Jazzy

To those of you who have an iPod . . .

Did you purchase a case for your iPod? If so, what type did you get, and do you like it? Why

If you do not like it, why?

I am searching for one - found a few that have benefits and negatives and am looking for additional imput.

Eeeeeeeewwwwwwww!

LONDON (Reuters) - The makers of the handy spray lubricant WD-40 proudly list 2,000 uses for their product, from unsticking rusty screws or squeaky bicycle chains to polishing frying pans.

But British police have found another -- keeping the public from snorting cocaine off toilet lids in bars.

Police in the English city of Bristol said Tuesday they have been advising pub and nightclub owners to spray the colorless lubricant on toilet seats and other flat surfaces in the lavatory that customers often use to snort drugs.

Apparently, cocaine and spray lube don't mix.

"A chemical reaction takes place with the cocaine that causes it to congeal and become a mess so it's unusable," a police spokesman said. "It's one very small, very cheap way in which you can very seriously restrict the amount of drug use in your premises."

Constable Graham Pease, a liquor licensing officer, said he discovered the trick a few years ago while discussing with pub owners how to reduce drug use on their premises.

"We were discussing with licensees how we could keep cocaine from being snorted from surfaces," he told Reuters. "It came about that we wanted to spray something on surfaces that cocaine would stick to. And somebody mentioned WD-40."

The new use seems to have taken its makers by surprise.

"Its not meant to be ingested. It says so clearly on the can so we wouldn't advocate it for that purpose. But people will use it how they will," said a British spokeswoman for the San Diego, Calif-based WD-40 Co.

At Bar Excellence in Bristol, deputy manager Julian Barraud said it was part of the drug fighting arsenal.

About A Stupid Husband

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

jelly man

Thanks for the thoughts, but my wife already got me an iPod for Christmas - so might as well keep it in good shape.

I need a good case for it.

What I do not like about the iPod is that you "should" convert your songs to their ACC format - which takes time and space (on your hard drive).

Simpson's Daughter Charged With Fighting

MIAMI - O.J. Simpson's 19-year-old daughter was arrested after she refused to stop yelling at officers who had been summoned because of a fight outside a basketball game involving her old prep school, police said.

Sydney Simpson was charged Saturday with resisting arrest without violence, punishable by up to a year in jail, and disorderly conduct, which carries a possible 60-day jail sentence.

Simpson yelled profanities at the officers called to Ransom Everglades School after a boys' varsity basketball game against Gulliver Prep, according to a Miami police report. Sydney Simpson graduated from Gulliver last June, and her brother, Justin, 16, attends the school.

Officers asked Simpson to quiet down three times as a crowd of more than 15 people gathered, police said.

"Because of the defendant's disorderly conduct, it prevented this officer from conducting an investigation," according to the report by Officer Francisco Villarreal.

While she was being taken into custody, she slapped another officer's hand, leading to the resisting arrest charge, the report said.

Two teenage girls told police that Simpson hit them in the face, but they declined to press charges, authorities said.

Yale Galanter, a Simpson family attorney, said the dispute outside the game was a "cat fight" that Sydney Simpson had resolved by the time police arrived, but officers escalated the situation. He did not say what instigated the conflict, but said he believed Simpson acted appropriately.

"After the police were told that nobody wants to press charges ... Sydney is arrested for disorderly conduct?" Galanter said. "It doesn't take a legal genius or a great legal mind to figure out that the event was over and that it was the police who caused the charge to be had."

Asked to respond to Galanter's comment, police Lt. Bill Schwartz said: "For her safety and the safety of all concerned, the officers decided to remove her from the situation. Clearly this upset her even more, and she slapped one of the cops in the hand. Not a good idea."

One of my friends serves in our military. He is still stateside, in California. He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him and the troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that others may have them also.

He also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at the other day, on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha . He said when she got to the cashier she loudly remarked about the US flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and touched the pin, and said proudly," yes, I always wear it and I probably always will." The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.

A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman: "Lady, hundreds of thousands of me n and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid."

Advice for Men

Dear Friends,

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell.

Let me relate how I handle the situation.

When I got laid off from my consulting job and took "early retirement" in April, it became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for health benefits that we need. It was shortly after she started working that I noticed that she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper. I try not to yell, instead I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she finally does get supper on the table.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her several times each evening that they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.

Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her little more time to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting. Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to gut and scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.

Nancy is starting to complain a little occasionally. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any, if you know what I mean.

When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nancy on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older. However, guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because of this article, I will consider that writing it was worthwhile.

Signed, Bob

FCC Officials Say (Kid) Powell to Resign

WASHINGTON - Federal Communications Commission (news - web sites) Chairman Michael Powell plans to resign Friday, FCC (news - web sites) officials confirmed, ending what's often been a controversial tenure as he tried to push the telecom and media industries into an increasingly deregulated world that some lawmakers, companies and consumer groups didn't like.

The news, first reported on The Wall Street Journal's editorial page Friday, was something of a surprise coming just one day after President Bush (news - web sites)'s inauguration and with some very hefty issues yet to be dealt with by the FCC. Those issues include how to treat burgeoning Internet phone services as well as how to overhaul the Universal Service Fund, a federal subsidy program under financial pressure. The Wall Street Journal is published by Dow Jones & Co. (DJ), publisher of the newswire used for this report.

