Vacation Packing

http://www.travelsmith.com/ts/packlist.jsp

Most of us overpack when we go on vacation. I know I'm constantly adding things to my suitcase, "just in case." Just in case I'm invited to dine with the Queen of England, I should bring a nice dress. Just in case I go running with the bulls, I should bring a jogging suit. Before I know it, I've got three heavy bags for a weekend trip.

DelfinoPie

Prom tomorrow?

Here in the states prom is typically in April / May.

Teacher accused of enlisting students in fire plot

HOUSTON (Reuters) - Two failing students face arson charges after accepting teacher Tramesha Lashon Fox's offer of a passing score in exchange for torching her car in a botched insurance scheme, authorities said on Wednesday.

"All three have confessed," senior fire investigator Dustin Deutsch of the Harris County Fire Marshal's Office said.

Fox, 32, was in the process of surrendering to authorities, Deutsch and Fox's attorney told Reuters. Roger Luna, 18, was arrested on Tuesday while Darwin Arias, 17, was not yet in custody, Deutsch said.

The two males each face one count of arson, punishable by two to 20 years in prison. Fox faces charges of arson and insurance fraud, also punishable by two to 20 years in prison.

Fox's 2003 Chevrolet Malibu was reported stolen on May 27 and was found burned with signs of forced theft 12 days later in a wooded area near Arias' home, investigators said.

Investigators became suspicious when they learned Fox had bought a new 2005 Toyota Corolla a week before the Malibu -- on which she owed $20,000 -- was reported stolen.

"During preliminary interviews with the teacher, she advised us it was the work of students and gave us a list of six or seven, which I thought was kind of suspicious," Deutsch said, noting Luna and Arias were not on the list.

A check of calls made from Fox's cell phone pointed toward one of the other suspects, Deutsch said. Fox confessed in a subsequent interview and fingered Luna and Arias, he said.

Fox's attorney told Reuters he did not have enough information to comment on the details of the case.

Queen News

World's Thinnest Books

FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac

HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda

MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE by John Denver

MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS by Dan Marino

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman

MY WILD YEARS by Al Gore

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS

DETROIT: a Travel Guide

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson

SPOTTED OWL RECIPES by the EPA

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson

Bridge Travel by Ted Kennedy

And the world's Number One Thinnest Book

The Top 5 Horror Movies Involving Virus-Laden Poo

5> Montezuma's Revenge of the Sith

4> Harry Plopper and the Chamber Pot of Secretions

3> Gigli

2> Flush... Flush, Sweet Charlotte

and the Number 1 Horror Movie Involving Virus-Laden Poo...

On a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.

They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a man from Texas stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome; tall, well-built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt.

........One button at a time.........

..............No one moves................

.............He removes his shirt....................

.......Muscles ripple across his chest..................

.................She gasps................

...............He whispers,.................

O'Connor Retires From Supreme Court

WASHINGTON - Sandra Day O'Connor, the first woman on the Supreme Court and a swing vote on abortion as well as other contentious issues, announced her retirement Friday. A bruising Senate confirmation struggle loomed as President Bush pledged to name a successor quickly.

"It has been a great privilege indeed to have served as a member of the court for 24 terms," the 75-year-old justice wrote Bush in a one-paragraph resignation letter. "I will leave it with enormous respect for the integrity of the court and its role under our constitutional structure."

Little more than an hour later, Bush praised O'Connor as "a discerning and conscientious judge and a public servant of complete integrity." He said he would recommend a replacement who will "faithfully interpret the Constitution and laws of our country."

ka girl

pinch yourself - you are awake now

QUICK PUNS...

-- Deja moo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

-- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

-- I went to a seafood disco last week, and pulled a mussel.

THE 13TH MARRIAGE

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married twelve times.

On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin."

This puzzled the groom since, after twelve marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon.

She responded:

"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent the entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be."

"My second husband was from Software Services. he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me the documentation."

"My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up."

"My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the oldsaying - Those who CAN, DO; those who can't, teach."

"My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He knew he had the order, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver."

"My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method."

"My seventh husband was from Finance and administration. He knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job or not."

"My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told me that he met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how to do it."

"My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the product, he just wasn't sure how to position it."

"My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to do was talk about it."

"My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it."

"My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was . . .God I miss him!"

