cuthbert1776

Amir K

Tech Support Problems

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition , Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.

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REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

Original Guns N' Roses to reform?

The seminal Guns N' Roses lineup is edging closer to reforming, according to original drummer Steven Adler.

Adler is understood to have recently reconciled with singer Axl Rose, prompting suggestions that the band might get back together.

In recent months, Rose has been touring with the current incarnation of the Gunners, as the only member of the original lineup.

However, Adler claims his conversation with Axl could yet lead to them rejoining Slash, Izzy Stradlin, and Duff McKagan onstage and in the studio.

He commented: "I saw Axl, talked with him from 10 or 12 at night to 8 in the morning. We resolved a lot of sh-t. I said, 'You know the five of us have to get back together! That's when it will really take off again! Nothing will be bigger. It would be the biggest reunion ever in history.'

"He just grinned and giggled a little bit," said Adler.

He concluded: "I've been talking with Slash. I've been talking with Izzy. He wants a reunion."

VAN HALEN TOUR POSTPONED

Yes, it is 100% true that the Van Halen 2007 tour has been indefinitely postponed. Details are a little thin on the ground and no one is talking on the record, but I did manage to talk to my contact who originally told me of the re-union plans in October last year.

Despite what little has been said publicly so far, it seems there are issues beyond paperwork and contracts that need to be ironed out. Van Halen has always been a volatile mix of personalities and 2007 is no different. Basically those involved in putting this tour together won't commit further until all issues are dealt with, hence the postponement of current plans.

I am told though, that this postponement should be just that - a temporary situation that can be sorted so that the dates that had been arranged can be re-booked and announced down the track somewhat. The band is unlikely to comment beyond the fact the tour will (at this stage) start later than originally planned.

The line-up for this tour remains Eddie, Wofgang & Alex Van Halen and frontman David Lee Roth.

For the record - here is what Pollstar has posted regarding the news:

"It's true. The Van Halen tour that was never officially announced is now officially postponed indefinitely, sources told Pollstar. The rumored tour took on an air of reality after a trade magazine announced that original singer David Lee Roth was about to sign on the dotted line, and that was soon followed by a press release via Eddie Van Halen's spokeswoman-slash-girlfriend. Unfortunately, the worldwide frenzy of a VH reunion was too good to be true, at least for the present day.

Thoughts for the day:

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and, presto, the blockage will be removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. So be brief with people.

DOH !!

Britney Spears flees rehab again

MALIBU, Calif. - Britney Spears left a live-in rehabilitation facility early Wednesday, less than a day after checking in, according to several reports.

It was the second time in a week that Spears entered a rehab facility and checked out before her first day was finished.

The television news magazine "The Insider" initially reported that Spears called a car service, walked out of the Promises Malibu Treatment Center and left the facility early Wednesday morning.

Later, the TV show "Extra" and the celebrity Web site TMZ.com said the 25-year-old pop star had left the center far short of the usual 45-day stay. TMZ said she couldn't handle rehab and went home.

Entertainment TV shows and Web sites reported Friday that Spears had gone in and out of rehab that week. Some reports identified the facility as Eric Clapton's Crossroads center in Antigua, in the Caribbean, but the AP wasn't able to confirm those reports.

GN'R scraps new album release date again

NEW YORK (Billboard) - The seemingly never-ending saga of Guns N' Roses' "Chinese Democracy" album rolls on, as the group has once again postponed the project's release.

The band announced in December that "Chinese Democracy" was tentatively due March 6, but with that date fast approaching, the album is back off the schedule.

"There is no official release date, as the band is currently mixing, but after some delays and scheduling difficulties, things appear to be moving along," reads a post on GNR's Web site (http://www.gunsnroses.com).

"The good news is that all of the recording for the album has been completed," the post continues. "Drummer Frank Ferrer and guitarist Ron 'Bumblefoot' Thal integrated themselves into the recordings seamlessly and will have their presence felt."

"Chinese Democracy" is the first Guns N' Roses album since the 1993 covers collection "The Spaghetti Incident?" In the ensuing decade, the group has lost every original member besides vocalist Axl Rose and burned through a reported $13 million in recording expenses.

On Wednesday, a high-quality version of planned album track "Better" made the rounds on the Internet but was quickly pulled from a number of blogs at the request of the band's management. In Los Angeles, modern rock station KROQ played it twice before a cease-and-desist letter arrived, a DJ announced.

Krispy Kreme launches whole wheat doughnut

Krispy Kreme's says its new whole wheat doughnut has only 180 calories.

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. - Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc., still recovering from the low-carb diet craze that starved the company’s earnings, unveiled a whole wheat doughnut Monday.

The 100 percent whole wheat doughnut with 180 calories has a caramel flavoring and is covered with the doughnut-maker’s original glaze.

Krispy Kreme's other doughnuts range between 200 and 350 calories each, according to nutritional information published on the company's Web site.

“The Krispy Kreme Whole Wheat Glazed doughnut delivers the delicious taste that our customers have come to expect from us,” said Stan Parker, the company’s senior vice president of marketing.

Krispy Kreme sales started slipping three years ago as the company expanded its operations during the height of the low-carbohydrate diet craze. Executives also had to sort out an accounting mess, with the company’s board concluding that two former executives were trying to “manage earnings” to meet Wall Street expectations.

