Wilmen

Suzie2000

You don't work when it snows?

What type of work do you do? Is it outside work?

suzie2000

Now that makes more sense - safety first - why you do not work when it snows.

Our kids around here come by full size bus, walk or their parents drop them off.

Do The Stu

Exactly - stand back when an elephant has an upset stomach.

RECENT STUDY FOUND OUT WHICH DAYS MEN PREFER TO HAVE SEX. IT WAS FOUND THAT MEN PREFERRED TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY ON THE DAYS THAT STARTED WITH THE LETTER "T". EXAMPLES OF THOSE DAYS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

TUESDAY

THURSDAY

TODAY

TOMORROW

THANKSGIVING

THATURDAY

THUNDAY

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A RECENT SURVEY WAS CONDUCTED ALSO TO DISCOVER WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. HERE ARE THE SURVEY RESULTS:

5% SAID IT WAS TO GET A GLASS OF WATER 12% SAID IT WAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM 83% SAID IT WAS TO GO HOME ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT'S THE BEST FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL AFTER 50?

NUDITY

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WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GIRLFRIEND AND A WIFE?

ABOUT 45 LBS.

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WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BOYFRIEND AND A HUSBAND?

ABOUT 45 MINUTES

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WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SOUTHERN ZOO AND A NORTHERN ZOO?

A SOUTHERN ZOO HAS A DESCRIPTION OF THE ANIMAL ON THE FRONT OF THE CAGE, ALONG WITH A RECIPE.

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WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NORTHERN FAIRYTALE AND A SOUTHERN FAIRYTALE?

An old man goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.

When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"

jazzzzzzzy

I have seen that one before - it goes around every few months/years.

But - in Chicago there is no WBAM. WBAM is in Montgomery, Alabama.

There may have been one before in Chicago - but not in many many years.

THE LONE RANGER

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After their tent was all set up, they fell sound asleep.

One hour later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, Kemo-Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially millions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Marriage

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not.

( SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.' "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last."

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either, and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?

She says, "I was in bed.

In bed this early, doing what?

Getting a second opinion!

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, Mother of Six in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, Anytime you're ready, Father of Four.

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy.. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, What the heck, And started jumping up and down with her. She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said, "Great, Tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, When she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, She said, "Oh, honey, There's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'More?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one Baby, We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, He asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part.

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

This stinks.

Do The Stu was kind enough to send me an invite for a gmail account.

I got one all set up - now I have forgotten my username and password.

I have tried everything - and cannot get in.

Just ranting here - really pissed at myself.

Check out

http://www.jemfest.com/

Do The Stu

The jemfest interview is pretty good.

He talks about the G3 in South America.

- a possible web cast concert

- maybe 1 or 2 3G's next year (details to come)

- maybe a live record since he recorded a ton of shows recently.

- maybe a new video concert as well (yet to be determined)

- wants to record next year for a new release

evbro

Who Smokes the Most Dope in Europe?

ZURICH (Reuters) - Swiss teenagers smoke more cannabis than their peers in every other European country, a survey said Thursday, casting a pall over the country's prim and wholesome image.

One in three Swiss 15-year-olds has lit up a joint within the past year, while the number of teenagers regularly smoking or getting drunk rose 10 percent between 1998 and 2002, the Swiss Institute for the Prevention of Alcoholism and Drug Abuse said in their survey.

"For a large number of young people, falling back on alcohol, cigarettes or cannabis is part of a response to growing social pressures and a failure to engage with the future," survey leader Holger Schmid said in a statement.

Britain and Spain trailed Switzerland as the top cannabis consumers, while British and Scandinavian teenagers stood out for "drinking in order to get drunk," the survey of children aged 11-15 in more than 30 European countries showed.

Company Launches JFK Assassination Game

GLASGOW, Scotland - A British company said Sunday it was releasing a video game recreating the 1963 assassination of President Kennedy.

A spokesman for the president's brother, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy , D-Mass., called the game "despicable."

The Glasgow-based firm Traffic said "JFK Reloaded" was an educational "docu-game" that would help disprove conspiracy theories about Kennedy's death. The game is due to be released Monday, the 41st anniversary of the shooting in Dallas.

Traffic said the game challenged players to recreate the three shots fired at the president's car by assassin Lee Harvey Oswald from the Texas School Book Depository.

Traffic's managing director, Kirk Ewing, said the game — available as an Internet download for $9.99 — would "stimulate a younger generation of players to take an interest in this fascinating episode of American history."

"We've created the game with the belief that Oswald was the only person that fired the shots on that day, although this recreation proves how immensely difficult his task was," Ewing said.

In a statement, Traffic said it was "determined to promote the title respectfully," given the sensitivity of the subject.

Sen. Kennedy's spokesman, David Smith, would not comment on whether the family was taking any action to stop the game's release.

"It's despicable. There's really no further comment," Smith said, adding that the Washington office started getting calls about the game Friday.

DamIMissNamm

DamIMissNamm

Yeah, I heard they (Eagles) were down under.

Motley - they are "trying" to come back, again - maybe next year. I like Motley - not sure what they are doing though. You can join their new fan club (owned by the band) for $40 - you get a t-shirt, and the "opporunity" to get good tickets (hum - sounds like either they need money, or they are touring next year).

Nirvana - I liked them at first, then get real bored with them (grunge in general) - they were novel, but the novelty wore off real quick.

Other bands seem never to die (except for short times) - Aerosmith, Stones, Scorpions, Bon Jovi, Dokken, Poison.

DamIMissNamm

Yeah - Dokken rocked - their newer stuff is a lot more mellow - plus Lynch is no longer in the band, again. He is in, out, back, out, around, out, ect.

Rockin with Dokken - a good time.

Dream Warriors, It's Not Love, ect - good tunes.

The Top 5 Terrorist Perfumes

5> Jihad Me at Hello

4> Eau de Humanity

3> Chanel No. C4

2> Bill Blast

and the Number 1 Terrorist Perfume...

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+. Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"

Questions you Hope your Pupils won't Ask you

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of its bottle?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

You know how most packages say "Open here"? What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes?

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon?

Things Found Only in America

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.