Question: What is the truest definition of globalization?

Answer:

An English princess

with an Egyptian boyfriend

crashes in a French tunnel,

driving a German car

with a Dutch engine,

driven by a Belgian who was drunk

on Scottish whisky,

followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,

on Japanese motorcycles;

treated by an American doctor,

using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an American,

using Bill Gate's technology,

and you're probably reading this on your computer,

that uses Taiwanese chips,

and a Korean monitor,

assembled by Bangladeshi workers

in a Singapore plant,

transported by Indian lorry-drivers,

hijacked by Indonesians,

unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,

and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

Problems with Tech Support

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

I AM THANKFUL

FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

Flat Belly

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.

The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.

She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

"Your wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.

Fun Questions

Question 1

A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:

The Wife said she was sleeping. The Cook was cooking breakfast. The Gardener was picking vegetables. The Maid was gettaing the mail. The Butler was cleaning the closet.

The police instantly arrested the murderer. Who did it and how did they know?

Question 2

A man walks into a his bathroom and shoots himself right between the eyes using a real gun with real bullets. He walks out alive, with no blood anywhere. And no, he didn't miss and he wasn't Superman or any other caped crusader. How did he do this?

Question 3

Old Mr Tidy was found dead in his study by Mr. Fiend. Mr. Fiend recounted his dismal discovery to the police. "I was walking by Mr. Tidy`s house when I thought I would just pop in for a visit. I noticed his study light was on and I decided to peek in from the outside to see if he was in there. There was frost on the window, so I had to wipe it away to see inside. That is when I saw his body. So I kicked in the front door to confirm my suspicions of foul play. I called the police immediately afterward." The officer immediately arrested Mr. Fiend for the murder of Mr. Tidy. How did he know Mr. Fiend was lying?

Question 4

If you touch me, you will die, but you can only live without me. I am a big part of your life, and will eventually be the only thing left. You will learn to embrace me finally and rest. What am I?

Try to figure these questions before looking at the answers below.

ANSWERS:

1. It was the Maid. She said she was getting the mail. There is no mail on Sunday!

2.. He shot his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

3. Frost forms on the inside of the window, not the outside. So Mr. Fiend could not have wiped it off to discover Mr. Tidy`s body.

On their way to get married a Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to precess them into heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't dnow. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer...for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eteranl aspect of it all, "What if it doesn't work?", they wondered.

"Are we stuck together forever?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns looking somewhat bedraggled, "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get maried in Heaven."

"Great!". said the couple. "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red faced withanger, slams his clipboafd onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" ask the grightened couple.

"Oh, come on!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"

Radio show pulled after woman drinks nearly two gallons of water and dies

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - A radio station fired three morning disc jockeys and seven other employees Tuesday after a woman died from drinking nearly two gallons of water in a contest.

The hosts of KDND-FM's "Morning Rave" were fired a day after the station announced it was suspending the show and investigating the death of 28-year-old Jennifer Lea Strange.

She died Friday after drinking the water in an attempt to win a Nintendo Wii, competing to see who could drink the most water without going to the bathroom.

John Geary, vice president and general manager of KDND's parent company, Entercom/Sacramento, announced that 10 employees were fired.

Strange died of water intoxication, according to a preliminary autopsy. Drinking large quantities of water rapidly can cause brain swelling and lead to seizures, coma and death.

NAMM: Eddie Van Halen signs with Fender

Eddie Van Halen is one of the most influential guitar players to ever pick up the instrument and at a private event at the NAMM music show in Anaheim, Calif. last night, Van Halen took the stage with Fender executives to announce a new line of EVH guitars.

“We totally embraced all of his ideas,” Brian McDonald, Marketing Manager for Jackson Guitars, told Macworld. “He has a very clear idea of what he wants and we gave that to him.”

The new line of guitars is not just any Van Halen designed guitar — it is the legendary Frankenstein red and white stripped guitar that is synonymous with Van Halen. The replicas feature every nick and scratch that the original has, according to Fender.

McDonald explained that the very first replica was made using a photograph of the original — when they showed it to Eddie he was amazed at how good the guitar looked and played. Eddie then gave the original to them so the company could tweak the look a little. On the third model, Van Halen and Fender were finished — Eddie signed the back of that guitar and their relationship began.

The Frankenstein EVH replica will cost $25,000. Only 300 were made and according to McDonald, they were all sold within 15 minutes.

However, there is still a chance to own some Van Halen gear. Eddie also showcased a new line of EVH branded amps at the event last night that Fender will be selling. McDonald also said that more EVH products will be coming over time.

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D.--Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it develops:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox, when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

----the car isn't washed,

----the bills aren't paid,

----there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,

----the flowers don't have enough water,

----there is still only 1 check in my check book,

----I can't find the remote,

----I can't find my glasses,

----and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.

GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC.

P.S. I just remembered. I LEFT THE WATER RUNNING IN THE DRIVEWAY!

