That wallet thing really happened to me...........nah!!!

The Dead Duck

A woman brought a very-limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled-out his stethoscope, and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly, and said, "I'm so sorry, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned-around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top-to-bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes, and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat.

The cat jumped-up on the table, and sniffed-delicately at the bird from head-to-foot. The cat then sat-back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman, and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said... this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill... which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. " £150", she cried, " £150 just to tell me my duck is dead!!

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20.... but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, are in California . Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them & wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looks him over, "Nope."

A frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW??"

Margaret looks up and says, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope", she replies.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"

To which Margaret replies...."Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."