YAY!!

Paul Gilbert says....

In between my very busy touring schedule, I managed to make another new CD! I will announce more details about this soon. Let me just say that it will blow your mind when you hear it!

Oh YES Mr Gilbert.....I am sure it will.....

Sad to See that Mike Szuter is not on tour with him at the moment though....GUTTED!!! I expect he is doing stuff with his own band Magna-Fi...although Craig Martini used to play with Mike's old band...

Still i love Mike...you can so tell he is a front man in another band....he just LOVES to perform...he is so outgoing on stage...well and off when I met him to be honest....

ah well only 3 weeks to go and I will see what this Craig Martini is like....

At last I have uploaded my pictures from following Joe in May....

http://community.webshots.com/album/568371582GblkvL

Enjoy...there are some great ones...

Eat your heart out Mari LOL

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker's.

10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

12. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

Hello there satchaholicus peeps!

Goldengirl2 - Hello and thanks for the message

Brittanysdaddy - Hello.. you have to be in with the threesome in-crowd to get an answer on here, if your not in, you dont get answered, but hey, we are officially here to talk to Joe, so dont take it too personal.

Joe Satrini - you holidaying in USA?

Alexandre - Life is levelling out....kinda...thanks for asking! Hope the shop/business is booming and the gigs are plentiful!

CappySteve - Hows the head....either from the hangover or from the beating you got for getting too drunk on holiday LOL Happy Holiday....

cheese101 - How are you....are you recovered....Any new men on the horizon?

Oh my god these are weird....

freaky....

especially 1.15 mins in.....eyewwwww!

http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=yjPudH8RxTE&feature=related

enjoy...or not

The UK's top 10 most ridiculous British laws were listed as:

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (27%)

2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen's image upside-down (7%)

3. It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store (6%)

4. Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned(5%)

5. If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter (4%)

6. In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet (4%)

7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen (3.5%)

8. It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing (3%)

9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour

What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need.

$o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Justin

----------------------------------------------

Dear Justin,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

More Thoughts

Life is sexually transmitted.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you £500.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you £0.30?

In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

We know exactly where one cow with Foot and Mouth disease is located among the millions of cows in Britain, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

'Life is like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow'.

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

What Money can do for you!

It can buy a House But not a Home It can buy a Bed But not Sleep

It can buy a Clock But not Time

It can buy a Book

But not Knowledge

It can buy a Position But not Respect

It can buy Medicine But not Health

It can buy Blood But not Life

It can buy Sex But not Love ______________

Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering...

So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.

I ACCEPT CASH, MONEY ORDERS, PERSONAL CHECKS, CASHIERS CHECKS, BAGS OF GOLD, BARS OF PLATINUM, ETC.

Hi Joe!

giltzman.....what are Jalapenos anyway?

Only intelligent people can read the following!

Murphy's lesser known laws

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, on a hill, in the fog, and 9 times out of 10, they'll have Texas plates on their car....

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Cappy Steve - You make me smile too! But you never have explained why you have a lisp and say Satchiella instead of Satriella....maybe I should call you Crappy Steve...or Cappy Satrieve...hehe just joking!

Glitzman - Aha thanks for the explanation...so they are just the same as Chili's...I see...Things in the Uk are rainy, just hoping its not raining on Friday as I will start queing to see Paul Gilbert at about 4pm for doors open at 7pm and I don't wanna get wet, although it will be worth it to stand right in front of him again its the bestist place to be coz there is no barrier or anything, last time I could have played his guitar for him...I did have to watch my head sometimes though as Mikey nearly clocked me with the head of his guitar on a number of occasions!

Goldengirl2 - ??? er gem...er....would you like to explain coz I am a little lost?? Hey why the name...I used to watch a program called the Golden Girls?

Hugs to all

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left hand side there is a valley and on your right hand side there is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you there is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you there is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Cappy Steve - I c! Cant say that I had noticed you change anyone elses.....Thatchiella....hahahahahaha LOL....LMHO!

Hey...never bow...be yourself not what others want you to be....Although there is room for a little compromise...most people I know want me to keep my name....But I love Paul & Joe so Satriella Gilbert it is!

zinc - hahaha very true....we always know...although I think you could change mother to women! It just baffles me that men think you dont know when they are lying through their teeth....having a problem with that myself at the moment...

Slanshroom - What do you mean you are working on me?

I can't feel anything?

-----------------------------------------------------------

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl named Mary stopped beside him on her new shiny bike.

"Nice bike" the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk

Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.

Nope, no more booze for me.

Sorry, but you're not really my type.

No kebab for me, thank you.

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

I'm not interested in fighting you.

Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.

No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination.

Captain Stevicus - Oh right on.....good changes....Satchiella it is then!

Slanshroom - ??????? you lost me....what are you working on again....obviously an on-going thing?

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The updated birds and bees story for all those new parents out there.....

Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male.

MJS99 - I like those...they were funny!

Slanshroom - Well you will have to be a good boy till then if you wanna get what you want!

Cosmic_ape - Have a good time...

Maritime - Have some more!

ANAGRAMS

George Bush is an anagram of He bugs Gore

Dormitory is an anagram of Dirty Room

Evangelist is an anagram of Evil's Agent

Desperation is an anagram of A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code is an anagram of Here Come Dots

Slot Machines is an anagram of Cash Lost in em

Animosity is an anagram of Is No Amity

Mother-in-law is an anagram of Woman Hitler

Snooze Alarms is an anagram of Alas! No More Z's

Decimal Point is an anagram of I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes is an anagram of That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two is an anagram of Twelve plus one

President Clinton of the USA is an anagram of To copulate he finds intern

This may come in handy someday.

Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are home, call someone on your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the other person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

-----------------------------------------------------------------

We have a huge council house in our street.

The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs.

Her car isn't taxed or insured, and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

Her bad tempered old man is famous for upsetting foreigners with racist comments.

A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proven yet.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always seen out in nightclubs.

The family's odd antics are always in the papers. They are out of control...

Honestly - who'd live near Windsor Castle?

_____________________________________________

FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen

When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed. When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude. When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping. When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around. When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick. When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.

When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Thoughts of the week

Cappy Steve - LMHO LMHO!!!!! If only it were true!!

Hey hey Hey....

pictures from seeing Paul Gilbert at the Astoria!

http://entertainment.webshots.com/album/568721334eUNYAc

videos still to do....inc long bit of mouth playing in tribute to mitch/hendrix...awwwwwsum jeff solo and penty o paul!

Cant believe it...I was rocking out so much...it was noticed by a roadie who gave me a pic, the merch lady who gave me a pic and another roadie who gave me the sign from Pauls dressing room door!

Glad to say Paul was very happy that I had changed my name and informed me that yes he got the bag of goodies at Cardiff!

hugs satriella xx

PS - SLANSH - always knew yu was a baaaad boy LOL

Joe Satrini - Welcome Back....and yes for real...name change!