A Christmas 2008 gift for Trekkies

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Captain's log: December 25, 2008.

Paramount Pictures has set a Christmas Day 2008 release date for the 11th "Star Trek" feature, to be filmed by "Mission: Impossible III" director J.J. Abrams. Shooting will begin in the fall, Paramount said Tuesday.

Touching Elephant Story

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

A fun IQ test to take

Pepsi to introduce higher-caffeine diet cola

SCOTTSDALE, Arizona (Reuters) - PepsiCo Inc. (NYSE:PEP - news) plans to introduce a new, energized version of Diet Pepsi that includes more caffeine, as well as ginseng, a PepsiCo spokesman confirmed on Wednesday.

The drink, Diet Pepsi Max is geared toward consumers ages 25 to 34 who like the buzz of drinks like PepsiCo's Mountain Dew, but are starting to become more concerned about their weight, the spokesman said.

Diet Pepsi Max will have about one-third more caffeine than Diet Mountain Dew, the spokesman said, confirming a story on the Web site of Beverage Digest, a magazine that follows the beverage industry.

Velvet Revolver to stand in for Van Halen at Hall Of Fame ceremony

Shortly after supposedly reunited Rock And Roll Hame Of Fame inductees Van Halen announced that they'd decided to indefinitely postone their summer 2007 tour with on/off singer David Lee Roth, it has been revealed that hard rock supergroup Velvet Revolver will perform in Van Halen's place at the upcoming Hall Of Fame ceremony.

Velvet Revolver frontman Scott Weiland and guitarist Slash will also speak on Van Halen's behalf, according to LAUNCH Radio Networks. It is still uncertain whether any actual members of Van Halen will attend the induction festivities, which take place March 12 at New York City's Waldorf-Astoria Hotel.

Warren Buffett posts want ad for successor

Looking for two people to handle his job at Berkshire when he steps down

OMAHA, Neb. - Legendary investor Warren Buffett renewed speculation about who will replace him at Berkshire Hathaway Inc., saying Thursday in his annual shareholder letter that he plans to hire at least one young investment manager to help succeed him.

To replace Buffett, Berkshire plans to split his job into two parts — chief executive officer and chief investment officer. The company’s board of directors approved a plan in October to hire one or more candidates for the job of CIO, so Berkshire will be ready when Buffett can no longer work.

I walked into a Blimbie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy- one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

They walk among us and many work retail.

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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"

They Walk among us!

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the s un waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

They Walk Among Us!!

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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They Walk Among Us!

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

They Walk Among Us!

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While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

Yep, They Walk Among Us!

Eddie Van Halen says he'll enter rehab

Lead singer of the band Boston dies

ATKINSON, N.H. - Brad Delp, the lead singer for the band Boston, was found dead Friday in his home in southern New Hampshire. He was 55.

Atkinson police responded to a call for help at 1:20 p.m. and found Delp dead. Lt. William Baldwin said in a news release that there was no indication of foul play.

"There was nothing disrupted in the house. He was a fairly healthy person from what we're able to ascertain," Police Chief Philip Consentino told WMUR-TV.

Delp apparently was alone at the time, Baldwin said.

Starbucks launches record label

Do The Stu......

Congratulations on winning the aftershow passes.

Pet food maker announces major recall

WASHINGTON - A major manufacturer of dog and cat food sold under Wal-Mart, Safeway, Kroger and other store brands recalled 60 million containers of wet pet food Friday after reports of kidney failure and deaths.

An unknown number of cats and dogs suffered kidney failure and about 10 died after eating the affected pet food, Menu Foods said in announcing the North American recall. Product testing has not revealed a link explaining the reported cases of illness and death, the company said.

"At this juncture, we're not 100 percent sure what's happened," said Paul Henderson, the company's president and chief executive officer.

The recall covers the company's "cuts and gravy" style food, which consists of chunks of meat in gravy, sold in cans and small foil pouches between Dec. 3 and March 6. The pet food was sold by stores operated by the Kroger Company, Safeway Inc., Wal-Mart Stores Inc. and PetSmart Inc., among others, Henderson said.

Menu Foods did not immediately provide a full list of brand names and lot numbers covered by the recall, saying they would be posted on its Web site — http://www.menufoods.com/recall — early Saturday. Consumers with questions can call (800) 551-7392.

The company said it manufacturers for 17 of the top 20 North American retailers. It is also a contract manufacturer for the top branded pet food companies. Its three U.S. and one Canadian factory produce more than 1 billion containers of wet pet food a year. The recall covers pet food made at company plants in Emporia, Kan., and Pennsauken, N.J., Henderson said.

Henderson said the company received an undisclosed number of owner complaints of vomiting and kidney failure in dogs and cats after they had been fed its products. It has tested its products but not found a cause for the sickness.

"To date, the tests have not indicated any problems with the product," Henderson said.

The company alerted the Food and Drug Administration, which already has inspectors in one of the two plants, Henderson said. The FDA was working to nail down brand names covered by the recall, agency spokesman Mike Herndon said.

Thanks for some GREEN again.

It is good to know our GREEN guy has everything undercontrol.

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."