Rumors have circulated for months that Powell, who has been on the FCC since President Clinton (news - web sites) appointed him as a commissioner seven years ago, would step down. Recent conventional wisdom had him leaving in the spring after at least some of these issues were dealt with.

This Has to Be Homer Simpson... (or someone from T2J)

PRAGUE (Reuters) - A Czech man is being taken to court after he hid in a restaurant washroom until the employees had left and then hooked up beer kegs directly to his mouth.

Cleaning staff found him drunk and lying on the floor of the bar at the restaurant in the city of Brno, about 200km (120 miles) east of Prague, the CTK news agency reported on Thursday.

"He had broken the door of the cooling mechanism ... and detached the hoses leading from the keg, squashed them in his mouth and literally filled himself up with beer," CTK quoted a police official as saying.

cuthbert1776

You do not need a JD to be a Supreme Court Justice. There are no qualifications to be a Justice.

You simply need to be nominated by the President and approved by the Senate - and you are in.

cuthbert1776

Maybe if you start some arm exercises and get your arms very strong and get the right suit to wear, you may make it to Mars.

Men are like....

1. Men are like .....Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you.

2. Men are like ..... Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ..... Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ..... Blenders .. You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .... Chocolate Bars . Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ...... Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ..... Department Stores .. Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ..... Government Bonds .. They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .... Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like .... Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like . Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming,

how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ..... Lava Lamps .. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Signs Your Hooker Has a College Education

5> Never works when the Crimson Tide's in town.

4> Condoms? Check. Breath mints? Check. Pamphlet explaining how heterosexual intercourse is rape and the notion of sexual reproduction is a deception maintained by the patriarchy for the purpose of preventing womyn from ever achieving equity? Uh-oh.

3> This month's special: For $30, she'll do you *and* your taxes.

2> The oral part of her "around the world" is a recitation of every country's capital and major exports.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Hooker Has a College Education...

Rumination of the Day

INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO A CHEAPER HEALTH CARE PLAN:

10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

9) Directions to your Doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is "An apple a day."

5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out of network charges," > is not a typographical error.

3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."

2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED A VERY CHEAP HEALTH CARE PLAN:

alexandrecaetano

Things Not to Say on a Job Interview

5> "References, schmeferences -- We're talking trust here, babe."

4> "Ooh! Ooh! I got a good one! Gimme a match, quick!!"

3> "My salary requirements? Just keep those Corn Nuts a-comin'!"

2> "Qualifications? I got your qualifications right here!"

and the Thing Not to Say on a Job Interview...

anibur

Drummer Ryan Vikedal Leaves Nickelback

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (AP) — Nickelback is down a drummer following the departure of Ryan Vikedal.

Vikedal has been with Nickelback since its debut album in 1996. His decision to leave was announced in a short statement from EMI, the multiplatinum Canadian band's record label.

"At this time, no replacement for Vikedal has been named and the band wishes Ryan all the best in his future endeavors," the statement said.

Fronted by Chad Kroeger (news), Nickelback is currently working on new material in its home base of Vancouver.

Gives New Meaning to 'Phone Sex'

NEW YORK (Reuters) - This is one cellphone you might not want to set to "High & Vibrate."

Porn star Jenna Jameson is now hawking her "moan tones."

For $2.50 fans of the ubiquitous porno queen can choose from a variety of moans, grunts and lurid sexual noises all recorded by the blond bombshell.

If that's not enough, Jameson will talk dirty to you when you phones rings, in English or Spanish.

Jameson, who recently wrote a best-selling memoir, has launched the venture with Wicked Wireless, a mobile music and entertainment company.

Also available are color pictures of the porn star posing naked that can be displayed on your phone for $2.99.

"Rock stars make music tones, porn stars make moan tones," said Dennis Adamo, head of Wicked Wireless. "We thought it would be an interesting novel approach of introducing new content to the mobile users."

Jameson's charms are already being downloaded in Argentina, Ecuador, Venezuela, and in a couple of weeks will be available from Mexico to Uruguay.

Latin American users can download a moan or a picture for $1.00 each, while U.S. customers will pay $2.50 for a moan and $2.99 for a wallpaper once the service is launched.

Some people were shocked, but others said they wanted more from the product.

"If you can get her to say my name then I would buy it. I need that kind of personal attention," said New Yorker Julian McCullough.

TASTEY

I really need some inner peace - thank Dr. Phil for the suggestions.

I need to go finish off a few things, lots of half full bottles are calling me.

Five-Word Movie Reviews

10> Are We There Yet?: I hope so. This sucks.

9> The Crying Game: Ankle... calf... knee... thigh... oops!

8> Sideways: Guys? Jerks? Oh, *that's* news.

7> In the Cut: Meg nude, decade too late.

6> Shaun of the Dead: Romantic comedy with zombies? No-brainer!

5> Finding Nemo: Find Dad or you're sushi!

4> Ghost: Whoopi's Oscar haunts Academy forever.

3> Unbreakable: You can't die? Whatchutalkinbout, Willis?

2> Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood: Take your woman, nutless wonder.

and the Number 1 Five-Word Movie Review...

TASTEY

Jow