jeez - I went to see Lord Of The Ring Piece..... discusting film... all that gay sex... I've never seen anything like it... I was horrified... and to think that all the kids are raving about it..... what is this world coming too.....

Mr Nick - why wait... I was in my local darts team at 14 and a barman at 16..... get yer finger out boysie.... get down the local cattle market, get lashed up, dance like a mong and fail misserably to trap off with every girlie in the place.... sling up your large donner with extra chilli sause all over the cab on the way home and finally pass out slumped over next doors gate [so that you can be discovered in the morning when your mother / wife / girlfriend <delete where applicable> comes outside to collect the milk / post / newspaper].. if you do manage to trap off with a girlie and she's drunk enough to let you bang her stupid in trap 2 of the mens bog, dump her outside her parents house in a shopping trolley [mortally drunk, unconcious and mostly naked], ring the door bell and run like crazy.....

If you've not done all of this by the ripe old age of 15 then I must speak on behalf of all English males... "you're not pulling your weight.. so get your finger out.. get in there and shame the family name"....

jeez... kidz of today... to much playstation and TV that's what I think....

Ethn - Being a true red blooded Englishman, I have to decline all responcibility for my behaviour past, present and for which I am yet to get in trouble over.... I therefore blame my parents....

And when I was standing in line waiting expectantly to be mesmarised by a cinematic epic, I had no idea that it would be three hours of gay Orc porn with elves.... lol lol lol

Nick - one night??? only one night??? haha... this IS reality...

dude you need help.... and being a particularly fine example of everything that women hate about men I can guide you back onto the true path to manhood... [and don't let the soft pinko liberals and lefties make you stray from the path...]

50% of your cure will be in admitting to yourself that you are in fact exactly 'that type of person' at a genetic level.... from there, simply allow nature to run it's course....

then when you wake up in a cell on Sunday morning down the local 'Old Bill' shop as a result of a drunken riot after the football [in my case Millwall FC - being a good god fearing SE Londoner], you'll have that warm feeling inside that you have crossed the line into manhood and that you have gained acceptance from the tribal elders [that should be laying on the floor next to you in the same cell barfing up].....

If our youth start going 'round being nice to people, clean living and polite... then we may as well dump Sterling and join in with the Europeans....

anyways.... it's Xmas eve... and the season of good will to all... so to celebrate the birth of our saviour [which I'm sure was born in September - but then, you can't argue with the Pope now can you] I'll be going home now via the pub to get totally shit-faced drunk, have a good fight in the car park and screw someone elses wife on the way home.....

Nick - That pic is cruel and offensive.... I'd never do that to a beer glass... lol

It is worthwhile.... stick with it dude..

Theory Posse – it’s been a long time, but thanx to a gentle nudge from Jblaze [and a small window of calm in my schedule] here’s a little look at some modulation examples using chord V7… Although much of this stuff has origins from 17th century harmony, it can been successfully utilised in rock, metal, jazz, ballads, etc to add a little more colour especially when linking different sections of music together… i.e. a middle 8 / solo section being in a different key to the rest of the song…

The basic ‘rule of thumb’ when modulating via chord V7 is to figure out what the V7 chord is of the target key [i.e. V7 of C = G7, V7 of Em = B7, V7 of D = A7 etc].
Take a look at the notes available in the key that you are currently in. This is to determine if any of the notes that make up your ‘target’ V7 are there.
i.e. If the target key = Am, the target V7 therefore = E7 - notes = E, G#, B, D, and if you are currently in the key of Em (E, F#, G, A, B, C, D) then the notes E, B and D are there. This means that you have the choices of root, second and third inversions available for the ‘target’ chord V7. This also means that you have a choice of chords in the current key [any that contain an E, a B or a D] that you can use to create the ‘target’ V7 with.

To make everything more obvious, I’ve shown the chord that gets modified into the ‘target’ V7… In practice, playing the ‘unmodified’ chord before the ‘target’ V7 does not always have to happen - you can sometimes go straight to the ‘target’ V7… it’s a matter of what you think sounds best at the time.

So here are a few simple ideas….

A little note: (V7) indicates the ‘target’ V7 chord so that you can see where the modulation occurs.