Van Halen reuniting with Roth for summer tour

NASHVILLE (Billboard) - A deal is almost set for David Lee Roth to return to the Van Halen fold for a summer tour of amphitheaters, sources told Billboard.com

They said a contract could be signed as early as Wednesday for tour promoter Live Nation to produce a 40-date trek, which would mark Roth's first outing with the rock band in more than 20 years.

Spokeswomen for Roth and the band said they were unable to provide any confirmation.

Guitarist Eddie Van Halen's 15-year-old son Wolfgang has stepped in for original bassist Michael Anthony in the new incarnation of the group, which also features Eddie's brother Alex Van Halen on drums.

Wierd Thought of the Day

As I pick off another piece of dry, flaky skin and drop it in the crack behind the couch, I get to thinking:

There must be a whole other me back there by now.

Never give an iguana Viagra

ANTWERP, Belgium (Reuters) - Mozart, an iguana with an erection that has lasted for over a week, will have his penis amputated in the next couple of days.

Veterinarians at Antwerp's Aquatopia had sought to treat the animal's problem, but decided removal was the only solution because of the risk of infection. The good news for Mozart and his mates is that male iguanas have two penises.

Mozart, sitting on the shoulders of his keeper as camera crews focused on his red, swollen erection, seemed unperturbed by the news.

"It doesn't bother him. He doesn't know what amputation means," said vet Luc Lambrecht, adding that Mozart's sexual activity should be undimmed by the operation.

BON JOVI LEAK SAMPLES OF THEIR COUNTRY RECORD:

It's been a little while since the last Bon Jovi update, but now there is a bit to report. Bon Jovi's plans to write and record a country album in Nashville met with a lukewarm response, but they have stuck to their guns (so to speak!) and I can now report that the new Bon Jovi record is done. I am told that Jon Bon Jovi played the album in full for his record label last week, even thought it awaits a final mix/tweak. A tentative release date could be as early as April. Tour plans are said to be minimal for the support of this album - expect a promo tour to extol it's virtues upon the public though. So, just how country can Bon Jovi go? Very it seems. Two promotional sound clips have been leaked to get fan feedback. As if anyone will take notice anyway! But, music PR site promosquad.com in the USA is a firm which allows registered users to sample new music and Bon Jovi have sent two tracks to this service for feedback. The two songs are I Love This Town and Make A Memory.

Van Halen Update

Believe it or not - yet another compilation from the band.

Yes, that seems correct. I talked to my source at Rhino Records today about the proposed compilation, described at one online store as Van Halen - Best Of 1978-1984.

"There is more truth to that than not.". There are plans for a new compilation concentrating solely on the David Lee Roth years and the situation is currently "nothing firm...but something should come of this...".

A long overdue Van Halen box set. The reply - "Hopefully one day..."

Stevee T

Thanks for the heads-up on the Chicago show.

Looks like I can make it.

It is on a Saturday night - horray!!

cuthbert1776

New Eagles album in the works

LAS VEGAS, Nev. - After nearly 30 years, California's classic rock group the Eagles may soon release their first album of all-new music.

Founding member Don Henley said during a private weekend concert that the band was nearing completion on an album of all-new material, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reported on Tuesday.

"It's coming out in 60 to 90 days, if we don't kill each other first," Henley, 59, told the crowd Saturday at the MGM Grand Garden Arena.

Eagles and Henley spokesman Larry Solters said Wednesday there was no comment.

"The Long Run" in 1979 was the Eagles last album featuring all-new studio material. That album included the Grammy-winning single "Heartache Tonight."

The group officially disbanded in 1982, then they reunited in 1994 for a comeback tour featuring Henley, Glenn Frey, Joe Walsh, Timothy Schmit and Don Felder.

Final Harry Potter book due out in July

Fighting

Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

cuthbert1776

Tough game yesterday - it started well, but then slowly wheels started coming off.

Just Pre-Ordered our G3 Tickets for Chicago.

Let the countdown begin.

This will be my first G3 concert that I see live.

Moofus

Congress is a mysterious place. My wife saw Prince there not too long ago.

Nice theater. General admission on main floor. She was a few feet from the stage for Prince.

She had a friend upstairs - it was nice up there - but not necessarily worth more money.

Also - very little parking around the theater too.

Something Funny?

Today, Google will open Gmail, its free e-mail service to everyone.

Each account will get at least 2.8 gigabytes of storage. Later this year, more storage may be available for a fee. Formerly, an invitation was required to sign up. It was also possible to subscribe via cell phone.

check out www.gmail.com.

For my 3000th post - something to try.

Thank you Joe for giving us this forum. It is truly something special.

Try this link. My score was 30 seconds on the 3rd try.

When all the numbered red squares are visible, try to get rid of them as fast as you can, in numerical order.

You don't have to click them... just touch them with the cursor your score is given in seconds.