards? A - So they can park in the handicapped spaces!

Q - What's the range of a Fender Strat? A - Depends on how far you throw it.

Why guitars are better than women:

You can share your Guitar with your friends.

Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played

Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.

Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.

Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.

Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.

Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.

Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.

Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.

You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

A bloke walks into a shop and asks for a 50 watt Marshall amplifier and a Fender Stratocaster guitar.The shop assistant says "Excuse me sir, but you're a drummer aren't you?". The man says "How could you tell?"."Well this is a laundrette" says the assistant.

Johnny says to his mum: "I want to be a drummer when I grow up."Mom: "But Johnny, you can't do both."

A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a burger,fries, and a large coke." The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!" The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke."

A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"

The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."

What happens if you play blues music backwards? Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone? "I didn't wake up this morning..."

Hi Joe....Can't wait for the new album....thans for doing anoter one....are you going to do those lil podcast things like you did last year so we get a taste of each new song...they were so great!!!!

please do them again if you get time!

Jeepers I am ill....but had a fantastically great day in London a couple of days ago...I love it...Camden is a great place to look around! I was on a mission to buy some MR laces for my daughter...bt they could not befound....but I got a couple of guitar charm thingys. Turns out my friends brother lives a couple of minutes walk from where I saw Billy Talent too!

Ovation1 - aaaaaaaaaaaagh Oh my word....thanks fo that...dont you know he is right when he says:

The album features 11 new tracks of my most ferocious, emotional, musical, and creative guitar playing ever. If I had to use one word to the describe the new album... well, that would be impossible. And actually, so is most of the guitar playing. But above all, my goal was to make the album ROCK so I can have more good tunes to add to my LIVE show.

Oh my word....I just cant wait to see him....3 times...YES!!!!!!

Cool new pictures etc...this is cool...dont cha just love everything paul does....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9QL0Jkb_GU&feature=related

Thanks for the listing....yep got all except the Tribute to Jimi Hendrix EP....oh update...just ordered the Yellow Matter Custard double CD n DVD....gotta be good with Mike Portnoy, Paul Gilbert, Matt Bisonette and Neal Morse!

excited!!!!!!

Dan thevaleguitarist - hey yeah...a load of usmet in the Trout pub over the road last time....I would offer you a lift to the gig...but i will be coming frm cardiff! Text me nearer the time though! Ten words is great by the way...I like your own twist to it!

ibanezguitars - I suck at guitar too....so what are you good at?

Wooleyman - you mean if steveet does another album surely?

njbeast - less of that thinking Mr....its not good for you LOL

Clarky - Oh my word yes I remember that....its gonna be in my head all day....but I cant remember who it was by....nooooooooo thanks for making my life hell.....oh well at least its not Grandma we love you......Oh No...thats in my head now...what did i say that for!

alexandrecaetano - Awww shame...woul hav been lovely to meet you!

Bigbunny - trouble is I have about 50 if you include steve and Paul and mike, jeff, dave...etc! I already have them in plastic wallets in a ringbinder though.....dont worry...webmater is slow but he gets there in the end...took nearly two years for mine remember

Joe Satrini - What about you? KIDDING!....I like the double up options....beating tool and air guitar...hmmmmm

slanshroom - dont you worry ....there is much worse to come......mwhahahahahaha!

Phyrdom - Hugs to yaz mate....hang on in there!

Gotta have Joe - YAY....again I say ...YAY....welcome back girl....where ya bin? You had us all worried :-)

Hugs ya muchly Satriella xx

hi Joe

Hey how do ya feel about judging othr guitar players?

Ten finalists battled for the international title of "Guitar Hero" at Guitar Player’s Guitar Hero 2007 competition Friday, October 12 at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco. All ten tremendously talented players were roundly applauded by celebrity judges Joe Satriani, Steve Lukather, Nuno Bettencourt, Elliot Easton, Greg Howe, and Mike Varney.

The ten finalists – representing a wide range of guitar styles including Latin Shred, Rockabilly, Country and Rock – were: Jamie Robinson (Toronto, Ontario), Juan Coronado (Whitby, Ontario) Tony Smotherman (Jacksonville, Florida), Taka Minamino (Hollywood, CA ), Danny B. Harvey (Canyon Country, CA), Curtis Fornadley (Playa Del Rey, CA), Casey Harshbarger (Indianapolis, Indiana), Ladd Smith (Nashville, Tennessee) , Les Robot (real name: Cory Melnychuk) (Edmonton, Alberta),

and Chris Peters (Orlando, Florida).....otherwise known as

OCPS470

haha well done that man!....did you get to speak to Joe....were you really nervous.....what did you play?

