JS_JS

Do The Stu & Suzie2000

Star Wars - Episodes 1 & 2 are different - it was a different time (in star wars land). It would have been impossible for the original actors to reprise their rolls (Episode 1 happened 30 years before Episode 4 - A New Hope).

Lucas as of now, is not planning on doing 7-9, but will allow others to do so, and initial talks have occurred to bring back Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher for their parts. Apparently, Ep 7 is supposed to be 10-20 years after REturn of the Jedi.

Suzie2000

I think George Lucas sleeps, eats, and lives Star Wars, at least the last few years - with updating the original trilology, working on the prequels, ect - a lot of Star Wars has been happening for the past 8-10 years.

Sure - with his cash, might as milk us good and think up new ways to get our cash into his pocket - not that it is wrong - I would do the same, possibly.

The Top 5 Shows in the Terrorist TV Network's New Fall Lineup

5> 3,718 Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

4> Curb Your Fanaticism

3> ExpungeBob ScarePants

2> Plastique Roadshow

and the Number 1 Show in the Terrorist TV Network's New Fall Lineup...

JS_JS

I got my AC/DC cd many years ago - 93 or so - I knew a guy who got 3 Angus bucks in it (maybe that is where your sister's is - manufacture defect?)

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores."Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

John was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child.

She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old John had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old John had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand.

He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So .. you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today ."

At this, Old John snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted ...!

Old John just smiled!

Things to Think About

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UPs?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

jblaze1

I learn something new every day - where did go for school to become a chef? - CIA?

Dave

I copy and send off a lot of these jokes - some I get from this site and I email them off

Others I receive from email and post here.

fb0 / Frank

I am in the same boat as you. I have tickets for the Thursday night show, Oct 21. I also bought the MEGA back stage package for Saturday, Oct 23 night.

That would majorly suck if no show happens on Oct 23.

Please please please

everyone in the Chicagoland area and beyond, come to the House of Blues shows in Chicago, Oct 21 and 22, so that they are sell outs.

There is a new virus circulating called "WORK". If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take 2 friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain. If you don't drink, check out the Dairy Queen Hot Fudge Brownie Supreme!

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life. If this is the case, go to the nearest bar and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry.

THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2003:

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [ Won't go there! ]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if you wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [ what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken!]

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy [That was really giving of himself!]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [I certainly hope so!]

Sorry for the capital letters & you can change the candidate as you desire

WORKING PEOPLE FREQUENTLY ASK RETIRED PEOPLE WHAT THEY DO TO MAKE THEIR DAYS INTERESTING.

I WENT TO THE STORE THE OTHER DAY. I WAS ONLY IN THERE FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES.

WHEN I CAME OUT THERE WAS A CITY COP WRITING OUT A PARKING TICKET. I WENT UP TO HIM AND SAID, "COME ON, BUDDY, HOW ABOUT GIVING A SENIOR A BREAK?"

HE IGNORED ME AND CONTINUED WRITING THE TICKET. I CALLED HIM A NAME. HE GLARED AT ME AND STARTED WRITING ANOTHER TICKET FOR HAVING WORN TIRES.

SO I CALLED HIM A WORSE NAME. HE FINISHED THE SECOND TICKET AND PUT IT ON THE WINDSHIELD WITH THE FIRST.

THEN HE STARTED WRITING A THIRD TICKET.

THIS WENT ON FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES. THE MORE I ABUSED HIM THE MORE TICKETS HE WROTE.

I DIDN'T CARE. MY CAR WAS PARKED AROUND THE CORNER AND THIS ONE HAD A "ELECT JOHN KERRY" BUMPER STICKER ON IT.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Purchase tickets for the October 21 and 22 House of Blues Shows in Chicago to make them a sell out - so that I can go on Saturday October 23.

There will be no Oct 23 show unless the other 2 shows are sold out.

Please go out there and spend that extra cash - only $43 a ticket.



PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Purchase tickets for the October 21 and 22 House of Blues Shows in Chicago to make them a sell out - so that I can go on Saturday October 23.

There will be no Oct 23 show unless the other 2 shows are sold out.

Please go out there and spend that extra cash - only $43 a ticket to see Joe in Chicago on Oct 21 and 22.

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet time:

(you can change it to any store you wish)

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.

2.Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares......and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last but not least

For the Chicago Shows, I would love to see:

Speed of Light

Memories

Ceremony

Crazy

Driving at Night

The Snake

Steve Stevens for the next G3

It looks like the Expos are moving to Washington D.C.

What should they change their name to?

- the investigators?

- the scandals?

- the aristocrats?

- the taxors?

- WMD?

Time to give it up Rodman. . . .

cuthbert1776

cuthbert1776

They were just talking about it on the radio yesterday, which is why I caught it quickly. I knew it from before, but may not have recalled it right a way.

Double Jeopardy bonus points for me :)

(Feel fee to change to Bush / Cheney)

John Kerry meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Kerry frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle."

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"

The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."

"Yes, Very good," says the Queen."

Back at campaign headquarters, Kerry asks to speak with John Edwards.

"John, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says John Edwards. "Let me get back to you on that one."

John Edwards goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room with Dick Gephart.

Edwards shouts, "Dick! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Dick Gephart yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

John Edwards smiles. "Thanks!"

Edwards goes back to speak with Kerry. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Dick Gephart."

marimariSRV

SOTD

Samantha Fox "I want to have some fun"

anyone remember that one - it was on the radio on the way in

ahh - enough make it stop

No longer the SOTD

ahh - make the voices stop

I no longer want to have any fun

Tony Blair had surgery yesterday.

I had the same procedure earlier this year. It is a very serious situation - my heart rate went up to 240 beats a minute.

I had to be shocked (you know when they put the paddles on and say clear) back to normal rhythm.

That is not fun.

I was scared s#itless about the procedure - but in the end it was a breeze - very glad I had the procedure.