A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars."

"Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?! "

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

cuthbert1776

my motto: Realistic potential

also

Webmaster, Joe and to ALL:

Wondering if there will be autographed versions of the new G3 available either from Fanfire, Sony or from here?

I loved having my last few releases (Satriani and G3) autographed.

Keniko

I hear what you are saying and I agree - but with the last G3 - all 3 members signed the CDs and DVDs - it is really cool. Just trying to keep the collection going.

Otherwise - I will have to try to make it to a meet and greet - if I have the time.

Last wishes

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please .. just one more time before I die ?" she says, "Of course, dear."

And they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. Ralph, however worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could.....?"

The Confession

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Carlo went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father .. during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question .."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

Words with two Sides

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.

Female...... Any part under a car's hood.

Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.

Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.

Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.

Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.

Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.

Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.

Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.

Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 . REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

He said . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said . .You wear pants don't you?

He said . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on The sofa and fart!

He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said . ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

She said . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . Why are married women heavier than single women?

She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily Iraq briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Q&A: NIKKI SIXX

Part One

LOS ANGELES (Billboard) - It is 2:30 in the afternoon and Motley Crue bass player Nikki Sixx is just getting up. He lights his first cigarette of the day. Telephones are ringing in the background.

Sixx says that, in general, his life is loud, though he is not complaining. In fact, he is psyched that Motley Crue's comeback tour is proving scores of rock 'n' roll naysayers wrong by grossing $19 million through the first half of the year, according to Billboard Boxscore. In addition, a new two-disc greatest-hits collection, "Red, White & Crue" (Motley/Beyond), has reached No. 6 on the Billboard 200, selling 425,000 units, according to Nielsen SoundScan.

Though Motley Crue has had its share of lineup changes, drug scares and scandals in its almost 25-year career, the act is demonstrating that it has a strong business sense.

The current tour -- which features original members Sixx, vocalist Vince Neil, guitarist Mick Mars and drummer Tommy Lee -- was so popular in its first leg this spring that the group announced an additional 57 North American arena and amphitheater dates. That brings its number of tour stops this year domestically and abroad to more than 100.

Sixx says music fans want shows featuring more theatricality, which Motley Crue delivers with a circus-tent set, pyrotechnics galore, a fire-breathing midget and aerialists, on top of such hits as "Girls Girls Girls" and "Dr. Feelgood."

The shows have spawned a two-disc, high-definition DVD set, "Carnival of Sins," due October 25 from Clear Channel/Ventura. It will be the band's first DVD with its original lineup.

Q: Why did the band come together for the reunion tour?

A: Over five years ago, we said, "We've been doing this for a long time. Let's just take a break." It was time to get everybody's schedules cleared and get back to the mother ship, so to speak. ... The core of it was, we either want to do it or we don't want to do it. Once we got to that place, it sort of took on a life of its own.

Q: Did you expect the tour to be so successful?

A: None of us had a crystal ball. We knew the band would have an insane show. When tickets went on sale, would it be 1,000 or 2,000 people, or the numbers that it ended up being? We didn't know. We were blown away. I forget what the first date was, but Madison Square Garden was one of the earlier ones. The band's never been over-the-top huge on the East Coast, and some of those first shows went clean (sold out) in a very short amount of time.

Q: What did you do when promoters originally were not interested?

A: A lot of the promoters didn't jump onboard. We rented the buildings ourselves. So, later, when they wanted us to come back, we said, "Well, it's going to cost you, because we just made all the money and why would we give any to you now?"

Q&A: NIKKI SIXX

Part TWO

Q: What has changed in the industry since you last toured as a band?

A: One of the first things I noticed is, all the people that were hired on as our crew or (for) the overall project said, "Oh, my God, I've been so bored for the last 10 years. I am so excited to be on a Motley Crue tour." We were like, "What do you mean?" They were like, "Dude, we've been out doing these safe tours." We met with pyro companies and said, "OK, we want to blow the bass player up, we want the drummer to fly, drums to explode in the air," and everybody is like, "Thank you." We're like, "What are you talking about?" They go, "Well, you know, the last 10 years we've been doing tours, and for the grand finale bands would say, 'OK, we want some sparks.' You guys in one song have more than 10 bands have in their show."

Q: When did you decide to do a DVD based on the tour?