Slanshroom - haha thats not whatI meant...but it was funny anyway...I meant worse from the kid!

HADI BB - It's always great to meet other talk to joers, we one big family!

Ovation1 - Have you got it already? Doyou know anythingbout that Tribute to Hendrix EP.....has it got the same on it as on Hotel Gilbert oris there more to it?

ibanezguitars - Awwww you must be good at something..bein understanding and supportive for one...er...two!

Gotta Run..oh hey watch this...two people playin one guitar!

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John . Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while theOB ? says, 'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar . Calm down and push. 'Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause', the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex'? Yeah right. Bite me.

Hi Joe

Hey did you ever wish you could have been on the Muppet Show?

Roffler - Speaking of Muppets...Buddy Rich V Animal....doncha just love Animal's face in this!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=erE8WTngaAY&feature=related

Slanshroom - lmho yeah we are well know for positivity!

bluebuffalo - lmho concentration to pee......hahahaha....very submissive....thank us for all we DO to you and for YOU...now that brings up a picture in my mind!

canchito - Lust for life!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=NWHFS_X8OzI

Dont cha just love Iggy!

Jordancrosby - welcome to the joe board…song tips eh....just say whats in your heart at the time....simple!

Ktza - nice to see you last night.....hahahahaha...the hulk!

WhammyFreak - Having just spent the day in Camden, London...most of it looking for MCR shoe laces for my daughter....I know you can get pants like that there!

Joe Satrini - lots and lots of interviews....two yesterday, two today, one on monday and one on Thursday so far! and about five in the pipeline...But no job just yet! Congrats on the promotion to your lady!

danny k - Hey congratulation on the Van Halen Tribute band spot! Cool! Hope the gig goes well tonight at Braxx....let us know how it went!

OCPS470 - I know what you mean about being a perfectionist....its a bummer coz you never feel like you got it right! But hey you must have done something right to be there in the first place! .....Oh my word playing for Joe though...just watched ya....nice work!!! very nice work!!!!! Awww you look like you didn't know what to do with yourself when you finished though...you should have lapped up the applause ...you deserved it! Well done!

Ovation1 - Welll there are some very odd titles there....norwegian cowbell...the mind bogles...haha....glad about the email addy being in there! LOL aaaaaaaaaaagh cant wait!

dont cha just love his dress sense...I just love his humour!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A601XJ98-T0&feature=related

I ain't got you but I stompin I stompin....or should I say bouncin with my weapon! LOL

Oh my word....gotta go for a job interview....look at the time..

Hugs ya muchly all

Satriella xx

Hi joe,

I guess I could do the same if I was a full time artist.

mikesb - Ok you tell your wife you got the guitar for her so she can join in with you, when she says she can't you say "oh well I better have it then"

Slanshroom - The yukky thing is he has got that I am after sex look in his eye.....eyeeeeeewwwwwww!

NOT SEXY!!!!!!

WhammyFreak - just look up punk trousers on google...that should do the trick...go to somewhere like www.attitude.uk.com that has quite a few brands or redhaze.co.uk or blackrose.co.uk...or obviously find one that is in your country if you can.

___________________________________________

Well its interviews galore...got offered a job on Friday to start today but it would be a complete nightmare....I would be office admin manager...but the place is a mess....said I would let them know by the end of the week.

I am hopeful to get a job on Wednesday...it turns out to be an old friend of mines job...she is moving up north ...she wants me to have the job so its just a matter of wether the bosses like me at the interview, its good pay and my own big office too!

oh HOPE HOPE HOPE!!!!!!!!

got another interview in an hour so I better go get ready!

Yeah I think AC/DC got away with it and a lot more besides!

YAY....I like fluffy kittens...they are so soft!

My friend came round for dinner last night who's job I am being interviewed for...

If I get this job it will be the job I have wanted since I left school!

Its just a dream come true!

Interview tomorrow....just as long as the boss likes me it should be fine and mine!

Oh my word biggest boingyness day ever!