From the key of Em to Am & Ab
- I ------- VI --- IV ------- I -- (V7) -- I
¦ Em ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Em ‘ E7 ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦
or ¦ Em ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Em ‘ E7 ‘ ¦ A ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦

From the key of E to Am & A
- I ---- Vb ------- VI --- IV - I - (V7) - I
¦ E ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ B/D# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C#m ‘ A ‘ ¦ E ‘ E7 ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦
or ¦ E ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ B/D# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C#m ‘ A ‘ ¦ E ‘ E7 ‘ ¦ A ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦

From the key of Em to F#m & F#
- I ------ VI ---- IV ----- VII - (V7) - I
¦ Em ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ D ‘ C#7 ‘ ¦ F#m ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦
or ¦ Em ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ D ‘ C#7 ‘ ¦ F# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦

From the key of E to F#m & F#
- I ---- Vb ------- IIc ---------- (V7) ---- I
¦ E ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ B/D# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ F#m/C# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C#7 ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ F#m ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦
or ¦ E ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ B/D# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ F#m/C# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C#7 ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ F# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦

From the key of Em to F#m & F#
- I ------ IV ------ Ic -------- IVb -- (V7) - I
¦ Em ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Em/B ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Am/C ‘ A7 ‘ ¦ Dm ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦
or ¦ Em ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Em/B ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Am/C ‘ A7 ‘ ¦ D ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦

From the key of E to Dm & D
- I ---- Vc ------- Ib ------- IV - (V7) - I
¦ E ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ B/F# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ E/G# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ A ‘ A7 ‘ ¦ Dm ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦
or ¦ E ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ B/F# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ E/G# ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ A ‘ A7 ‘ ¦ D ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦

From the key of Bm to Cm & C
- I ------ (V7) ---- Ib -------- (V7) --- I
¦ Bm ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ B/A ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Em/G ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ G7 ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Cm ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦
or ¦ Bm ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ B/A ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Em/G ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ G7 ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦

theduke - try getting in contact with www.universaljems.com

these guys do custom guitar stuff and may be able to chrome your JS1000

The bottom line indicates the key. 'Aharm' = A harmonic minor. This means that A melodic minor is also available.

-- I --------- VI ----- IV --------- I ---- (V7) -- I
¦ Em ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ C ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦ Em ‘ E7 ‘ ¦ Am ‘ ‘ ‘ ¦
Em--------------------------------------> Aharm-Am

When I finally put a band together my rhythm guitatist will need to be pretty handy and he'll need a pile of guitars.

"Zo Herr Klarch... get your Englander ass back to zer studio and make vit zer riffs"

JSC - sorry dude, I dont know the comedian... I didn't see much tv over the holidays... I was mostly out partying and out of control...

r6r - what with me being a Londoner... yep I know what a 'Berkshire' is... lol lol.... and I know live in Berkshire and I've found that it's a nice place, the locals are not a bunch of 'Berkshires' and there is plenty of very fit 'Berkshire' to be found..... top place...

and the flooding has got worse... the cars are now completely submerged, several villages have got it too... most of mine is ok.... a village neer by managed to make national tv..

I'm pretty safe though...

Nick - I've printed out the troubleshooting documentation... thanx for the assistance. I've also run off a few thousand of those labels... they should help me out for a few weeks... lol

only a place in Wales could have a names like that... I think the locals call it Llanfair.....lol

There are two ways to execute these.....
1- hold the pick in that same manner as you usually do. When you strike the string, the side of your thumb makes contact with the string at the same time as the pick.
2- hold the pick between the thumb and middle finger and touch the string very gently with your 1st finger at the same time as you pluck the string....

As you move the point that the harmonic is applied you'll notice that the pitch changes..... [
I use both methods... the 1st one I use to 'screem', the 2nd I use when I want to be more accurate - like playing notes that are higher than a note that can be fretted....

Forced [pinch] harmonics occur over notes that are fretted.. Natural harmonics occur over an open string...

was there a guy in here that said that he's from Reading, Berks..... ????

Michelle - You from Reading??? I always had you down as a 'septic'.....

On the Scotchmans Knob thing - I'm still pretty new to the area that I live in so I'm pretty reliant on street maps of the county.. I was looking for a street in a village called Sonning which is a few miles east of Reading. I was looking at the map when I spotted a business park [where I think Microsoft are] with a small wooded area or copse either side called Little Goggs and Big Goggs... Close by was an area marked Scotchmans Knob but I don't know what it is... I now feal the need to go out and reccy the Scotchmans Knob..see what's there.. lol ...If I see a big-assed ginger geezer in a skirt I'll be out of there pretty sharpish.... lol lol... such an encounter would be well above and beyond the call of duty so I'd well deserve the 'distinguished turning tail and fleeing cross'...lol nothing a few hundred BHP can't sort out... lol..lol...lol

Rough Dog - not charge... lol

Although I don't live there any more I am a Londoner.... Septic is short for Septic Tank.... rhyming slang for Yank...