"So now I've married you, and I'm really excited."

"Why is that?" asked the lawyer.

cuthbert1776

No subscriptions - people who send them to me might subscribe - I don't know.

cuthbert1776

It must be that someone who I get my stories / jokes from is a subscriber. Or that the site gets the stories / jokes from a similar source and publishes them.

The internet is one big incestious place - isn't it?

Star Wars Wins !!

Starting with 64 movies, fans have voted and in the end, the Time Magazine Movie Madness Fan Bracket Poll has ended up with Star Wars as the champ!

The things a guy will do for his sister...

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A young Russian man who dressed in women's clothes to take an exam for his sister was caught after his oversize bust gave him away, Interfax news agency reported Monday.

The youth's "unusually prominent female features," and heavy make-up drew security guards' attention and they stopped him from taking the test, Yasen Zasursky, dean of Moscow State University's journalism faculty, told the agency.

Judas Priest News

Judas Priest recently performed two songs acoustically for an appearance on VH1 Classic, which will air on Saturday, July 16th at noon and midnight ET. While acoustic performances are relatively new territory for Priest, guitarist Glenn Tipton told The Zone that the band may explore the idea further: "We're actually enjoying ourselves talking about some possibilities of what we could do acoustically, like an acoustic version of a metal song, not just an acoustic version of an acoustic song. So we're putting our heads together at the moment and trying to think how we can rearrange some of this stuff that would be interesting and valid."

Priest has been performing its cover of Joan Baez's "Diamonds And Rust" acoustically on its current world tour.

Tipton also told The Zone that Priest has tentatively settled on a title for the band's upcoming DVD, which was filmed earlier this year at the legendary Budokan in Japan. As Internet rumors have suggested, it will probably be called Re-Unleashed In The East.

The DVD is expected out sometime in the fall, although no official release date has been set yet.

Blasts Hit London, Killing at Least 2

LONDON - Three explosions rocked the London subway and one tore open a packed double-decker bus during the morning rush hour Thursday. The blasts killed at least two people and injured about 190 in what a shaken Prime Minister Tony Blair called a series of "barbaric" terrorist attacks.

Blair said it was clear the attacks were designed to coincide with the opening of the G-8 summit in Gleneagles, Scotland. The prime minister said the meeting of world leaders would continue but that he would return to London.

"Whatever they do, it is our determination that they will never succeed in destroying what we hold dear in this country and in other civilized nations throughout the world," said Blair.

Soup's on

http://www.cookingbynumbers.com/frames.html

Do you ever open the refrigerator and stare at everything? Sometimes I just don't know what to make for dinner. I'll stand there forever hoping something jumps out at me.

Sammy Hagar / Montrose / Van Halen Update

Sammy Hagar says don't go looking for a new Van Halen record anytime soon. Hagar told Norway's metalexpressradio.com that it would have been nice, but that the plans just didn't work out - "We tried to do an album. We only got three songs done. It took four months to do three songs. So I was saying, 'Let's go out and play for the people before this whole thing ends.' 'Cause if you remember right, they tried to do an album with Gary Cherone - the second record - and that didn't finish. Then they tried to do a record with Dave (Lee Roth) three times, and they never got it done. So I was seeing that coming. As a person who wanted to go out and play for the people, I said, 'Let's stop recording, and let's go out on the road while we still can.' And I think it was a smart move. The management was into that as well. We had shows on sale. We pretty much had to go out and do some shows. That's why we only did three songs."

Hagar also said that the tour ended badly: "The last show with Van Halen was a disaster - it was a horrible experience. We had to be pushed off the stage separately, and me taking this way, and Eddie (Van Halen) taking this way, and Alex (Van Halen) and Michael (Anthony) down the middle, because we were ready to go to blows - it was that bad. So that was horrible. The rest of the tour wasn't that bad. But at the end...I don't know? Something got crazy."

Even with all of that, Hagar isn't closing the door to more Van Halen projects: "I'm not saying that we would never do it again, but some people would have to change, including maybe myself - maybe I'm the first guy that should change. But we would have to change. We couldn't just do it the way it was being done. It was falling apart."

Aerosmith live

Pearl Jam the Best ????