A: We knew once we got out on the road and people said it's one of the best rock shows they've ever seen that it was something that needed to be documented.

Q: How involved were you in the creative process for the

DVD?

A: We're involved in everything, all the way down to what our luggage tags look like. We drive people crazy. We are so thorough.

Q: What's going on with the movie based on the band bio "The Dirt?"

A: We had David Fincher ("Seven," "Fight Club," "Panic Room") to be the director, but Paramount needed him to do a very huge movie and wanted us to wait. In the meantime, we are now meeting with other directors. It will get made, and it will get made right. The project has to be gritty. It's going to be like "Goodfellas," the feeling of "Layer Cake." It's going to have an underbelly to it.

Q: What's next for the band?

Push Americans to cut energy use

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - With U.S. heating fuel bills expected to soar this winter, the Bush administration on Monday will unveil a national campaign to show households, businesses and the federal government how to save energy and reduce their heating expenses.

The government has warned Americans to get ready for higher heating fuel bills this winter, due in part to the shutdown of oil refineries and natural gas processing plants and the disruption in oil and natural gas production in the Gulf of Mexico caused by Hurricanes Rita and Katrina.

For consumers who warm their homes with natural gas, their winter costs would be 52 percent higher nationally from last year, according to the Energy Information Administration.

The Energy Department's analytical arm forecast heating oil expenses would rise 34 percent and electricity bills would be up 11 percent.

U.S. Energy Secretary Sam Bodman and the Alliance to Save Energy consumer group will announce a joint program on Monday to encourage Americans to cut back their energy usage and shave their heating bills.

In three new radio public service announcements, Bodman will convey the message that consumers "have the power" to manage their energy bills and use energy efficiency to ease "the pinch of high energy prices." The ads cover home heating, gasoline and the purchase of energy-efficient appliances with the ENERGY STAR label.

cuthbert1776

How was the concert?

How were your seats / like the Star Plaza?

cuthbert1776

The speakers in the back corners were for the soundtrack of Operation Mindcrime (the gun shots, the telephone ringing, ect). When I saw them in Chicago, I was in front - 2nd row for part of the first act, and right in front of one of the speakers for OPC and heard the phone ringing (too soon). They were not playing to a sound track - it was used for the extra sounds.

Suzie2000

Nicolas Cage gives Superman's birth name to son

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Oscar-winning actor Nicolas Cage's wife of 14 months gave birth on Monday to the couple's first child together, a son they named Kal-el -- a moniker recognized by comic book fans as the birth name of Superman.

The child's delivery in New York City and his full name, Kal-el Coppola Cage, were confirmed by the actor's publicist, Annett Wolf, who said of the family, "They are healthy and happy and it's quite lovely."

No further details were released, including how the actor and his wife, Alice Kim Cage, were inspired to borrow from the mythology of Superman in naming their child.

Cage is known as an avid comic book devotee who once sold his personal collection, including a copy of Superman's 1938 pulp debut, at auction for more than $1.6 million.

The nephew of famed filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola, the actor adopted his own stage surname from the Marvel Comics superhero Luke Cage.

Cage also was at one time slated to star in a Superman movie under the direction of Tim Burton, a project that ultimately was scrapped and replaced by a newer Warner Bros. remake expected for release next summer.

The 41-year-old actor and his wife, a former sushi waitress about 20 years his junior, met at a nightclub last year before marrying on July 30, 2004.

Cage has a 15-year-old son, Weston, by a prior relationship with actress Kristina Fulton. His previous marriages to actress Patricia Arquette and singer Lisa Marie Presley ended in divorce. Kal-el is his current wife's first child.

Our family was always very formal.

On Halloween, we didn't bob for apples . . . . .

If Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W. R. Grace Company were to merge . . .

Surprises on the Rolling Stones Tour

5> Famous "enlarged lips" logo replaced by "enlarged prostate" logo.

4> Those drops of perspiration on Keith's brow? Embalming fluid.

3> New song: "You Can't Always Eat What You Want."

2> On a monster video screen, Mick plays "connect the dots" with the needle marks on Keith's arms.

and the Number 1 Surprise on the Rolling Stones Tour...

962

One page is not enough for me

cheese101

Yes - thanks for the pictures

Looking forward to seeing Joe on tour again - hopefully soon.