And outside the US the Mason-Dixie line don't mean nothing so y'all are dang yankies to us lot.... lol

just doing my lil' bit here to maintain the north-south divide.. lol

on another note... the guy in Focus that really blew me away way the drummer... Pierre van der Linden... anyways.. he's a real monster.. and he did a spin off instrumental thing [all Dutch] with a band called Trace which was a fussion of Classical, Jazz and Rock... keys, bass and drums.. the bassist [Jaap Van Eik] plays stuff that causes me trouble on a 6-string to this day.... absolutely awesome players... increadable music too

r6r - roflmfao - you see... I was born within the sound of The Den... [sings - "No one likes us... no one like us..no one likes us... we don't care... we are Millwall..super Millwall.. we are Millwall... from the Den...." and so on]... stirring and inspiring stuff as you can see.... and in the pub before a game I asked my mate if he was going to the Portsmouth game the following week.... he says "nah.. I hate those northern bastards"... I'm saying "what?.. how are they northern?.. Portsmouth is hundreds of miles from here... all of them south of here"... he says "so what.. they're still northerners"... It all became clear... the atlas is wrong... The Den is the true south pole.... lol

oh yeah Trace... lol...
Rick van der Linden on keys
Pierre van der Linden on drums
Jaap van Eik on bass

I think the two van der Lindens are not related too
in Dutch accented English - also, I think they did the making with the 3 albums but only I've heard with the 1st one also yes...

and mushies look like a science experiment evolving into something yet to be discovered - I'll have 2 pie, 2 mash and a bowl of eels and liquer any day.. or a vindaloo [proper English grub].... lol

nick - chop the cookies with an axe... take them to a dark room lit by a large circle of candles with a pentograph star in the middle... place the cookies on the alter... dig out their eyes with a blunt spoon.... and eat them in the name of the anti-Christ........ yeah.... I can eat the cookies....

right now I'm going through a dual phase... Slipknot and Scientist [the album Scientist Rids the World of the Evil Curse of the Vampire]..... Maybe I'll be inventing Neo-Classical Dub Metal... lol

r6r - jeez dude you are a bit of a dark horse... I never had you down as a skyankin' ragga-muffin... lol

now about the pics.... they were funny as fuck until I got to the last one.... that was the one that disturbed me the most... I though my mum stopped doing that sort of thing... jeez.. she's sooooo embarassing....... lol lol

phryg dom - does that make the Northamptoners heretics?????.....
I didn't think that Manchester actually existed... I thought it was a myth [like Atlantis] created to give people that have never been to England a football team to support... lol

Silmarian - if you quit music... the shit wins....

chart music has always been crap

awards have always been crap

no one liked Beethoven until he'd died..... he never had a number 1 hit in his own life time....

and that's what I'm counting on... I figure that I'll get seriously rich out of music about 150 years after I'm dead.... succes at last...

oh yeah... theory posse... I will be doing more on that.. I've just had a serious problem fitting in being alive with all the other shit that confuses me going on - such as staying alive... it will be back I promise... and I think I'll be sticking with modulation for a while... lots of examples...

interestly enough.. how is it that everyone that lives north of the Thames are called Anderson or Johanson, and the capital of Cumbria is Oslo?

I album is going well... not for to go now for both me and David.....

how about a jam in a few weeks time...

r6r - when the going gets wierd, the weird turn pro...

1st string = 5th fret
2nd string = 5th fret
3rd string = 5th fret
4th string = 3rd fret
5th string = 3rd fret
6th string = 1st fret

It's quite a stretch.. sounds very nice though... clean, hint of compression, chorus and a pile of reverb around 2.0s duration...

Ok.. the Sweaties.... In London English [cockney] sweaty means Scottish... why??? Sweaty Sock = Jock = Scots... lol... I personally prefer the term 'porridge wog'...lmao

the one word sentances is a throw back to London as most of the original colonists were from SE England [appart from the Greeks , Italians and Vietnamese... lol].. The London, Ozzy and Kiwi accents are obviously not identical but they do have a fair bit in common [including the slang].. to British, Ozzies and Kiwi's the London and Southern Hem accents are pretty different.. but we know this and are familiar with it.. dispite what folks say, Oz and NZ are the colonies that have the most in common with the UK [speech, attitude, and generally enjoying drunken brawling]... In the US I'm often mistaken for an Oz.. and it's not something that offends me.. being mistaken for a Brummie would though... lol

personally, it's not my thing but I can appreciate what the music is about..

horses for courses... would the world be a great place if everyone sounded exactly like Joe.... ???????

and on a serious note... that is the stuff of my dreams....

mr nick - you said "my guitar teacher says that people who play guitar dont listen to satch vai or dt..or decent guitar music..maybe Matt King and Clarky and Mater Yoda, and Me will save the day" - which is utter crap.....

can I have your autograph - especially if you'll be going around frightening us 'mortal' players... lol

when I grow up I'm going to be able to play just like God - does anyone know what pedals God uses and what the settings are?

for strings I use Ernie Ball Hyrbids which are the plain strings from a set of 9's and the wound strings from a set of 10's...

the 'rule of thumb' for strings is:
heavy strings give you better tone
light strings are easier to play
the guage you chose should be a trade off.... the heaviest guage that you are comfortable playing...

EHV's sound is due to his playing style, effects and eq not really his string guage...