Pearl Jam was named the greatest American rock band of all time in an informal poll conducted by USA Today music columnist Whitney Matheson. Matheson asked readers in her June 28th column to send her their choices, suggesting that influence, popularity, the group's live abilities, musicianship and longevity all count as factors. The writer posted the results in a new column late Tuesday night (July 5th), which can be found at usatoday.com.

According to comments from Matheson's readers, Pearl Jam came out on top because the band is "still making great, vital music," has "never compromised their integrity," keeps its ticket prices low, and has not been "hyped to death by the media."

Pearl Jam will play two shows at the Borgata hotel and casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey, on September 30th and October 1st. These will be the band's first U.S. gigs since last fall's Vote For Change tour.

The complete list of the top 20 greatest American rock bands, according to USA Today readers, is:

1. Pearl Jam

2. Aerosmith

3. Van Halen

4. The Eagles

5. Journey

6. Guns N' Roses

7. The Grateful Dead

8. Queensr˙che

9. The Doors

10. R.E.M.

11. The Allman Brothers Band and Fleetwood Mac (tie)

12. Metallica

13. Kiss

14. The Ramones

15. Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band and Creedence Clearwater Revival (tie)

16. Dave Matthews Band and Lynyrd Skynyrd (tie)

17. The Beach Boys

18. Nirvana

19. The Replacements

Sex in the Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device.. a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic.

"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

Report -- David Lee Roth to replace Howard Stern

NEW YORK (Billboard) - Infinity Broadcasting isn't commenting on an online report penned by a former Howard Stern Show regular that suggests David Lee Roth will be one of the personalities that ultimately replaces the ribald DJ on the airwaves.

Chaunce Hayden, a gossip and celebrity writer for New York/New Jersey entertainment guide SteppinOutMagazine.com, writes that "an Infinity source has confirmed the signing."

In February, the Securities and Exchange Commission reportedly questioned Hayden about possible insider trading of shares in Sirius Satellite Radio. Hayden was in Stern's studio Oct. 6, 2004, the day Stern announced his plans to move to Sirius in January 2006. The news drove up Sirius shares by 16% at the close of that day's trading.

What is certain is that Roth is among many entertainers that Infinity has auditioned on-air since Stern's bombshell announcement last year. Infinity executives have repeatedly made it clear that they are not looking for a singular personality to succeed Stern.

In April, Infinity president of programing Rob Barnett told Billboard Radio Monitor he was working with Roth in Boston at classic rock station WZLX. "The station has kind of turned the town on its ear with cab drivers, waiters and waitresses and employees of Barnes & Noble talking about this amazing guy on the radio," Barnett said. "It's an example of just being able to surprise and entertain your listeners without necessarily giving them the exact same menu every day." In Boston, Stern is heard on Infinity modern rock station WBCN.

The Diamond Dave-as-morning-man idea actually sprung from an Infinity station 3,000 miles away. VP of FM talk Jack Silver put Roth on the air for three hours earlier this year at KLSX Los Angeles, which Silver programs. "We were so taken by that performance that we created a stunt here in Boston to give classic rock listeners the opportunity to hear him all week long," Barnett said in April.

Infinity chairman and CEO Joel Hollander said in February, "One thing you should expect not to happen, is one person to be dropped in to replace (Stern) at 27 radio stations."

While Stern's contract is set to end Dec. 31, 2005, Hayden says that Roth will hit the airwaves in early September. Asked to comment on the Roth rumor, an Infinity spokesperson said, "We are looking at a number of personalities to replace Howard Stern, however there are no imminent announcements at this time."

The Farting Gnome

I haven't checked out eddie's site in some time - when I get a chance, I will.

Thanks for the tip to check it out

Couple Sentenced for Hiring 16 Year Old Son a Stripper

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - A couple pleaded guilty Thursday to hiring a stripper for their son's 16th birthday party and were sentenced to two years probation.

Landon and Anette Pharris, who were charged with contributing the delinquency of a minor, also were ordered to take parenting classes.

The parents hired the stripper to perform at a September party attended by about a dozen young people.

Cassandra Joyce Park, 29, who police say used the stage name "Sassy," danced for a few hours before partygoers took up a collection and paid her $150 more to fully disrobe, Anette Pharris said.

The stripper and the man she was with were also granted probation.

Police were tipped off to the party by a photo developer at a drug store who saw pictures of the occasion.

Pharris said after being arrested that she tried to do something special for her son.

"We even had grandpa there," she said.