I GOT THE JOB THAT I HAVE WANTED SINCE I WAS AT SCHOOL...A LONG LONG TIME AGO!

bounce

bounce

bounce

boingy boingy

this is where I will be working!

http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/2985007660084221824BziuaW

Last window on the right!

bounce

bounce

bounce

boingy boingy

£2 an hour better pay than most places round here and what I was getting!

bounce

bounce

bounce

boingy boingy

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

Will start officially 3rd of March but will go in the week before that as well.

bounce

bounce

bounce

boingy boingy

Pinch me pinch me....this has to be a dream!

Of course being Joe's PA/Secretary would be better....

Joe....any offers???? LOL

But if I can't have a job with Joe...then this is next best...great people, great office, great pay, fantastic 10 minute journey to work with the valley and the winding river to my right....

oh my word....I can't believe it!

bounce

bounce

bounce

boingy boingy boingy boingy spring!

Of course, I did say that I had to have time off for my Joe and Paul gigs otherwise I couldn't accept the job, but thankfully that was OK as I get 20 days holiday a year anyway!

bounce

bounce

bounce

boingy boingy

Thanks to ibanezguitars, Mikesb, Slanshroom, duffnotes, campbell and Michelle for the well wishes and thinking of me...I appreciate the sentiments greatly!

oh...........my..........word!!!!!!!!

Sorry to be so bouncy Cheese101....it must be annoying for you when you have obviously just had a raw deal from someone you trusted.....real sorry to hear that sweety...big cyber hug for you...what can I say except, try not to dwell on it, coz you are only allowing them to hurt you even more...don't give em the satisfaction girly...do a bit of bouncing with me instead!

Hugs to all

Satriella xx

PS..........................

Comablack - No he wont marry you.....he has to marry me first!....get in the queue mister!!!! LOL

cosmic_ape - when you say got your tickets for BB King....do you mean the club or the person?

Ovation1 - just got my CD and DVD of Yellow Matter Custard....they are great...especially While my guitar gently weeps....you may have posted this...but its always worth lookin at again....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9QL0Jkb_GU

its weird that my CD collection is mostly, (Steve Vai) Joe Satriani, Dream Theatre and Paul Gilbert....and here are three people together in one band that are connected to them all...if you see what I mean. Fantastic and well worth getting! I m pretty sure that you introduced me to YMC ...so thanks for that! Portnoy says at one point in the DVD that Paul basically knos how to play everything and I believe him...he is amazing! Did you ever see that Japaneze quiz show he did?

Cant find it on you tube...but found this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2zXMR2yc8E

Awww just love him!

Hi Guys and Gals...my fellow satchaholics annonymous!

at last the guitar show site has something on it!

http://www.londonguitarshow.co.uk/

For those who can't be bothered to look....you did the right thing coz all it tells you at the moment is 12th-15th June at the ExCel.

Who's going?

MikeSb ...All out guitar gonna be there this year? I have just texted Ed, but no reply yet, what about you?

Joe......howz about you taking Steve's place for the Masterclass this year?

Please....hmmm guess you too busy gigging...OK...maybe next year then LOL.

Oh my word...Netty....my friend....is moving to Newcastle....its her job I will be taking....she said I could stay with her if ever I wanted to go to a gig up thre....

O sooooo tempting....Joe and Paul are gonna be there the Tuesday before I see em from the sunday onwards....

Do I wanna makie it four gigs....aaaaaaaaaaaaagh decisions decisions!

ooooo just finished my Joe Drawings 2008 calendar....I just gonna send it to a fellow T2Jer n see if its OK..much computer stuff is messin me about dis mornin!

But if it works OK and you want me to email you one....just let me know!

Although f I remember rightly last year...the file was too big to email and thats why I printed em off and sent em....but my printer is really naff this year!

Cheese101 - Are you OK?....thinking of you

thanks to te following stars for the congrats....I appreciate your well wishes:

Michelle
Slanshroom
Keniko
Campbell
Mikesb
AmikK
Hadi BB (yes I do like KH)
Cosmic Ape
ibanezguitars
cuthbert1776 - Oh my word...where have you been........oh wait....1 year old son...yep that says it all LOL....yes enjoy every second coz its gone quick and before you know it ...yes....thats where I am....they are driving your car and you mad! good to see yaz back on the board!

grrrrr I hate pop ups!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway.....till next time

boingy

boingy

bounce

bounce

signing out